Freedom, Determination & Strength

I love this picture a friend of mine took while I obviously wasn't looking.  While we talked,  the one thing he kept mentioning was the look of freedom on my face. And how I seem so different from the last time we saw each other.

Yesterday was a big milestone for me. My first ever obstacle race.  By myself.  With no one to rely on. Just my faith & I out on that 4.25-4.5mi stretch of sheer torture.  Having to push myself to keep going, but in turn having others encourage me along the way. Complete strangers mind you. That last mile stretch,  my tears were hidden in the mud as I realized something.  I started this journey with the need to cling to others,  needing so much.  But now, as my fitness partners are no more, I've learned to rely on the strength & faith He has given me. Feeling so alone these past 2 months, knowing that so many changes were coming...I took yesterday as a way...a way to prove to myself just how strong I am. Just how tough I am. But also to show myself that I don't need to rely on anyone but Him. HE is my strength.

And throughout every part yesterday,  as much as I wanted to quit & give up mile after mile, I told myself to keep going, keep pushing.  And with each mile that passed,  the more tired my body got, the more determined my spirit became. The more determined I was to finish this through.

And I did it. Injuries and all, I did it. And@ 1 point,  with no one around to cheer me on, I pushed myself even more. No other voices in my head except 1: "Beautiful Beloved".

At about mile 2 was when I began to hear all of the crap that was spoken over me, said & unsaid. The labels placed on me. And that's when I began to get angry. I began to speak out against those things,  & I will say part of what fueled me was my anger. Because I'm none of those things.  I. Am. Me.

Even now as tears stream down my face, I can hear that beloved voice so much more clearly.  And I can feel the weights of my past, my present and my future fall away.  Step by step.  Mile after mile. I knew I was never going back. It's too late for me.

So, what do I see in the mirror today? Someone who is absolutely beautiful.  She is tough,  strong & determined.  Her identity is found in her Beloved & not in others.  Her spirit was once broken,  but now free. She knows who she is & makes no apologies for it. She knows what she wants & is no longer afraid to go for it. She is smart,  a fighter, & walks with conviction & purpose.  She is passionate & loves to love.

Her name is Alex.
Welcome to the new me.

6 Months Progress Report: 4-17-13 to 5-17-13

SIX MONTHS BABY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Oh my golly!!  I can't believe it's been six months since this journey has started.  Half a year.  Almost to my birthday soon.  Half a year.  And man, has it been a battle!! Been I have made it this far, and for the most part, have kept it off!!  Hall-le-freakin-lujah!!

It's been six months of ups, downs, inside outs, and so much more.  This month has been the hardest of it all, I think.  So much has been going on, both physically, mentally and emotionally.  Needless to say, that means spiritually too.

From work schedule, to school schedule, to more work schedule, and then personal life happens, and so does the crap from it all.  All of that, and still able to lose 4.8 lbs this month.  And that's with inconsistent workouts due to all of the scheduling issues.

Man, is my God good!! :)

NSVs:

1. When I tried on jeans last month from my "new to me" side of the closet, they fit perfectly.  Now, they fit loose. :)

2.  My hips no longer touch the sides of the arc trainer.  AT ALL.  Period.  Nada.  No rub off!!  I've waited 6 long freakin' months to stop having friction burns on my hips! lol

3.  When I go grocery shopping, I now constantly look at the nutrition facts, and base my eating habits of buying stuff from reading labels, figuring out what foods are good for me, etc.  I plan my meals the same way.  That's been a HUGE change from even just a few months ago.  It has become 2nd nature to look at the label, and if it's not good for me, put it back.  I've even stopped buying sweets for the most part (minus the frozen yogurt from healthy choice! haha).  Actually, my sweet tooth has lessened considerably.  I tend to only have dessert if I go out w/ someone, and even then don't eat most of it.  I haven't been eating as much chocolate (except for yesterday....yesterday was a bad day and I needed my cocoa people!), and haven't been craving it as much either. :)  Ah, the changing of the taste buds!

4.  19.25" down since November 17, 2012. :)

5.  I'm lasting about 1.25 miles in my walk/jog intervals.  Last month was maybe a mile.  Maybe.  Usually between .8-.9 miles. :)

6.  My ankles look cute in my running shoes.  Yes, this is important to me. :) lol

7.  My head has shrunk.  Yay! :)  So has the fat around my neck.  Double yay!  Soon, no more double chin!!  Sa-weet!!!

8.  I'm learning to control my emotions through exercise, rather than through food.  This is a HUGE victory for me.  Some days are better than others, of course, but still.  To long for a run and not a burger or a giant candy bar....that is a complete 180 from where I was at.

And now, pictures I can be proud of, the further you go down! lol

Oct/Nov 2012:

Dec 2012:

January 2013:

February 2013:

March 2013:

April 2013:

May 2013:

I'll post a few more from the past month later. :)

And tomorrow, the big Biggest Loser RunWalk Off-Road Challenge.  Mud, running,obstacles.  Dude, I'm excited!!! :)

Until next month!

Oh...and I OFFICIALLY made it to my 20 lb mark, and have kept it off. :)  Now to my 30 lb mark baby!! :)