...

everything in me is just roiling...I want to throw up so badly...trying very hard to not lose anything I ate today...so frustrated and angry and hurt, and so many words are boiling up inside me...and trying so very hard not to let anything out in anger or rage

so I'm going for a drive instead
picking up a friend
because right now, to be by myself, is very very very dangerous

Accountability Contract Update :)

Accountability for Weight Loss

Weekly Exercise Goals

·         30 mins of moving/work out 3 times a week.  NO EXCUSES!!!

·         At least 1 time a week meet for exercise/fellowship

Monthly Nutritional Goals

·         Eat balanced meal (incorporate veggies and fruit) (AP#2: eat 1 balanced meal/day)

·         Strive for  3 meals and 2 snacks a day

·         Food Journal – application/journal

·         Daily vitamins

·         Limit sweets once a day (Alex & AP#2)

·         Limit soda to twice a week (AP#1)

·         Limit juice to once a day (AP#2)

Weigh Loss Goal

Starting Weight:

If I told you, I'd have to kill you. ;)

                Short Term Goal

·         Weigh only once weekly – notify each other!

·         .5-2.0 lbs per week

1^st Goal 4lbs by Dec 1

2^nd Goal 4lbs by Jan 1

3^rd Goal 6lbs by Feb 1

                Total loss: 14 lbs in 3 mths

Long Term – Final End Result

·         Alex: 135 lbs

·         AP#1: 150 lbs

·         AP#2: 140 lbs

Rules for breaking agreement

·         Extra workout- other person chooses weekly

·         $1.00 in jar for Nutritional portion weekly

·         If short term weight loss goal is not met, must pay difference of goals minus actual weight loss

Celebration for Weight Loss Goals

·         1^st goal- Starbucks/coffee (AP#2: go to the movies)

·         2^nd goal- Shopping trip

·         3^rd goal-Cook a new recipe 

Recipe: Fiber-ific Fried Chicken Strips

These were so yummy to make!  And really super good.  Actually, I still have chicken strips left over.  Good enough for a salad for dinner tonight! woohoo! :)

6 oz raw skinless boneless lean chicken breast, cut into 8 strips
1/2 c Fiber One bran cereal (original)
1/4 c fat-free liquid egg substitute
1/4 tsp garlic salt
Black pepper, to taste (I also used paprika, cumin, garlic powder as I didn't use garlic salt or regular salt, and about 3 dashes of cayenne pepper)

Preheat oven to 375 degrees.
Using a blender or food processor, grind Fiber One to a breadcrumb-like consistency.  Add garlic salt and black pepper to crumbs.  Place crumbs in one small dish and egg substitute in another.
Next, coat raw chicken--first w/ egg and then w/ crumbs.  Place strips on a baking pan sprayed w/ nonstick spray.  Add a light mist of nonstick spray on top and place in the oven.
Cook for 10 minutes and then turn strips over.  Spritz w/ another light mist of nonstick spray and cook for an additional 7-10 minutes, until chicken is fully cooked and crumb coating looks crispy.  Enjoy!

Note: I did it for 12 minutes on each side 'cause I wasn't sure how done they'd be...worked out perfectly!

Makes 1 serving

Weight Watchers Points: 7 (but I only ate 4 'cause that was more than enough, so obviously half yr points, including caloric intake!)

Per serving (8 strips): 277 calories, 3g fat, 696mg sodium (less if not use garlic salt or regular salt), 26g carbs, 14g fiber, 0g sugar, 47g protein

From: Hungry Girl by Lisa Lillien

Recipes: 2-good twice-baked potato; Upside Down Chocolate Cream Pie; Pumpkin Pie Smoothie

Now doesn't that title sound delicious?? :)  Here they are (which, by the way, all were REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY good!)!! :)

2-good twice-baked potato


1 medium (8 oz) baking potato (I used a larger one, I think...but farmer's market doesn't grow any that small haha)
1 slice fat-free American cheese
1 ounce fat-free liquid non-dairy creamer (I used almond milk as I didn't have this ingredient)
salt, paprika and parsley, to taste (I also used black pepper, garlic powder and onion powder)

Preheat oven to 375 degrees.
Puncture potato in several places w/ a fork.  Peel the skin off the top of the potato and then cook potato in the microwave for 6-8 minutes.
Once potato is cool enough to handle, scoop out the insides, leaving behind an empty potato shell.  Set shell aside.
Place potato pulp in a small dish and then add cheese, creamer, and a little salt.  Mash it all together until the cheese melts, leaving a creamy, cheesy mashed potato mixture.
Place potato mixture back into the empty shell and sprinkle w/ paprika and parsley.
Place potato in a baking dish sprayed lightly w/ nonstick spray and bake in the oven for 20-30 minutes, until top is nice and brown.

Makes1 serving.

Weight Watchers Points: 6

Per Serving (1 potato): 226 calories, 0.5g fat, 335mg sodium, 46g carbs, 5g fiber, 4g sugar, 9g protein

From: Hungry Girl: Recipes and Survival Strategies for Guilt-Free Eating in the Real World by Lisa Lillien






Upside Down Chocolate Cream Pie


1 Jell-O Sugar Free Chocolate Pudding Snack
1 sheet (4 crackers) low-fat honey graham crackers, crushed
2 tbsp Cool Whip Free (I used Reddi Whip as that was what was in my fridge)

Line the bottom of a small dish w/ whipped topping.  Evenly spoon pudding on top.  Cover w/ crushed graham cracker crumbs.  Voila!

Makes 1 serving.

Weight Watcher Points: 4

Per serving (entire recipe): 135 calories, 2.5g fat, 280mg sodium, 30g carbs, 1.5g fiber, 5g sugar, 3g protein

From: Hungry Girl: Recipes and Survival Strategies for Guilt-Free Eating in the Real World by Lisa Lillien





Pumpkin Pie Smoothie


3/4 c light vanilla soymilk
1/2 c canned pure pumpkin
1/4 c Cool Whip Free, thawed
1 tbsp sugar-free calorie-free vanilla syrup
1/2 tsp cinnamon
1/2 tsp brown sugar (not packed)
1/8 tsp pumpkin pie spice, or more to taste
2 no-calorie sweetener packets
1 cup crushed ice OR 5-8 ice cubes
2 tbsp Fat Free Reddi-wip
1/2 sheet (2 crackers) low-fat honey graham crackers, crushed

Place all ingredients except Reddi-wip and crushed graham crackers in a blender.  Blend at high speed until thoroughly mixed.
Pour the shake into a glass.  If you like, add additional pumpkin pie spice.  Top it off w/ Reddi-wip and crushed graham crackers. Mmmm!!

Makes 1 serving

Weight Watchers Points: 4

Per serving (entire smoothie): 172 calories, 2g fat, 147mg sodium, 32g carbs, 5g fiber, 13.5g sugars, 6g protein

What I learned building a bookcase

1. I'm smart, but apparently not smart enough to understand written directions.  (See, teachers, are always told you I was visual!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

2. I still have a tendency to cuss a lot express my feelings in such a way that, uh, does not bring glory to Jesus.  This tendency comes out more so when I can't understand written directions.  Or am very very very very very very frustrated.

3. I will endure much pain to get my objective/goal done.  As discovered by the numerous time I hit my thumb nail every time I attempted to hammer in those damn nails.  By golly I was going to get that stupid bookcase built if my roommate found me lying on the floor in a rocking puddle of mess because I tore it to pieces in my frustration.  (That's real talk for ya! haha)

4. I still struggle with patience.  Despite people telling me I'm patient, I know that I have a LONG way to go.  As experienced by numbers 1-3.

5. Even in my frustration and "expression of feelings", I still kept praying.  More on the lines of, "Jesus, THIS IS GOING TO WORK.  I AM NOT TAKING IT BACK JUST BECAUSE I SCREWED UP."  Yes, I did scream at Jesus.  And gave Him several dirty looks while praying.  (I have yet to see the humor in the knowledge that I have a great brain for math and science, but suck at written directions.)

6. Goes along w/ #5...I'm realizing more and more that in seasons of frustration, no matter the type of frustration, be it temptations, literal frustration, struggle, praise, whatever...more and more I am turning to Him, my best friend.  If you haven't realized it yet, I talk to Him like I do my best friend.  No matter where I'm at, I constantly hear His whispers/responses, even if that response is silence.  This, in seasons of hard times, has given me the greatest comfort.

7. I was not made to do things by myself.  You see, I know, my roommate knows, and several of my closest friends know: I have been banned from ever putting together a bookcase.  Or hanging up curtain rods/curtains. I apparently can't seem to manage a straight line, straight hammer, straight nail, straight screws...I just have issues w/ straight things apparently.  But me in my pride, I wanted to prove to myself and others that I wasn't a total screw up in this area.  So, instead of waiting for help, which I had asked for from a friend, I decided to take this journey on my own.  Which led to numbers 1-5.

8. And lastly, when it's all said and done, and the bookcase was put together...I realized that He still loves me.  Even in all my bad tendencies.  I used to get down on myself soooooo much every time I screwed up.  I thought I had to be perfect.  Do things perfectly.  Have everything JUST RIGHT when I did certain things.  I'm realizing more and more, lately, that I don't have to be perfect.  I can just be me.  In all my mess, He loves me. And He loves my messiness--inside and out.  On days I don't get things done quite the way I wish, He still loves me.

What an awesome God I serve.  What an awesome God I love.

Oh, and another lesson learned:

To bask in the mistakes made.  Why bask, you ask?  Because the mistakes give me a chance to ask Him how to go about things His way instead of mine.  With that being said, even if you've veered off the path a little, get back on, get back up, ask Him where to go, and try again. :)

My prayer for you:

That in all your messiness, you realize just how much He loves you: worts, mess and all.  He won't love you any less.  In my opinion, I think He'll love you more.  Why?  Because you've chosen to be honest with Him when you give Him and show Him your mess.

Love to each one of you. :)

Recipe: Egg Mug Burger-rama

This was surprisingly good.  I was a bit hesitant to try it, but I LOVED it! :)

1 Boca Original Meatless Burger (Vegan)
1/2 cup fat-free liquid egg substitute
1 slice fat-free American cheese, chopped (okay, so I cheated and used shredded cheese instead, but that's okay haha)
1 tbsp ketchup (I don't like ketchup, so I used salsa instead to make it a breakfast themed recipe)

Microwave Boca patty for 1 minute, and then chop into pieces.
Spray a large microwave-safe mug lightly w/ nonstick spray.  Add egg substitute, chopped Boca patty, and cheese, and stir.  Microwave for 1 minute.
Stir gently, and then microwave for another 45 to 60 seconds, until scramble is set.
Stir, top w/ ketchup, and enjoy!

Makes 1 serving

Weight Watchers Points: 4

Per serving (entire mug): 175 calories, 0.5g fat, 995mg sodium, 14g carbs, 4g fiber, 6g sugars, 30g protein

From, of course: Hungry Girl 1-2-3 by Lisa Lillien

Recipe: A.M. Apple Scramble

1 slice light white bread

1/2 cup fat-free liquid egg substitute

2 tbsp light vanilla soymilk

1/4 tsp vanilla extract

1/2 tsp cinnamon, or more to taste

2 no-calorie sweetener packets

2 dashes salt, or more to taste

1 cup peeled and finely chopped apple

3 tbsp old-fashioned oats

Toast bread.  Set aside to cool.

In a bowl, combine egg substitute, soy milk, vanilla extract, cinnamon, sweetener and salt.  Stir in apple and oats.  Set aside.

Roughly tear bread and place in a blender or food processor.  Pulse until reduced to small pieces.

Add egg-apple mixture to the blender/food processor and pulse until just mixed.  (Do not over-blend.)

Bring a skillet sprayed w/ nonstick spray to medium heat.  Add mixture and prepare as you would scrambled eggs, stirring and cooking for about 5 minutes, until solid bits form and mixture is slightly browned.

If you like, season w/ more cinnamon and salt.  Enjoy!

Makes 1 serving

Weight Watchers Points: 6

PER SERVING (entire scramble): 242 calories, 1.75g fat, 655mg sodium, 42g carbs, 6.25g fiber, 15.5g sugars, 17.5g protein

From: Hungry Girl 1-2-3: The Easiest, Most Delicious, Guilt-Free Recipes on the Planet by Lisa Lillien

Recipe: Expresso Cake in a Mug

Okay, I've just gotta say...this is stinkin' GOOD!! :)  Now on to the recipe:

1 tsp instant coffee granules
1 tsp mini semi-sweet chocolate chips
3 tbsp devil's food cake mix
1 tbsp fat-free sour cream
1 tbsp fat-free liquid egg substitute
1/4 tsp vanilla extract
1/8 tsp baking powder
1 no-calorie sweetener packet
Dash salt

Place coffee granules and chocolate chips in a microwave-safe mug sprayed with nonstick spray.  Add 2 tablespoons hot water and stir until ingredients have dissolved.
Add remaining ingredients and mix well.  Microwave for 1 min and 45 sec
Allow to cool slightly, and then enjoy!

Makes 1 serving

PER SERVING (entire recipe): 147 calories, 3.25g fat, 446mg sodium, 25.5g carbs, 0.5g fiber, 14.5g sugars, 3.5g protein

P.S.  I cheated and added a bit of nutella onto the top of the cake for a "frosting" :)  I was in the mood for lots of chocolate! haha  So that WILL change the calorie count.

Recipe: Guilt-free 1-2-3 BLT

2 slices light bread (40-45 calories each w/ abt 2g fiber per slice)
2 slices (abt 1 ounce) extra-lean turkey bacon
2 leaves romaine lettuce
2 slices tomato
2 tsp fat-free mayonnaise (I used dijonnaise instead)

Toast bread.  Meanwhile, prepare bacon according to pkg directions, either in a pan w/ nonstick spray or in the microwave.
Smear a teaspoon of mayo on each slice of bread.  Break bacon slices in half.  Top one slice of bread with the bacon, lettuce and tomato.
Add the other bread slice, cut sandwich in half and pig out!

Makes 1 serving.

PER SERVING (1 sandwich): 141 calories, 2g fat, 549mg sodium, 22g carbs, 6g fiber, 4g sugar, 11g protein

Realizations

I'd have to say that this week, the one thing I've realized is:

Understand that every step in the right direction is a victory in the battlefield of war.


It's all about the baby steps.  And which direction will I choose to go.


I've been taking those baby steps, especially in the area of my health.  Learning how to eat a BALANCED meal, that is PORTIONED.  Learning to incorporate exercise into my daily life.  Learning that every small choice that I make matters.


In essence, learning to listen to my Abba Father in the area of health and wholeness.


And it's been an exciting journey.  I've stumbled on several things that have changed in the past 3 weeks:

1. My stomach HATES soda...mostly the non-diet variety, when I do choose to drink soda.  Learned that last night.
2. My stomach HATES junk food.  Learned that yesterday.
3. My body CRAVES good-for-me things.  Mostly fruits and veggies, but w/ the occasional meat tossed here and there into the meal.  And I'm just now realizing...I haven't eaten much meat the past 3 weeks.  Some ham in my egg mc-muggin, some turkey pepperoni in my mini-pizzas, but quite honestly, I think that's really been the only meat.  Wow.  Kinda cool to realize that I very rarely eat meat now, but instead enjoy more veggies and fruits. :)
4. My body CANNOT STAND very much sugar anymore.  Too much sugar, and apparently my body decides to breakout into a semi-allergic reaction.  And it's only w/ the sweet sugary stuff.  I mean, I know I prayed that He help take away the sugar cravings, but I didn't think He'd do it that way. lol
5. When I don't exercise, I miss it.  Yes, really.  It's kinda weird to realize that.  I MISS EXERCISE. haha Doesn't mean I want to always do it.  Or even that I like it.  But I've trained my brain to realize that if I miss a workout on a scheduled day, it means I have to be even MORE disciplined in what I eat and do activity wise.
6. I can't do this journey alone.  I love posting certain things on facebook, and seeing/reading the encouragement of "you go girl" or "keep it up" or "every calorie counts".  What most people realize is...*insert girl moment here* I get really teary eyed when I read/see those.  If I sit and examine why, the biggest reason for that reaction: I'm so thankful.  I'm thankful for the people in my life who are encouraging me with their cheers.  I'm finally realizing how much I am worth.  After years of not understanding, not "getting it", not seeing it...  I'm realizing that I matter, that I'm someone "important".  That He sees me and REALLY sees me, every bit...and loves me no matter what.  The head knowledge is aligning with the heart knowledge He has been telling me for years. :)
7. When I walk in joy, the victories are the greatest, even if on occasion the step I take leads to a minor defeat.  I know.  Kind of confusing.  But let me break it down: this week, despite the stress, the junk, and everything else, I told my Abba Father that I would CHOOSE to walk in joy.  And those moments where I have made a CONSCIOUS EFFORT to choose joy, despite that step of, "I'll just eat one more chip, one more candy, one more yada yada yada", despite that, I've gotten up, dusted myself off, and kept on walking towards the right path. Yes, minor detours. But the realization of: I HAVEN'T GIVEN UP.  I CHOOSE NOT TO QUIT.  I SEE THE EYE OF THE TIGER (JESUS).  

So, that's what I've been realizing this week.

That I've been growing up in increments.

It's been rough.  It's been difficult.  Several times I've wanted to give in to the temptations and eat my way through emotions.  But I chose to talk with Jesus instead.  I chose to lay the temptations at the cross AND RUN.  Not to stand by the cookie jar (candy jar at the office), but instead, to go, "Jesus, I don't want to be the old me anymore.  I am CHOOSING TO BELIEVE for my word: supernatural weight loss.  Thank You for helping me make the RIGHT CHOICE in order to gain the VICTORY in the battlefield.

With that being said, my prayer for you:

That you would learn to rely on Him in the battlefield, so that when it comes to make the choice of flee or give in, you choose instead to run to Him, to listen to His voice, in order to win the victory in the midst of the war.

Accountability

So, tonight I worked out with a friend...and we braved the wonders of...ACCOUNTABILITY (dun0dun-dun...I love the dramatic music in my head haha).

Our discussion lead to an accountability contract which I wanted to share with, well, whoever reads this.  And also to have it documented here for me to look back on as I journey throughout the years.

If anyone wants to join in, lemme know! :)  The more the merrier! :)

Accountability for Weight Loss

Weekly Exercise Goals

·         30 mins of moving/work out 3 times a week.  NO EXCUSES!!!

·         At least 1 time a week meet for exercise/fellowship

Monthly Nutritional Goals

·         Eat balanced meal (incorporate veggies and fruit)

·         Strive 3 meals and 2 snacks a day

·         Food Journal – application/journal

·         Daily vitamins

·         Limit sweets once a day (Alex)

·         Limit soda to twice a week 

Weigh Loss Goal

Starting Weight:

AG: you so know I'm not putting it out there. lol

                Short Term Goal

·         Weigh only once weekly – notify each other!

·         .5-2.0 lbs per week

1^st Goal 4lbs by Dec 1

2^nd Goal 4lbs by Jan 1

3^rd Goal 6lbs by Feb 1

                Total loss: 14 lbs in 3 mths

Long Term – Final End Result

·         Alex: 135 lbs

·         AP: 150 lbs

Rules for breaking agreement

·         Extra workout- other person chooses weekly

·         $1.00 in jar for Nutritional portion weekly

·         If short term weight loss goal is not met, must pay difference of goals minus actual weight loss

Celebration for Weight Loss Goals

·         1^st goal- Starbucks/coffee

·         2^nd goal- Shopping trip

·         3^rd goal-Cook a new recipe