Losing it...and Loving it! :)

It's been a really long time since I've sat and wrote on this thing...almost a month to be exact.  And I can say...it's definitely been a journey.

Some days have been better than others.  Some days have been longer.  And yes, lots of tears and sweat and occasional pricks of blood drops due to paper cuts have been shed. (hehehe)

But today, I really just wanted to share what was on my heart at the moment.

Today was my weigh-in.  Dropped 2.2 lbs this week.  I was SOOOOOOOOO excited (and still am!).  I did my happy dance around the scale.  That's right.  I actually did a happy dance AROUND THE SCALE.  Those of you who have seen my happy dance...rejoice! lol

Part of me was excited about the weight loss.  But the biggest part of me was more excited that this process has been a beginning for me to choose to overcome.  It's a daily decision...will I choose to overcome old eating habits, old ways of thinking, old ways of a sedentary life...

Today is Day 20 since I made the commitment to learn to deal w/ the issues inside my body (from the physical aspect of it all).  So, I've been very careful on what I eat, how much I eat as well as daily activity of my body.
Here are several conclusions I've come up with:

1. When I want to quit, that's the best time to scream out loud, "I CAN DO ALL THINGS THROUGH CHRIST WHO GIVES ME STRENGTH".  And yes, I've screamed it out loud.

2. My body does not rule over me.  My emotions do not rule over me.  I make the choice to conquer my body and bring it into submission to the Word.  The Word that says I am healthy, whole and healed.

3. As I'm still learning, I cannot do this journey alone.  I was not made to be an island, but instead was made to lift up others and be lifted up myself.  Why?  Because we are all one body in Christ.  If my story can encourage others, then let that happen.  If I can be encouraged by someone else's story, then let me hear it!  We are here to encourage and build each other up, and I'm believing that my story will encourage others to do the same in a NATURAL and HEALTHY way rather than the rapid weight loss systems or surgeries (no condemnation people!).

4. I'm learning to love working out.  I wake up with workout brain.  Workout brain is when my first thought of waking up isn't just, "Morning Jesus!"  But it now includes, "Morning Jesus LET'S DO THIS! RAAAAWWWWRRRR" lol  And yes, I know Jesus laughs at me....you do too...admit it, I'm funny. :)

5. Above everything, my focus during this process isn't a sexy body, a hot body, or being "hot" or anything to that degree.  My focus is presence-driven...When I do this, I am honoring Him with my body, my heart, my time and my life.  I'm honoring Him when I choose to help Him keep me healthy by allowing my body to become healthy in a natural process that will not just take away the impurities in my body, but will take away the sickness and disease in it as well.

6. Seeing the results of scales and measurements no longer intimidates me.  Why?  Because I know that even if the numbers aren't that great, I can still choose to get back up and try it again.  I'm learning the definition of "determination", "hard work" (thanks Dolvett) and "persistence with passion".  Even on days where it feels horrible, I feel horrible and discouraged...I'm choosing to remember to cast it aside, lay it at the foot of the Cross, and get back up to listen to my Abba Father's voice above all else.


With all of that being said, I've come to the realization and reality of one thing:

I'm doing this for me.
I'm doing this for Jesus.
I'm doing this for my Abba Father.

No one else.
Nothing else.

I know my goal.  I know my focus.  I know the Truth.

And the Truth says I can do this.  Even when I stumble a bit, the Light shows me the path.  And I can choose which way I go: to stay down, stay discouraged, and quit and give up because it's too hard or it's too painful.  Or path #2, get back up, put the scale away, put my blinders on so I don't get distracted by anything but what's in front of me and what is up, dust myself off, and try again, and again, and even again if necessary.

hard work
determination
never give up

Isn't God good?! :)

With that being said, my prayer for you is this:

You realize who you are in Him, so you can get the strength needed and the understanding that YOU matter to Him, and so does the way you live and worship Him with your body.  Not only that, but that you would allow others to encourage you.  That He would give you the boldness to share your struggles, your victories and the times when you stumble around for just a bit...not so people can condemn or laugh at you, but so that He can begin to use others around you to encourage and motivate you.
That you would begin to realize just how much you are loved in ALL aspects of your life, no matter what you look like, what you sound like, what you weigh, or anything else.
That you would see weight-loss from His perspective: not for selfish or worldly ways and reasons of doing it, but instead, it is so you can learn to honor Him with your body, ALL of your body, not just portions or pieces.

With that, dear beloveds, have a wonderful and fantastic day.  It's time for me to get back to my schedule and go workout! :)

New goals--I can do ALL things through Christ! :0)

So, God has an awesome sense of humor.  As well as some seriously divine connections w/ people and places.  Through a friend, I was connected w/ a personal trainer.  Her name is Debbie.  And I had my first (impromptu) session w/ her...I went to see her in jeans and a t-shirt, not realizing she'd be working me out that same day! lol Needless to say, I was "glistening" (her word, not mine!...I just call it plain dripping sweat! lol).

I loved her on sight and felt immediately comfortable and encouraged.  She's also a believer.  And one thing she said to me that made me super excited, was that she'll be praying for me daily.  And I'm SOOOOOO excited about that!!  She stated this as she warmed me up and made me almost pant on the treadmill. haha

So, tonight w/ the encouragement of meeting a new goal, as well as reading a friend's post on Facebook on her making new goals for the new year regarding fitness, I sat down in front of the Hallmark Channel (hey, I did my workout already!  Can you say the same?!) and watched a sappy movie (I love the Hallmark Channel during Christmas!).  And wrote down my goals through April 30, 2012.  And I shall write them out here.

And I'm going to be as brutally honest as possible.  Ugh.  I hate numbers!

So, I'm starting this journey at 272 lbs.  I know, I know...most people say I don't look that big, but I am.  The scale says so, and so do the pant sizes.  But hey!!  I started this journey at a whopping 285 lbs, so that's a VAST improvement!!!!  Hard work DETERMINATION!!!!!!

My goals are broken down into these categories: jogging, walking, fellowship w/ exercise, cardio, meals/nutrition & weigh-in. (I won't be putting the weigh-in goals online)

By end of 1/31/12:
Jogging: 4 minutes total (doesn't have to be altogether, can be divied out throughout the walk--1 min walk, 1 min jog, 1 min walk, etc.)

Walking: 2 miles total (judged by Spectrum track)

Fellowship w/ exercise: 1 time a week w/ Naomi

Cardio: at least 20 minutes 5 times a week (the number of days is per Debbie)

Meals/Nutrition: 2 balanced meals/day; 1 protein shake/day; all vitamins/herbs taken; 2 T coconut oil/day; 1 serving of apple cider vinegar per day; 1 cup of green tea per day; 1 sweet per day; veggies w/ all meals


By end of 2/29/12:
Jogging: 4 1/2 min total

Walking: 2 1/2 miles total

Fellowship w/ Exercise: 1 time/week w/ Naomi; find someone to share the excitement w/

Cardio: at least 25 min 5x/week

Meals/Nutrition: 2 balanced meals per day, 1 snack a day; 1 protein shake per day and a handful of nuts; all vitamins/herbs taken; 2 1/2 T coconut oil/day; 2 servings of ACV/day; 1 cup of tea/day plus 1 cup of green tea in the a.m.; 1/2 sweet per day (3 oz dark choc); veggies w/ all meals, snack=veggie snack

By end of 3/31/12:
Jogging: 5 min total

Walking: 3 miles total

Fellowship w/ Exercise: 1 time/week w/ Naomi; pass on old clothes except 1 pair of jeans and 1 shirt

Cardio: at least 30 min 5x/week

Meals/Nutrition: 2 balanced meals/day, 2 snacks/day; 1 protein shake plus a handful of nuts; all vitamins/herbs taken; 3 T coconut oil taken; 2 servings of ACV plus some in protein shake; 1 cup of tea plus 1 cup green tea in a.m.; veggies=2 meals, both snacks veggie snacks

By end of 4/30/12:
Jogging: 5 1/2 min total

Walking: 3 1/2 mi total

Fellowship w/ Exercise: 2 times/week w/ Naomi (if she agrees)

Cardio: at least 20 min 6x/week

Meals/Nutrition: 3 balanced meals; 1 protein shake; 3 1/2 T coconut oil/day; 3 servings of ACV; 2 servings green tea; cup of fruit/day; veggies w/ all meals



So there you have it, in plain and simple writing!  Now it's time to finish watching my Hallmark movie, go to bed, and get up to workout!! :)

What I've Overcome

So, I first heard this song yesterday as I was driving into work.  And I realized that I've found my "battle" song...my song for this season.
Every time I hear this song, my spirit literally jumps and goes, here it is.  So, let me post the lyrics, then I'll explain. :)

What I've Overcome lyrics

I've got this passion
It's something I can't describe
It's so electric
It's like I've just come alive

I feel this freedom 
Now that my past is erased
I feel the healing
I've found the meaning of grace
(I found grace)

If only you come see me yesterday
Who I used to be before the change
You'd see a broken heart
You'd see the battle scars

Funny how words can't explain
How good it feels to finally break the chains
I'm not what I have done
I'm what I've overcome

I know I'll stumble
I know I'll still face defeat
These second chances will define me

So I'm moving forward
I'm standing on my two feet
I've got momentum
I've got someone saving me
(got someone saving me)

If only you could see me yesterday
Who I used to be before the change
You'd see a broken heart
You'd see the battle scars

Funny how words can't explain
How good it finally feels to break the chains
I'm not what I have done
I'm what I've overcome

I make mistakes and I might fall
But I won't break
I've got someone saving me

If only you could see me yesterday
Who I used to be before the change
You'd see a broken heart
You'd see the battle scars

Funny how words can't explain
How good it feels to finally break the chains
I'm not what I have done
I'm what I've overcome
I'm what I've overcome
I'm what I've overcome

"Funny how words can't explain, How good it finally feels to break the chains, I'm not what I have done, I'm what I've overcome"

It's taken me 2 years to get to this point.  Two very long, very heart-wrenching years.  Through the battles, the trials, the mistakes, the tears, the anger and rage, the weeping and mourning, words can't explain how good it feels to finally break the chains.  Even now, as I type, I feel tears just forming and pouring out.  Tears of rejoicing, looking back and realizing just how much I've overcome.

"If only you could see me yesterday, Who I used to be before the change, I'm not what I have done, I'm what I've overcome"

So many people have told me they see such a change in me; all for His glory and good.  And others, who sometimes think they know me, see Him in me and mistake it for me.  All I've got to say to that, is I wish you could have seen me in those yesterdays, in the struggles, the battles, the rages, the tears, the heartache, the depression, the calls to my counselor and spiritual parents, the snot rags everywhere as I let lose a lifetime of crap I had been holding in for so long.  "If only you could see me yesterday, you'd see a broken heart, you'd see the battle scars."  And there are so many battle scars.  Even now, I wear a battle scar to this day.

But I'm believing that "I won't break because I've got someone saving me".  I'm believing that I'm what I've overcome.

So, with that being said...

My prayer for you:

You realize and understand your own battle scars, and that you get the revelation that you are what you have overcome.  If you've overcome fear, you are a FAITH-FILLED person.  If you've overcome the lies that life has to be lived in poverty, you are WALKING IN ABUNDANCE.  If you've overcome the lies of ugly, fat, unworthy, you are A DAUGHTER/SON OF THE MOST HIGH KING, THE APPLE OF HIS EYE, BEAUTIFUL AND BELOVED, LONGED FOR, PRECIOUS AND DESIRED.

That you realize you are NOT what you have done, but that, through the breaking of chains, you are what you've overcome.

...

everything in me is just roiling...I want to throw up so badly...trying very hard to not lose anything I ate today...so frustrated and angry and hurt, and so many words are boiling up inside me...and trying so very hard not to let anything out in anger or rage

so I'm going for a drive instead
picking up a friend
because right now, to be by myself, is very very very dangerous

Accountability Contract Update :)

Accountability for Weight Loss

Weekly Exercise Goals

·         30 mins of moving/work out 3 times a week.  NO EXCUSES!!!

·         At least 1 time a week meet for exercise/fellowship

Monthly Nutritional Goals

·         Eat balanced meal (incorporate veggies and fruit) (AP#2: eat 1 balanced meal/day)

·         Strive for  3 meals and 2 snacks a day

·         Food Journal – application/journal

·         Daily vitamins

·         Limit sweets once a day (Alex & AP#2)

·         Limit soda to twice a week (AP#1)

·         Limit juice to once a day (AP#2)

Weigh Loss Goal

Starting Weight:

If I told you, I'd have to kill you. ;)

                Short Term Goal

·         Weigh only once weekly – notify each other!

·         .5-2.0 lbs per week

1^st Goal 4lbs by Dec 1

2^nd Goal 4lbs by Jan 1

3^rd Goal 6lbs by Feb 1

                Total loss: 14 lbs in 3 mths

Long Term – Final End Result

·         Alex: 135 lbs

·         AP#1: 150 lbs

·         AP#2: 140 lbs

Rules for breaking agreement

·         Extra workout- other person chooses weekly

·         $1.00 in jar for Nutritional portion weekly

·         If short term weight loss goal is not met, must pay difference of goals minus actual weight loss

Celebration for Weight Loss Goals

·         1^st goal- Starbucks/coffee (AP#2: go to the movies)

·         2^nd goal- Shopping trip

·         3^rd goal-Cook a new recipe 

Recipe: Fiber-ific Fried Chicken Strips

These were so yummy to make!  And really super good.  Actually, I still have chicken strips left over.  Good enough for a salad for dinner tonight! woohoo! :)

6 oz raw skinless boneless lean chicken breast, cut into 8 strips
1/2 c Fiber One bran cereal (original)
1/4 c fat-free liquid egg substitute
1/4 tsp garlic salt
Black pepper, to taste (I also used paprika, cumin, garlic powder as I didn't use garlic salt or regular salt, and about 3 dashes of cayenne pepper)

Preheat oven to 375 degrees.
Using a blender or food processor, grind Fiber One to a breadcrumb-like consistency.  Add garlic salt and black pepper to crumbs.  Place crumbs in one small dish and egg substitute in another.
Next, coat raw chicken--first w/ egg and then w/ crumbs.  Place strips on a baking pan sprayed w/ nonstick spray.  Add a light mist of nonstick spray on top and place in the oven.
Cook for 10 minutes and then turn strips over.  Spritz w/ another light mist of nonstick spray and cook for an additional 7-10 minutes, until chicken is fully cooked and crumb coating looks crispy.  Enjoy!

Note: I did it for 12 minutes on each side 'cause I wasn't sure how done they'd be...worked out perfectly!

Makes 1 serving

Weight Watchers Points: 7 (but I only ate 4 'cause that was more than enough, so obviously half yr points, including caloric intake!)

Per serving (8 strips): 277 calories, 3g fat, 696mg sodium (less if not use garlic salt or regular salt), 26g carbs, 14g fiber, 0g sugar, 47g protein

From: Hungry Girl by Lisa Lillien

Recipes: 2-good twice-baked potato; Upside Down Chocolate Cream Pie; Pumpkin Pie Smoothie

Now doesn't that title sound delicious?? :)  Here they are (which, by the way, all were REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY good!)!! :)

2-good twice-baked potato


1 medium (8 oz) baking potato (I used a larger one, I think...but farmer's market doesn't grow any that small haha)
1 slice fat-free American cheese
1 ounce fat-free liquid non-dairy creamer (I used almond milk as I didn't have this ingredient)
salt, paprika and parsley, to taste (I also used black pepper, garlic powder and onion powder)

Preheat oven to 375 degrees.
Puncture potato in several places w/ a fork.  Peel the skin off the top of the potato and then cook potato in the microwave for 6-8 minutes.
Once potato is cool enough to handle, scoop out the insides, leaving behind an empty potato shell.  Set shell aside.
Place potato pulp in a small dish and then add cheese, creamer, and a little salt.  Mash it all together until the cheese melts, leaving a creamy, cheesy mashed potato mixture.
Place potato mixture back into the empty shell and sprinkle w/ paprika and parsley.
Place potato in a baking dish sprayed lightly w/ nonstick spray and bake in the oven for 20-30 minutes, until top is nice and brown.

Makes1 serving.

Weight Watchers Points: 6

Per Serving (1 potato): 226 calories, 0.5g fat, 335mg sodium, 46g carbs, 5g fiber, 4g sugar, 9g protein

From: Hungry Girl: Recipes and Survival Strategies for Guilt-Free Eating in the Real World by Lisa Lillien






Upside Down Chocolate Cream Pie


1 Jell-O Sugar Free Chocolate Pudding Snack
1 sheet (4 crackers) low-fat honey graham crackers, crushed
2 tbsp Cool Whip Free (I used Reddi Whip as that was what was in my fridge)

Line the bottom of a small dish w/ whipped topping.  Evenly spoon pudding on top.  Cover w/ crushed graham cracker crumbs.  Voila!

Makes 1 serving.

Weight Watcher Points: 4

Per serving (entire recipe): 135 calories, 2.5g fat, 280mg sodium, 30g carbs, 1.5g fiber, 5g sugar, 3g protein

From: Hungry Girl: Recipes and Survival Strategies for Guilt-Free Eating in the Real World by Lisa Lillien





Pumpkin Pie Smoothie


3/4 c light vanilla soymilk
1/2 c canned pure pumpkin
1/4 c Cool Whip Free, thawed
1 tbsp sugar-free calorie-free vanilla syrup
1/2 tsp cinnamon
1/2 tsp brown sugar (not packed)
1/8 tsp pumpkin pie spice, or more to taste
2 no-calorie sweetener packets
1 cup crushed ice OR 5-8 ice cubes
2 tbsp Fat Free Reddi-wip
1/2 sheet (2 crackers) low-fat honey graham crackers, crushed

Place all ingredients except Reddi-wip and crushed graham crackers in a blender.  Blend at high speed until thoroughly mixed.
Pour the shake into a glass.  If you like, add additional pumpkin pie spice.  Top it off w/ Reddi-wip and crushed graham crackers. Mmmm!!

Makes 1 serving

Weight Watchers Points: 4

Per serving (entire smoothie): 172 calories, 2g fat, 147mg sodium, 32g carbs, 5g fiber, 13.5g sugars, 6g protein