So, God has an awesome sense of humor. As well as some seriously divine connections w/ people and places. Through a friend, I was connected w/ a personal trainer. Her name is Debbie. And I had my first (impromptu) session w/ her...I went to see her in jeans and a t-shirt, not realizing she'd be working me out that same day! lol Needless to say, I was "glistening" (her word, not mine!...I just call it plain dripping sweat! lol).
I loved her on sight and felt immediately comfortable and encouraged. She's also a believer. And one thing she said to me that made me super excited, was that she'll be praying for me daily. And I'm SOOOOOO excited about that!! She stated this as she warmed me up and made me almost pant on the treadmill. haha
So, tonight w/ the encouragement of meeting a new goal, as well as reading a friend's post on Facebook on her making new goals for the new year regarding fitness, I sat down in front of the Hallmark Channel (hey, I did my workout already! Can you say the same?!) and watched a sappy movie (I love the Hallmark Channel during Christmas!). And wrote down my goals through April 30, 2012. And I shall write them out here.
And I'm going to be as brutally honest as possible. Ugh. I hate numbers!
So, I'm starting this journey at 272 lbs. I know, I know...most people say I don't look that big, but I am. The scale says so, and so do the pant sizes. But hey!! I started this journey at a whopping 285 lbs, so that's a VAST improvement!!!! Hard work DETERMINATION!!!!!!
My goals are broken down into these categories: jogging, walking, fellowship w/ exercise, cardio, meals/nutrition & weigh-in. (I won't be putting the weigh-in goals online)
By end of 1/31/12:
Jogging: 4 minutes total (doesn't have to be altogether, can be divied out throughout the walk--1 min walk, 1 min jog, 1 min walk, etc.)
Walking: 2 miles total (judged by Spectrum track)
Fellowship w/ exercise: 1 time a week w/ Naomi
Cardio: at least 20 minutes 5 times a week (the number of days is per Debbie)
Meals/Nutrition: 2 balanced meals/day; 1 protein shake/day; all vitamins/herbs taken; 2 T coconut oil/day; 1 serving of apple cider vinegar per day; 1 cup of green tea per day; 1 sweet per day; veggies w/ all meals
By end of 2/29/12:
Jogging: 4 1/2 min total
Walking: 2 1/2 miles total
Fellowship w/ Exercise: 1 time/week w/ Naomi; find someone to share the excitement w/
Cardio: at least 25 min 5x/week
Meals/Nutrition: 2 balanced meals per day, 1 snack a day; 1 protein shake per day and a handful of nuts; all vitamins/herbs taken; 2 1/2 T coconut oil/day; 2 servings of ACV/day; 1 cup of tea/day plus 1 cup of green tea in the a.m.; 1/2 sweet per day (3 oz dark choc); veggies w/ all meals, snack=veggie snack
By end of 3/31/12:
Jogging: 5 min total
Walking: 3 miles total
Fellowship w/ Exercise: 1 time/week w/ Naomi; pass on old clothes except 1 pair of jeans and 1 shirt
Cardio: at least 30 min 5x/week
Meals/Nutrition: 2 balanced meals/day, 2 snacks/day; 1 protein shake plus a handful of nuts; all vitamins/herbs taken; 3 T coconut oil taken; 2 servings of ACV plus some in protein shake; 1 cup of tea plus 1 cup green tea in a.m.; veggies=2 meals, both snacks veggie snacks
By end of 4/30/12:
Jogging: 5 1/2 min total
Walking: 3 1/2 mi total
Fellowship w/ Exercise: 2 times/week w/ Naomi (if she agrees)
Cardio: at least 20 min 6x/week
Meals/Nutrition: 3 balanced meals; 1 protein shake; 3 1/2 T coconut oil/day; 3 servings of ACV; 2 servings green tea; cup of fruit/day; veggies w/ all meals
So there you have it, in plain and simple writing! Now it's time to finish watching my Hallmark movie, go to bed, and get up to workout!! :)
Thursday, December 29, 2011
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
What I've Overcome
So, I first heard this song yesterday as I was driving into work. And I realized that I've found my "battle" song...my song for this season.
Every time I hear this song, my spirit literally jumps and goes, here it is. So, let me post the lyrics, then I'll explain. :)
What I've Overcome lyrics
I've got this passion
It's something I can't describe
It's so electric
It's like I've just come alive
I feel this freedom
Now that my past is erased
I feel the healing
I've found the meaning of grace
(I found grace)
If only you come see me yesterday
Who I used to be before the change
You'd see a broken heart
You'd see the battle scars
Funny how words can't explain
How good it feels to finally break the chains
I'm not what I have done
I'm what I've overcome
I know I'll stumble
I know I'll still face defeat
These second chances will define me
So I'm moving forward
I'm standing on my two feet
I've got momentum
I've got someone saving me
(got someone saving me)
If only you could see me yesterday
Who I used to be before the change
You'd see a broken heart
You'd see the battle scars
Funny how words can't explain
How good it finally feels to break the chains
I'm not what I have done
I'm what I've overcome
I make mistakes and I might fall
But I won't break
I've got someone saving me
If only you could see me yesterday
Who I used to be before the change
You'd see a broken heart
You'd see the battle scars
Funny how words can't explain
How good it feels to finally break the chains
I'm not what I have done
I'm what I've overcome
I'm what I've overcome
I'm what I've overcome
Every time I hear this song, my spirit literally jumps and goes, here it is. So, let me post the lyrics, then I'll explain. :)
What I've Overcome lyrics
I've got this passion
It's something I can't describe
It's so electric
It's like I've just come alive
I feel this freedom
Now that my past is erased
I feel the healing
I've found the meaning of grace
(I found grace)
If only you come see me yesterday
Who I used to be before the change
You'd see a broken heart
You'd see the battle scars
Funny how words can't explain
How good it feels to finally break the chains
I'm not what I have done
I'm what I've overcome
I know I'll stumble
I know I'll still face defeat
These second chances will define me
So I'm moving forward
I'm standing on my two feet
I've got momentum
I've got someone saving me
(got someone saving me)
If only you could see me yesterday
Who I used to be before the change
You'd see a broken heart
You'd see the battle scars
Funny how words can't explain
How good it finally feels to break the chains
I'm not what I have done
I'm what I've overcome
I make mistakes and I might fall
But I won't break
I've got someone saving me
If only you could see me yesterday
Who I used to be before the change
You'd see a broken heart
You'd see the battle scars
Funny how words can't explain
How good it feels to finally break the chains
I'm not what I have done
I'm what I've overcome
I'm what I've overcome
I'm what I've overcome
"Funny how words can't explain, How good it finally feels to break the chains, I'm not what I have done, I'm what I've overcome"
It's taken me 2 years to get to this point. Two very long, very heart-wrenching years. Through the battles, the trials, the mistakes, the tears, the anger and rage, the weeping and mourning, words can't explain how good it feels to finally break the chains. Even now, as I type, I feel tears just forming and pouring out. Tears of rejoicing, looking back and realizing just how much I've overcome.
"If only you could see me yesterday, Who I used to be before the change, I'm not what I have done, I'm what I've overcome"
So many people have told me they see such a change in me; all for His glory and good. And others, who sometimes think they know me, see Him in me and mistake it for me. All I've got to say to that, is I wish you could have seen me in those yesterdays, in the struggles, the battles, the rages, the tears, the heartache, the depression, the calls to my counselor and spiritual parents, the snot rags everywhere as I let lose a lifetime of crap I had been holding in for so long. "If only you could see me yesterday, you'd see a broken heart, you'd see the battle scars." And there are so many battle scars. Even now, I wear a battle scar to this day.
But I'm believing that "I won't break because I've got someone saving me". I'm believing that I'm what I've overcome.
So, with that being said...
My prayer for you:
You realize and understand your own battle scars, and that you get the revelation that you are what you have overcome. If you've overcome fear, you are a FAITH-FILLED person. If you've overcome the lies that life has to be lived in poverty, you are WALKING IN ABUNDANCE. If you've overcome the lies of ugly, fat, unworthy, you are A DAUGHTER/SON OF THE MOST HIGH KING, THE APPLE OF HIS EYE, BEAUTIFUL AND BELOVED, LONGED FOR, PRECIOUS AND DESIRED.
That you realize you are NOT what you have done, but that, through the breaking of chains, you are what you've overcome.
Sunday, November 13, 2011
...
everything in me is just roiling...I want to throw up so badly...trying very hard to not lose anything I ate today...so frustrated and angry and hurt, and so many words are boiling up inside me...and trying so very hard not to let anything out in anger or rage
so I'm going for a drive instead
picking up a friend
because right now, to be by myself, is very very very dangerous
so I'm going for a drive instead
picking up a friend
because right now, to be by myself, is very very very dangerous
Accountability Contract Update :)
Accountability for Weight Loss
Weekly Exercise Goals
·
30 mins of moving/work out 3 times a week. NO EXCUSES!!!
·
At least 1 time a week meet for
exercise/fellowship
Monthly Nutritional
Goals
·
Eat balanced meal (incorporate veggies and
fruit) (AP#2: eat 1 balanced meal/day)
·
Strive for 3 meals and 2 snacks a day
·
Food
Journal – application/journal
·
Daily vitamins
·
Limit sweets once a day (Alex & AP#2)
·
Limit soda to twice a week (AP#1)
·
Limit juice to once a day (AP#2)
Weigh Loss Goal
Starting Weight:
If I told you, I'd have to kill you. ;)
Short
Term Goal
·
Weigh only once weekly – notify each other!
·
.5-2.0 lbs per week
1st Goal 4lbs by Dec
1
2nd Goal 4lbs by Jan
1
3rd Goal 6lbs by Feb
1
Total
loss: 14 lbs in 3 mths
Long Term –
Final End Result
·
Alex: 135 lbs
·
AP#1: 150 lbs
·
AP#2: 140 lbs
Rules for breaking agreement
·
Extra workout- other person chooses weekly
·
$1.00 in jar for Nutritional portion weekly
·
If short term weight loss goal is not met, must pay
difference of goals minus actual weight loss
Celebration for Weight Loss
Goals
·
1st goal- Starbucks/coffee (AP#2: go
to the movies)
·
2nd goal- Shopping trip
·
3rd goal-Cook a new recipe
Recipe: Fiber-ific Fried Chicken Strips
These were so yummy to make! And really super good. Actually, I still have chicken strips left over. Good enough for a salad for dinner tonight! woohoo! :)
6 oz raw skinless boneless lean chicken breast, cut into 8 strips
1/2 c Fiber One bran cereal (original)
1/4 c fat-free liquid egg substitute
1/4 tsp garlic salt
Black pepper, to taste (I also used paprika, cumin, garlic powder as I didn't use garlic salt or regular salt, and about 3 dashes of cayenne pepper)
Preheat oven to 375 degrees.
Using a blender or food processor, grind Fiber One to a breadcrumb-like consistency. Add garlic salt and black pepper to crumbs. Place crumbs in one small dish and egg substitute in another.
Next, coat raw chicken--first w/ egg and then w/ crumbs. Place strips on a baking pan sprayed w/ nonstick spray. Add a light mist of nonstick spray on top and place in the oven.
Cook for 10 minutes and then turn strips over. Spritz w/ another light mist of nonstick spray and cook for an additional 7-10 minutes, until chicken is fully cooked and crumb coating looks crispy. Enjoy!
Note: I did it for 12 minutes on each side 'cause I wasn't sure how done they'd be...worked out perfectly!
Makes 1 serving
Weight Watchers Points: 7 (but I only ate 4 'cause that was more than enough, so obviously half yr points, including caloric intake!)
Per serving (8 strips): 277 calories, 3g fat, 696mg sodium (less if not use garlic salt or regular salt), 26g carbs, 14g fiber, 0g sugar, 47g protein
From: Hungry Girl by Lisa Lillien
6 oz raw skinless boneless lean chicken breast, cut into 8 strips
1/2 c Fiber One bran cereal (original)
1/4 c fat-free liquid egg substitute
1/4 tsp garlic salt
Black pepper, to taste (I also used paprika, cumin, garlic powder as I didn't use garlic salt or regular salt, and about 3 dashes of cayenne pepper)
Preheat oven to 375 degrees.
Using a blender or food processor, grind Fiber One to a breadcrumb-like consistency. Add garlic salt and black pepper to crumbs. Place crumbs in one small dish and egg substitute in another.
Next, coat raw chicken--first w/ egg and then w/ crumbs. Place strips on a baking pan sprayed w/ nonstick spray. Add a light mist of nonstick spray on top and place in the oven.
Cook for 10 minutes and then turn strips over. Spritz w/ another light mist of nonstick spray and cook for an additional 7-10 minutes, until chicken is fully cooked and crumb coating looks crispy. Enjoy!
Note: I did it for 12 minutes on each side 'cause I wasn't sure how done they'd be...worked out perfectly!
Makes 1 serving
Weight Watchers Points: 7 (but I only ate 4 'cause that was more than enough, so obviously half yr points, including caloric intake!)
Per serving (8 strips): 277 calories, 3g fat, 696mg sodium (less if not use garlic salt or regular salt), 26g carbs, 14g fiber, 0g sugar, 47g protein
From: Hungry Girl by Lisa Lillien
Recipes: 2-good twice-baked potato; Upside Down Chocolate Cream Pie; Pumpkin Pie Smoothie
Now doesn't that title sound delicious?? :) Here they are (which, by the way, all were REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY good!)!! :)
2-good twice-baked potato
1 medium (8 oz) baking potato (I used a larger one, I think...but farmer's market doesn't grow any that small haha)
1 slice fat-free American cheese
1 ounce fat-free liquid non-dairy creamer (I used almond milk as I didn't have this ingredient)
salt, paprika and parsley, to taste (I also used black pepper, garlic powder and onion powder)
Preheat oven to 375 degrees.
Puncture potato in several places w/ a fork. Peel the skin off the top of the potato and then cook potato in the microwave for 6-8 minutes.
Once potato is cool enough to handle, scoop out the insides, leaving behind an empty potato shell. Set shell aside.
Place potato pulp in a small dish and then add cheese, creamer, and a little salt. Mash it all together until the cheese melts, leaving a creamy, cheesy mashed potato mixture.
Place potato mixture back into the empty shell and sprinkle w/ paprika and parsley.
Place potato in a baking dish sprayed lightly w/ nonstick spray and bake in the oven for 20-30 minutes, until top is nice and brown.
Makes1 serving.
Weight Watchers Points: 6
Per Serving (1 potato): 226 calories, 0.5g fat, 335mg sodium, 46g carbs, 5g fiber, 4g sugar, 9g protein
From: Hungry Girl: Recipes and Survival Strategies for Guilt-Free Eating in the Real World by Lisa Lillien
Upside Down Chocolate Cream Pie
1 Jell-O Sugar Free Chocolate Pudding Snack
1 sheet (4 crackers) low-fat honey graham crackers, crushed
2 tbsp Cool Whip Free (I used Reddi Whip as that was what was in my fridge)
Line the bottom of a small dish w/ whipped topping. Evenly spoon pudding on top. Cover w/ crushed graham cracker crumbs. Voila!
Makes 1 serving.
Weight Watcher Points: 4
Per serving (entire recipe): 135 calories, 2.5g fat, 280mg sodium, 30g carbs, 1.5g fiber, 5g sugar, 3g protein
From: Hungry Girl: Recipes and Survival Strategies for Guilt-Free Eating in the Real World by Lisa Lillien
Pumpkin Pie Smoothie
3/4 c light vanilla soymilk
1/2 c canned pure pumpkin
1/4 c Cool Whip Free, thawed
1 tbsp sugar-free calorie-free vanilla syrup
1/2 tsp cinnamon
1/2 tsp brown sugar (not packed)
1/8 tsp pumpkin pie spice, or more to taste
2 no-calorie sweetener packets
1 cup crushed ice OR 5-8 ice cubes
2 tbsp Fat Free Reddi-wip
1/2 sheet (2 crackers) low-fat honey graham crackers, crushed
Place all ingredients except Reddi-wip and crushed graham crackers in a blender. Blend at high speed until thoroughly mixed.
Pour the shake into a glass. If you like, add additional pumpkin pie spice. Top it off w/ Reddi-wip and crushed graham crackers. Mmmm!!
Makes 1 serving
Weight Watchers Points: 4
Per serving (entire smoothie): 172 calories, 2g fat, 147mg sodium, 32g carbs, 5g fiber, 13.5g sugars, 6g protein
2-good twice-baked potato
1 medium (8 oz) baking potato (I used a larger one, I think...but farmer's market doesn't grow any that small haha)
1 slice fat-free American cheese
1 ounce fat-free liquid non-dairy creamer (I used almond milk as I didn't have this ingredient)
salt, paprika and parsley, to taste (I also used black pepper, garlic powder and onion powder)
Preheat oven to 375 degrees.
Puncture potato in several places w/ a fork. Peel the skin off the top of the potato and then cook potato in the microwave for 6-8 minutes.
Once potato is cool enough to handle, scoop out the insides, leaving behind an empty potato shell. Set shell aside.
Place potato pulp in a small dish and then add cheese, creamer, and a little salt. Mash it all together until the cheese melts, leaving a creamy, cheesy mashed potato mixture.
Place potato mixture back into the empty shell and sprinkle w/ paprika and parsley.
Place potato in a baking dish sprayed lightly w/ nonstick spray and bake in the oven for 20-30 minutes, until top is nice and brown.
Makes1 serving.
Weight Watchers Points: 6
Per Serving (1 potato): 226 calories, 0.5g fat, 335mg sodium, 46g carbs, 5g fiber, 4g sugar, 9g protein
From: Hungry Girl: Recipes and Survival Strategies for Guilt-Free Eating in the Real World by Lisa Lillien
Upside Down Chocolate Cream Pie
1 Jell-O Sugar Free Chocolate Pudding Snack
1 sheet (4 crackers) low-fat honey graham crackers, crushed
2 tbsp Cool Whip Free (I used Reddi Whip as that was what was in my fridge)
Line the bottom of a small dish w/ whipped topping. Evenly spoon pudding on top. Cover w/ crushed graham cracker crumbs. Voila!
Makes 1 serving.
Weight Watcher Points: 4
Per serving (entire recipe): 135 calories, 2.5g fat, 280mg sodium, 30g carbs, 1.5g fiber, 5g sugar, 3g protein
From: Hungry Girl: Recipes and Survival Strategies for Guilt-Free Eating in the Real World by Lisa Lillien
Pumpkin Pie Smoothie
3/4 c light vanilla soymilk
1/2 c canned pure pumpkin
1/4 c Cool Whip Free, thawed
1 tbsp sugar-free calorie-free vanilla syrup
1/2 tsp cinnamon
1/2 tsp brown sugar (not packed)
1/8 tsp pumpkin pie spice, or more to taste
2 no-calorie sweetener packets
1 cup crushed ice OR 5-8 ice cubes
2 tbsp Fat Free Reddi-wip
1/2 sheet (2 crackers) low-fat honey graham crackers, crushed
Place all ingredients except Reddi-wip and crushed graham crackers in a blender. Blend at high speed until thoroughly mixed.
Pour the shake into a glass. If you like, add additional pumpkin pie spice. Top it off w/ Reddi-wip and crushed graham crackers. Mmmm!!
Makes 1 serving
Weight Watchers Points: 4
Per serving (entire smoothie): 172 calories, 2g fat, 147mg sodium, 32g carbs, 5g fiber, 13.5g sugars, 6g protein
Saturday, November 12, 2011
What I learned building a bookcase
1. I'm smart, but apparently not smart enough to understand written directions. (See, teachers, are always told you I was visual!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)
2. I still have a tendency tocuss a lot express my feelings in such a way that, uh, does not bring glory to Jesus. This tendency comes out more so when I can't understand written directions. Or am very very very very very very frustrated.
3. I will endure much pain to get my objective/goal done. As discovered by the numerous time I hit my thumb nail every time I attempted to hammer in thosedamn nails. By golly I was going to get that stupid bookcase built if my roommate found me lying on the floor in a rocking puddle of mess because I tore it to pieces in my frustration. (That's real talk for ya! haha)
4. I still struggle with patience. Despite people telling me I'm patient, I know that I have a LONG way to go. As experienced by numbers 1-3.
5. Even in my frustration and "expression of feelings", I still kept praying. More on the lines of, "Jesus, THIS IS GOING TO WORK. I AM NOT TAKING IT BACK JUST BECAUSE I SCREWED UP." Yes, I did scream at Jesus. And gave Him several dirty looks while praying. (I have yet to see the humor in the knowledge that I have a great brain for math and science, but suck at written directions.)
6. Goes along w/ #5...I'm realizing more and more that in seasons of frustration, no matter the type of frustration, be it temptations, literal frustration, struggle, praise, whatever...more and more I am turning to Him, my best friend. If you haven't realized it yet, I talk to Him like I do my best friend. No matter where I'm at, I constantly hear His whispers/responses, even if that response is silence. This, in seasons of hard times, has given me the greatest comfort.
7. I was not made to do things by myself. You see, I know, my roommate knows, and several of my closest friends know: I have been banned from ever putting together a bookcase. Or hanging up curtain rods/curtains. I apparently can't seem to manage a straight line, straight hammer, straight nail, straight screws...I just have issues w/ straight things apparently. But me in my pride, I wanted to prove to myself and others that I wasn't a total screw up in this area. So, instead of waiting for help, which I had asked for from a friend, I decided to take this journey on my own. Which led to numbers 1-5.
8. And lastly, when it's all said and done, and the bookcase was put together...I realized that He still loves me. Even in all my bad tendencies. I used to get down on myself soooooo much every time I screwed up. I thought I had to be perfect. Do things perfectly. Have everything JUST RIGHT when I did certain things. I'm realizing more and more, lately, that I don't have to be perfect. I can just be me. In all my mess, He loves me. And He loves my messiness--inside and out. On days I don't get things done quite the way I wish, He still loves me.
What an awesome God I serve. What an awesome God I love.
Oh, and another lesson learned:
To bask in the mistakes made. Why bask, you ask? Because the mistakes give me a chance to ask Him how to go about things His way instead of mine. With that being said, even if you've veered off the path a little, get back on, get back up, ask Him where to go, and try again. :)
My prayer for you:
That in all your messiness, you realize just how much He loves you: worts, mess and all. He won't love you any less. In my opinion, I think He'll love you more. Why? Because you've chosen to be honest with Him when you give Him and show Him your mess.
Love to each one of you. :)
2. I still have a tendency to
3. I will endure much pain to get my objective/goal done. As discovered by the numerous time I hit my thumb nail every time I attempted to hammer in those
4. I still struggle with patience. Despite people telling me I'm patient, I know that I have a LONG way to go. As experienced by numbers 1-3.
5. Even in my frustration and "expression of feelings", I still kept praying. More on the lines of, "Jesus, THIS IS GOING TO WORK. I AM NOT TAKING IT BACK JUST BECAUSE I SCREWED UP." Yes, I did scream at Jesus. And gave Him several dirty looks while praying. (I have yet to see the humor in the knowledge that I have a great brain for math and science, but suck at written directions.)
6. Goes along w/ #5...I'm realizing more and more that in seasons of frustration, no matter the type of frustration, be it temptations, literal frustration, struggle, praise, whatever...more and more I am turning to Him, my best friend. If you haven't realized it yet, I talk to Him like I do my best friend. No matter where I'm at, I constantly hear His whispers/responses, even if that response is silence. This, in seasons of hard times, has given me the greatest comfort.
7. I was not made to do things by myself. You see, I know, my roommate knows, and several of my closest friends know: I have been banned from ever putting together a bookcase. Or hanging up curtain rods/curtains. I apparently can't seem to manage a straight line, straight hammer, straight nail, straight screws...I just have issues w/ straight things apparently. But me in my pride, I wanted to prove to myself and others that I wasn't a total screw up in this area. So, instead of waiting for help, which I had asked for from a friend, I decided to take this journey on my own. Which led to numbers 1-5.
8. And lastly, when it's all said and done, and the bookcase was put together...I realized that He still loves me. Even in all my bad tendencies. I used to get down on myself soooooo much every time I screwed up. I thought I had to be perfect. Do things perfectly. Have everything JUST RIGHT when I did certain things. I'm realizing more and more, lately, that I don't have to be perfect. I can just be me. In all my mess, He loves me. And He loves my messiness--inside and out. On days I don't get things done quite the way I wish, He still loves me.
What an awesome God I serve. What an awesome God I love.
Oh, and another lesson learned:
To bask in the mistakes made. Why bask, you ask? Because the mistakes give me a chance to ask Him how to go about things His way instead of mine. With that being said, even if you've veered off the path a little, get back on, get back up, ask Him where to go, and try again. :)
My prayer for you:
That in all your messiness, you realize just how much He loves you: worts, mess and all. He won't love you any less. In my opinion, I think He'll love you more. Why? Because you've chosen to be honest with Him when you give Him and show Him your mess.
Love to each one of you. :)
Friday, November 11, 2011
Recipe: Egg Mug Burger-rama
This was surprisingly good. I was a bit hesitant to try it, but I LOVED it! :)
1 Boca Original Meatless Burger (Vegan)
1/2 cup fat-free liquid egg substitute
1 slice fat-free American cheese, chopped (okay, so I cheated and used shredded cheese instead, but that's okay haha)
1 tbsp ketchup (I don't like ketchup, so I used salsa instead to make it a breakfast themed recipe)
Microwave Boca patty for 1 minute, and then chop into pieces.
Spray a large microwave-safe mug lightly w/ nonstick spray. Add egg substitute, chopped Boca patty, and cheese, and stir. Microwave for 1 minute.
Stir gently, and then microwave for another 45 to 60 seconds, until scramble is set.
Stir, top w/ ketchup, and enjoy!
Makes 1 serving
Weight Watchers Points: 4
Per serving (entire mug): 175 calories, 0.5g fat, 995mg sodium, 14g carbs, 4g fiber, 6g sugars, 30g protein
From, of course: Hungry Girl 1-2-3 by Lisa Lillien
1 Boca Original Meatless Burger (Vegan)
1/2 cup fat-free liquid egg substitute
1 slice fat-free American cheese, chopped (okay, so I cheated and used shredded cheese instead, but that's okay haha)
1 tbsp ketchup (I don't like ketchup, so I used salsa instead to make it a breakfast themed recipe)
Microwave Boca patty for 1 minute, and then chop into pieces.
Spray a large microwave-safe mug lightly w/ nonstick spray. Add egg substitute, chopped Boca patty, and cheese, and stir. Microwave for 1 minute.
Stir gently, and then microwave for another 45 to 60 seconds, until scramble is set.
Stir, top w/ ketchup, and enjoy!
Makes 1 serving
Weight Watchers Points: 4
Per serving (entire mug): 175 calories, 0.5g fat, 995mg sodium, 14g carbs, 4g fiber, 6g sugars, 30g protein
From, of course: Hungry Girl 1-2-3 by Lisa Lillien
Thursday, November 10, 2011
Recipe: A.M. Apple Scramble
1 slice light white bread
1/2 cup fat-free liquid egg substitute
2 tbsp light vanilla soymilk
1/4 tsp vanilla extract
1/2 tsp cinnamon, or more to taste
2 no-calorie sweetener packets
2 dashes salt, or more to taste
1 cup peeled and finely chopped apple
3 tbsp old-fashioned oats
Toast bread. Set aside to cool.
In a bowl, combine egg substitute, soy milk, vanilla extract, cinnamon, sweetener and salt. Stir in apple and oats. Set aside.
Roughly tear bread and place in a blender or food processor. Pulse until reduced to small pieces.
Add egg-apple mixture to the blender/food processor and pulse until just mixed. (Do not over-blend.)
Bring a skillet sprayed w/ nonstick spray to medium heat. Add mixture and prepare as you would scrambled eggs, stirring and cooking for about 5 minutes, until solid bits form and mixture is slightly browned.
If you like, season w/ more cinnamon and salt. Enjoy!
Makes 1 serving
Weight Watchers Points: 6
PER SERVING (entire scramble): 242 calories, 1.75g fat, 655mg sodium, 42g carbs, 6.25g fiber, 15.5g sugars, 17.5g protein
From: Hungry Girl 1-2-3: The Easiest, Most Delicious, Guilt-Free Recipes on the Planet by Lisa Lillien
From: Hungry Girl 1-2-3: The Easiest, Most Delicious, Guilt-Free Recipes on the Planet by Lisa Lillien
Tuesday, November 8, 2011
Recipe: Expresso Cake in a Mug
Okay, I've just gotta say...this is stinkin' GOOD!! :) Now on to the recipe:
1 tsp instant coffee granules
1 tsp mini semi-sweet chocolate chips
3 tbsp devil's food cake mix
1 tbsp fat-free sour cream
1 tbsp fat-free liquid egg substitute
1/4 tsp vanilla extract
1/8 tsp baking powder
1 no-calorie sweetener packet
Dash salt
Place coffee granules and chocolate chips in a microwave-safe mug sprayed with nonstick spray. Add 2 tablespoons hot water and stir until ingredients have dissolved.
Add remaining ingredients and mix well. Microwave for 1 min and 45 sec
Allow to cool slightly, and then enjoy!
Makes 1 serving
PER SERVING (entire recipe): 147 calories, 3.25g fat, 446mg sodium, 25.5g carbs, 0.5g fiber, 14.5g sugars, 3.5g protein
P.S. I cheated and added a bit of nutella onto the top of the cake for a "frosting" :) I was in the mood for lots of chocolate! haha So that WILL change the calorie count.
1 tsp instant coffee granules
1 tsp mini semi-sweet chocolate chips
3 tbsp devil's food cake mix
1 tbsp fat-free sour cream
1 tbsp fat-free liquid egg substitute
1/4 tsp vanilla extract
1/8 tsp baking powder
1 no-calorie sweetener packet
Dash salt
Place coffee granules and chocolate chips in a microwave-safe mug sprayed with nonstick spray. Add 2 tablespoons hot water and stir until ingredients have dissolved.
Add remaining ingredients and mix well. Microwave for 1 min and 45 sec
Allow to cool slightly, and then enjoy!
Makes 1 serving
PER SERVING (entire recipe): 147 calories, 3.25g fat, 446mg sodium, 25.5g carbs, 0.5g fiber, 14.5g sugars, 3.5g protein
P.S. I cheated and added a bit of nutella onto the top of the cake for a "frosting" :) I was in the mood for lots of chocolate! haha So that WILL change the calorie count.
Recipe: Guilt-free 1-2-3 BLT
2 slices light bread (40-45 calories each w/ abt 2g fiber per slice)
2 slices (abt 1 ounce) extra-lean turkey bacon
2 leaves romaine lettuce
2 slices tomato
2 tsp fat-free mayonnaise (I used dijonnaise instead)
Toast bread. Meanwhile, prepare bacon according to pkg directions, either in a pan w/ nonstick spray or in the microwave.
Smear a teaspoon of mayo on each slice of bread. Break bacon slices in half. Top one slice of bread with the bacon, lettuce and tomato.
Add the other bread slice, cut sandwich in half and pig out!
Makes 1 serving.
PER SERVING (1 sandwich): 141 calories, 2g fat, 549mg sodium, 22g carbs, 6g fiber, 4g sugar, 11g protein
2 slices (abt 1 ounce) extra-lean turkey bacon
2 leaves romaine lettuce
2 slices tomato
2 tsp fat-free mayonnaise (I used dijonnaise instead)
Toast bread. Meanwhile, prepare bacon according to pkg directions, either in a pan w/ nonstick spray or in the microwave.
Smear a teaspoon of mayo on each slice of bread. Break bacon slices in half. Top one slice of bread with the bacon, lettuce and tomato.
Add the other bread slice, cut sandwich in half and pig out!
Makes 1 serving.
PER SERVING (1 sandwich): 141 calories, 2g fat, 549mg sodium, 22g carbs, 6g fiber, 4g sugar, 11g protein
Saturday, November 5, 2011
Realizations
I'd have to say that this week, the one thing I've realized is:
Understand that every step in the right direction is a victory in the battlefield of war.
It's all about the baby steps. And which direction will I choose to go.
I've been taking those baby steps, especially in the area of my health. Learning how to eat a BALANCED meal, that is PORTIONED. Learning to incorporate exercise into my daily life. Learning that every small choice that I make matters.
In essence, learning to listen to my Abba Father in the area of health and wholeness.
And it's been an exciting journey. I've stumbled on several things that have changed in the past 3 weeks:
Understand that every step in the right direction is a victory in the battlefield of war.
It's all about the baby steps. And which direction will I choose to go.
I've been taking those baby steps, especially in the area of my health. Learning how to eat a BALANCED meal, that is PORTIONED. Learning to incorporate exercise into my daily life. Learning that every small choice that I make matters.
In essence, learning to listen to my Abba Father in the area of health and wholeness.
And it's been an exciting journey. I've stumbled on several things that have changed in the past 3 weeks:
- My stomach HATES soda...mostly the non-diet variety, when I do choose to drink soda. Learned that last night.
- My stomach HATES junk food. Learned that yesterday.
- My body CRAVES good-for-me things. Mostly fruits and veggies, but w/ the occasional meat tossed here and there into the meal. And I'm just now realizing...I haven't eaten much meat the past 3 weeks. Some ham in my egg mc-muggin, some turkey pepperoni in my mini-pizzas, but quite honestly, I think that's really been the only meat. Wow. Kinda cool to realize that I very rarely eat meat now, but instead enjoy more veggies and fruits. :)
- My body CANNOT STAND very much sugar anymore. Too much sugar, and apparently my body decides to breakout into a semi-allergic reaction. And it's only w/ the sweet sugary stuff. I mean, I know I prayed that He help take away the sugar cravings, but I didn't think He'd do it that way. lol
- When I don't exercise, I miss it. Yes, really. It's kinda weird to realize that. I MISS EXERCISE. haha Doesn't mean I want to always do it. Or even that I like it. But I've trained my brain to realize that if I miss a workout on a scheduled day, it means I have to be even MORE disciplined in what I eat and do activity wise.
- I can't do this journey alone. I love posting certain things on facebook, and seeing/reading the encouragement of "you go girl" or "keep it up" or "every calorie counts". What most people realize is...*insert girl moment here* I get really teary eyed when I read/see those. If I sit and examine why, the biggest reason for that reaction: I'm so thankful. I'm thankful for the people in my life who are encouraging me with their cheers. I'm finally realizing how much I am worth. After years of not understanding, not "getting it", not seeing it... I'm realizing that I matter, that I'm someone "important". That He sees me and REALLY sees me, every bit...and loves me no matter what. The head knowledge is aligning with the heart knowledge He has been telling me for years. :)
- When I walk in joy, the victories are the greatest, even if on occasion the step I take leads to a minor defeat. I know. Kind of confusing. But let me break it down: this week, despite the stress, the junk, and everything else, I told my Abba Father that I would CHOOSE to walk in joy. And those moments where I have made a CONSCIOUS EFFORT to choose joy, despite that step of, "I'll just eat one more chip, one more candy, one more yada yada yada", despite that, I've gotten up, dusted myself off, and kept on walking towards the right path. Yes, minor detours. But the realization of: I HAVEN'T GIVEN UP. I CHOOSE NOT TO QUIT. I SEE THE EYE OF THE TIGER (JESUS).
So, that's what I've been realizing this week.
That I've been growing up in increments.
It's been rough. It's been difficult. Several times I've wanted to give in to the temptations and eat my way through emotions. But I chose to talk with Jesus instead. I chose to lay the temptations at the cross AND RUN. Not to stand by the cookie jar (candy jar at the office), but instead, to go, "Jesus, I don't want to be the old me anymore. I am CHOOSING TO BELIEVE for my word: supernatural weight loss. Thank You for helping me make the RIGHT CHOICE in order to gain the VICTORY in the battlefield.
With that being said, my prayer for you:
That you would learn to rely on Him in the battlefield, so that when it comes to make the choice of flee or give in, you choose instead to run to Him, to listen to His voice, in order to win the victory in the midst of the war.
Wednesday, November 2, 2011
Accountability
So, tonight I worked out with a friend...and we braved the wonders of...ACCOUNTABILITY (dun0dun-dun...I love the dramatic music in my head haha).
Our discussion lead to an accountability contract which I wanted to share with, well, whoever reads this. And also to have it documented here for me to look back on as I journey throughout the years.
If anyone wants to join in, lemme know! :) The more the merrier! :)
Our discussion lead to an accountability contract which I wanted to share with, well, whoever reads this. And also to have it documented here for me to look back on as I journey throughout the years.
If anyone wants to join in, lemme know! :) The more the merrier! :)
Accountability for Weight Loss
Weekly Exercise Goals
·
30 mins of moving/work out 3 times a week. NO EXCUSES!!!
·
At least 1 time a week meet for
exercise/fellowship
Monthly Nutritional
Goals
·
Eat balanced meal (incorporate veggies and
fruit)
·
Strive 3 meals and 2 snacks a day
·
Food
Journal – application/journal
·
Daily vitamins
·
Limit sweets once a day (Alex)
·
Limit soda to twice a week
Weigh Loss Goal
Starting Weight:
AG: you so know I'm not putting it out there. lol
Short
Term Goal
·
Weigh only once weekly – notify each other!
·
.5-2.0 lbs per week
1st Goal 4lbs by Dec
1
2nd Goal 4lbs by Jan
1
3rd Goal 6lbs by Feb
1
Total
loss: 14 lbs in 3 mths
Long Term –
Final End Result
·
Alex: 135 lbs
·
AP: 150 lbs
Rules for breaking agreement
·
Extra workout- other person chooses weekly
·
$1.00 in jar for Nutritional portion weekly
·
If short term weight loss goal is not met, must pay
difference of goals minus actual weight loss
Celebration for Weight Loss
Goals
·
1st goal- Starbucks/coffee
·
2nd goal- Shopping trip
·
3rd goal-Cook a new recipe
Sunday, October 30, 2011
Recipe: Cookie-rific Ice Cream Freeze
5 oz light vanilla soymilk
1/4 cup fat-free vanilla ice cream
1/2 pack of 100 Calorie Packs Oreo Thin Crisps OR 3/4 sheet (3 crackers) chocolate graham crackers (oops...just realized I made mine wrong, as I dumped the whole pack in...oh well!)
1 tsp Coffee-mat Fat Free French Vanilla powdered creamer, dissolved in 1oz warm water)
2 no-calorie sweetener packets (I used Truvia)
5-8 ice cubes OR 1 cup crushed ice
Optional: Fat Free Reddi-wip
Place all ingredients in blender. Blend on high for 45-60 seconds (until mixed thoroughly). Pour into a tall glass and enjoy. Mmmmmmmm!
Makes 1 serving
Weight Watcher's Points: 3
Per serving (entire recipe): 160 calories, .5g fat, 189mg sodium, 28g carbs, 1.5g fiber, 14g sugars, 6g protein
1/4 cup fat-free vanilla ice cream
1/2 pack of 100 Calorie Packs Oreo Thin Crisps OR 3/4 sheet (3 crackers) chocolate graham crackers (oops...just realized I made mine wrong, as I dumped the whole pack in...oh well!)
1 tsp Coffee-mat Fat Free French Vanilla powdered creamer, dissolved in 1oz warm water)
2 no-calorie sweetener packets (I used Truvia)
5-8 ice cubes OR 1 cup crushed ice
Optional: Fat Free Reddi-wip
Place all ingredients in blender. Blend on high for 45-60 seconds (until mixed thoroughly). Pour into a tall glass and enjoy. Mmmmmmmm!
Makes 1 serving
Weight Watcher's Points: 3
Per serving (entire recipe): 160 calories, .5g fat, 189mg sodium, 28g carbs, 1.5g fiber, 14g sugars, 6g protein
Recipes: Rockin' Tuna Melt & Lord of the Onion Rings
Rockin' Tuna Melt
2 slices light bread (40-45 calories each w/ abt 2g fiber per slice)-->I used multigrain 10-grain bread by Oroweat
2 oz canned tuna packed in water, drained and flaked
1 tbsp fat-free mayonnaise
1 tbsp chopped carrots
1 tsp Hellmann's Dijonnaise
1 slice fat-free American cheese
2 slices tomato
salt and black pepper, to taste
To make tuna salad, combine tuna, mayo, Dijonnaise and carrots in a small bowl. Add salt and pepper to taste. (I omitted the salt in this recipe, as too much of it makes my feet/ankles swell up.)
Toast bread slices and then place them on a nonstick baking pan. (I forgot to toast them, and my bread was a bit soggy at the end. Still yummy though!! So, DON'T FORGET TO TOAST!!) Pile all of the tuna salad onto one slice of bread. Place tomato on the other slice of bread and cover with cheese.
Place pan in the oven or toaster oven and broil until cheese has melted.
Place the cheese-topped bread slice on top of the tuna-topped slice. Cut sandwich in half and enjoy.
Makes 1 serving.
Note: I just doubled the recipe and used the whole can so that way I'll have my dinner for tomorrow. And this recipe was YUMMY!!
Weight Watcher's Points: 5
Per serving (1 sandwich): 212 calories, 2.5g fat, 929mg sodium, 27g carbs, 6g fiber, 7g sugar, 24g protein
Lord of the Onion Rings
1 large onion
1/2 cup Fiber One bran cereal (original)
1/4 cup fat-free liquid egg substitute
Dash of salt (I omitted this.)
Optional: additional salt, black pepper, oregano, garlic powder, onion powder, etc. (For mine, I used cumin powder, garlic powder, black pepper, cayenne pepper.)
Preheat oven to 275 degrees.
Cut the ends off of the onion, and remove the outer layer. Cut onion into 1/2-inch-wide slices, and separate into rings.
Using a blender or food processor, grind Fiber One to a bread-crumb like consistency. Pour Fiber One "breadcrumbs" into a small dish and mix in salt, and any optional spices you like.
Next, fill a small bowl (just large enough for onion rings to fit in) w/ egg substitute. One by one, coat each ring first in egg and then in the "breadcrumbs" (give each ring a shake after the egg bath).
Evenly place rings on a baking dish sprayed w/ nonstick spray. Cook for 20-25 minutes, flipping rings over about halfway through.
Makes 1 humongous serving
Notes: These were DELICIOUS! And this is coming from the girl who LOVES Sonic's onion rings. Who loves onion rings period. I didn't use all of the egg though, so I might just do a bit less than 1/4 cup next time. But then again, I didn't use the whole onion either, as I only had room for so many rings on the pan. :)
Weight Watcher's Points: 4
Per serving (entire recipe): 153 calories, 1g fat, 379mg sodium, 41g carbs, 16g fiber, 7g sugar, 9g protein
2 slices light bread (40-45 calories each w/ abt 2g fiber per slice)-->I used multigrain 10-grain bread by Oroweat
2 oz canned tuna packed in water, drained and flaked
1 tbsp fat-free mayonnaise
1 tbsp chopped carrots
1 tsp Hellmann's Dijonnaise
1 slice fat-free American cheese
2 slices tomato
salt and black pepper, to taste
To make tuna salad, combine tuna, mayo, Dijonnaise and carrots in a small bowl. Add salt and pepper to taste. (I omitted the salt in this recipe, as too much of it makes my feet/ankles swell up.)
Toast bread slices and then place them on a nonstick baking pan. (I forgot to toast them, and my bread was a bit soggy at the end. Still yummy though!! So, DON'T FORGET TO TOAST!!) Pile all of the tuna salad onto one slice of bread. Place tomato on the other slice of bread and cover with cheese.
Place pan in the oven or toaster oven and broil until cheese has melted.
Place the cheese-topped bread slice on top of the tuna-topped slice. Cut sandwich in half and enjoy.
Makes 1 serving.
Note: I just doubled the recipe and used the whole can so that way I'll have my dinner for tomorrow. And this recipe was YUMMY!!
Weight Watcher's Points: 5
Per serving (1 sandwich): 212 calories, 2.5g fat, 929mg sodium, 27g carbs, 6g fiber, 7g sugar, 24g protein
Lord of the Onion Rings
1 large onion
1/2 cup Fiber One bran cereal (original)
1/4 cup fat-free liquid egg substitute
Dash of salt (I omitted this.)
Optional: additional salt, black pepper, oregano, garlic powder, onion powder, etc. (For mine, I used cumin powder, garlic powder, black pepper, cayenne pepper.)
Preheat oven to 275 degrees.
Cut the ends off of the onion, and remove the outer layer. Cut onion into 1/2-inch-wide slices, and separate into rings.
Using a blender or food processor, grind Fiber One to a bread-crumb like consistency. Pour Fiber One "breadcrumbs" into a small dish and mix in salt, and any optional spices you like.
Next, fill a small bowl (just large enough for onion rings to fit in) w/ egg substitute. One by one, coat each ring first in egg and then in the "breadcrumbs" (give each ring a shake after the egg bath).
Evenly place rings on a baking dish sprayed w/ nonstick spray. Cook for 20-25 minutes, flipping rings over about halfway through.
Makes 1 humongous serving
Notes: These were DELICIOUS! And this is coming from the girl who LOVES Sonic's onion rings. Who loves onion rings period. I didn't use all of the egg though, so I might just do a bit less than 1/4 cup next time. But then again, I didn't use the whole onion either, as I only had room for so many rings on the pan. :)
Weight Watcher's Points: 4
Per serving (entire recipe): 153 calories, 1g fat, 379mg sodium, 41g carbs, 16g fiber, 7g sugar, 9g protein
Friday, October 28, 2011
Visuals...
Before I started the journey-October 17, 2011
Where I'm at now-October 28, 2011 I can see slight differences...in the waist/tummy area, face...:) So glad He made me visual and that I found the program to help me set up the visual. Now just need to tape the print out on the cupboard for visual aid and help. :)
At my goal weight, estimated January 2013
Recipe: Perfect Pepperoni Pizzas
1 light English muffin (I used multi-grain sandwich thins by Orroweat (spelling?), which is 100 cal)
1/4 c shredded fat-free mozzarella cheese
8 pieces (abt 1/2 oz) turkey pepperoni (just found out 17 slices of these babies are only 70 calories!)
2 tbsp canned tomato sauce
Optional: salt, black pepper, oregano, garlic powder, onion powder, red pepper flakes, etc.
Preheat oven to 350 degrees.
Season tomato sauce, to taste, w/ any of the optional ingredients. Split English muffin in half and spread sauce on both halves.
Evenly sprinkle cheese over the 2 halves and then top w/ pepperoni. Place muffin halves on a baking pan sprayed lightly w/ nonstick spray and cook for 12-14 minutes.
Season as you would a regular slice of pie!
Makes 1 serving
Per serving (2 mini pizzas): 190 calories, 3g fat, 859mg sodium, 25g carbs, 6.5g fiber, 2g sugars, 20g protein
From: Hungry Girl: Recipes and Survival Strategies for Guilt-Free Eating in the Real World by Lisa Lillien
1/4 c shredded fat-free mozzarella cheese
8 pieces (abt 1/2 oz) turkey pepperoni (just found out 17 slices of these babies are only 70 calories!)
2 tbsp canned tomato sauce
Optional: salt, black pepper, oregano, garlic powder, onion powder, red pepper flakes, etc.
Preheat oven to 350 degrees.
Season tomato sauce, to taste, w/ any of the optional ingredients. Split English muffin in half and spread sauce on both halves.
Evenly sprinkle cheese over the 2 halves and then top w/ pepperoni. Place muffin halves on a baking pan sprayed lightly w/ nonstick spray and cook for 12-14 minutes.
Season as you would a regular slice of pie!
Makes 1 serving
Per serving (2 mini pizzas): 190 calories, 3g fat, 859mg sodium, 25g carbs, 6.5g fiber, 2g sugars, 20g protein
From: Hungry Girl: Recipes and Survival Strategies for Guilt-Free Eating in the Real World by Lisa Lillien
Thursday, October 27, 2011
Scream Session: Hanging it out there
Tonight, I had a scream session with God. It went something like this:
Me: AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!
God: .....
Me: sobbing and hitting the bed over and over again...AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
God: ...............
Me: IT'S NOT EVEN WORTH IT ANYMORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
God: ..........Let it all out now, honey.......
Me: I HATE THIS. I CAN'T STAND THIS. I'M SICK OF IT. I'M DONE. I WANT OUT! YOU SAID (which I will not state for the world), AND YET IT'S STILL THE SAME DAMN THING OVER AND OVER AGAIN?! WTF?????? (yes, people, I swear in moments of anger/rage...pretty sure He can take it...just needed to let it all out...and still working on it)
God: Anything else, my love?
Me: I feel sick. I want to throw up.
God: No.
Me: Why can't You just make this easy? Instead, I do everything I can to (will not state, again), and it seems that at every chance I finally (will not state), the world of s*** happens and opens up the floodgates for more s***.
God: Do you love Me?
Me: .........(looooooong pause here, due to anger and frustration)................. Yes. Sometimes I'd rather not. Sometimes I wonder if it would be easier if I had never known You in the first place. Sometimes, I wonder what would have happened if I never became a believer. But even in those moments, I know that I can't help but love You. Because I still feel You here. I KNOW You're here, even when it doesn't seem like it.
God: Then just love Me. When that's all you have the energy for, all I want from you is your love. That's it.
Me: But how am I ever going to (will not state)????????
And this is where this conversation stops. I know it's because in my heart, in my mind, I don't see a way. Mathematically speaking, there isn't. There really really isn't. Unless I win the lottery. Or an orchard of money trees suddenly appears in my bedroom. Mathematically, there is no way in this world that I can ever catch up to where I need to be, and not still be where I am today. Even if I were to increase in certain areas, in all actuality, it would still be the same. I've done the math of this this week. No matter what, it'd still be the same, but probably worse, as certain things would be taken away due to other certain things from the past.
So, tonight, I had a scream session. It's been awhile.
I put on music, blared it the loudest I could stand it, and just screamed and cried and sobbed and snotted.
Do I feel better? Not really, truth be told. I just feel tired. I just want to throw up. My chest hearts as if an anxiety attack is right around the corner. And all I can imagine myself doing is curling in a ball and rocking back and forth.
Truth be told, it hasn't been this bad in several months...
And as I type, in my mind I'm going, why in the world am I sharing all of this???
And then I hear the answer: Because so many times we as believers put on the happy face, the joyful face, the face that tells the world it's all good, nothing's wrong, yada yada yada yada yada. When in reality, we're screaming inside, we're hurting, we're questioning, we're doubting, we're having our moment(s) in the desert.
And I'm tired of always portraying that everything's hunky dory. Doesn't mean I want to word vomit everywhere, but I want people to realize that we ALL struggle, no matter how strong you think a person is, WE ALL STRUGGLE.
Which is probably why we are to pray for one another, to sing psalms and hymns to each other. Because we're not always going to be joyful. We don't always want to hear that perfect Christian answer (I know that right now, I'd like to beat anyone who would suggest a nice Christian answer.)
So in this writing, I hope I'm giving others hope...
That they're not the only ones who have scream sessions with God
They're not the only ones who have their desert moments
Who wonder what in heaven is going on
Who wonder where God is at times
They're not the only ones that just want to scream and sob and flail and throw/hit things
Does any of that make it better?
No, not really.
But I know that, in reality, even now, I feel that weight lifting.
Why?
Because I shed light into that dark place, that rage that most people don't get to see.
I'm letting go of the facade and being real.
I'm choosing to believe, though I don't see it, understand it, and yes, sometimes doubt it, that somehow, He will make a way. I don't know how. Short of absolute forgiveness of my debts, there is no way to ever catch up. But if I don't believe that He'll make a way, honestly, I know that I'll lose hope. And then I'll just quit. Because there's only so much that can be taken without short of a meltdown.
So, God, here's my meltdown. You saw it. You heard it.
And I don't know why You're having me share all of this...
But I hope that somewhere, this shows somebody that they're not alone amid crappy circumstances.
*sigh*
All I want, my Abba, is to be free. Free from debt, free from all the crappy onion layers that are yet to come...just free.
Yeah, not the usual peppy blog tonight.
Me: AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!
God: .....
Me: sobbing and hitting the bed over and over again...AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
God: ...............
Me: IT'S NOT EVEN WORTH IT ANYMORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
God: ..........Let it all out now, honey.......
Me: I HATE THIS. I CAN'T STAND THIS. I'M SICK OF IT. I'M DONE. I WANT OUT! YOU SAID (which I will not state for the world), AND YET IT'S STILL THE SAME DAMN THING OVER AND OVER AGAIN?! WTF?????? (yes, people, I swear in moments of anger/rage...pretty sure He can take it...just needed to let it all out...and still working on it)
God: Anything else, my love?
Me: I feel sick. I want to throw up.
God: No.
Me: Why can't You just make this easy? Instead, I do everything I can to (will not state, again), and it seems that at every chance I finally (will not state), the world of s*** happens and opens up the floodgates for more s***.
God: Do you love Me?
Me: .........(looooooong pause here, due to anger and frustration)................. Yes. Sometimes I'd rather not. Sometimes I wonder if it would be easier if I had never known You in the first place. Sometimes, I wonder what would have happened if I never became a believer. But even in those moments, I know that I can't help but love You. Because I still feel You here. I KNOW You're here, even when it doesn't seem like it.
God: Then just love Me. When that's all you have the energy for, all I want from you is your love. That's it.
Me: But how am I ever going to (will not state)????????
And this is where this conversation stops. I know it's because in my heart, in my mind, I don't see a way. Mathematically speaking, there isn't. There really really isn't. Unless I win the lottery. Or an orchard of money trees suddenly appears in my bedroom. Mathematically, there is no way in this world that I can ever catch up to where I need to be, and not still be where I am today. Even if I were to increase in certain areas, in all actuality, it would still be the same. I've done the math of this this week. No matter what, it'd still be the same, but probably worse, as certain things would be taken away due to other certain things from the past.
So, tonight, I had a scream session. It's been awhile.
I put on music, blared it the loudest I could stand it, and just screamed and cried and sobbed and snotted.
Do I feel better? Not really, truth be told. I just feel tired. I just want to throw up. My chest hearts as if an anxiety attack is right around the corner. And all I can imagine myself doing is curling in a ball and rocking back and forth.
Truth be told, it hasn't been this bad in several months...
And as I type, in my mind I'm going, why in the world am I sharing all of this???
And then I hear the answer: Because so many times we as believers put on the happy face, the joyful face, the face that tells the world it's all good, nothing's wrong, yada yada yada yada yada. When in reality, we're screaming inside, we're hurting, we're questioning, we're doubting, we're having our moment(s) in the desert.
And I'm tired of always portraying that everything's hunky dory. Doesn't mean I want to word vomit everywhere, but I want people to realize that we ALL struggle, no matter how strong you think a person is, WE ALL STRUGGLE.
Which is probably why we are to pray for one another, to sing psalms and hymns to each other. Because we're not always going to be joyful. We don't always want to hear that perfect Christian answer (I know that right now, I'd like to beat anyone who would suggest a nice Christian answer.)
So in this writing, I hope I'm giving others hope...
That they're not the only ones who have scream sessions with God
They're not the only ones who have their desert moments
Who wonder what in heaven is going on
Who wonder where God is at times
They're not the only ones that just want to scream and sob and flail and throw/hit things
Does any of that make it better?
No, not really.
But I know that, in reality, even now, I feel that weight lifting.
Why?
Because I shed light into that dark place, that rage that most people don't get to see.
I'm letting go of the facade and being real.
I'm choosing to believe, though I don't see it, understand it, and yes, sometimes doubt it, that somehow, He will make a way. I don't know how. Short of absolute forgiveness of my debts, there is no way to ever catch up. But if I don't believe that He'll make a way, honestly, I know that I'll lose hope. And then I'll just quit. Because there's only so much that can be taken without short of a meltdown.
So, God, here's my meltdown. You saw it. You heard it.
And I don't know why You're having me share all of this...
But I hope that somewhere, this shows somebody that they're not alone amid crappy circumstances.
*sigh*
All I want, my Abba, is to be free. Free from debt, free from all the crappy onion layers that are yet to come...just free.
Yeah, not the usual peppy blog tonight.
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
Recipe: Egg McMuggin'
1/2 slice light bread (used 1 whole slice of 10-grain bread)
1/2 cup fat-free liquid egg substitute
1 1/4 ounces (abt 3 slices) 97-98% fat-free ham, chopped
1 wedge The Laughing Cow Light Original Swiss cheese (I have fallen in love w/ the Laughing Cow)
1 tbsp shredded fat-free cheddar cheese
Toast bread, and then cut into cubes.
Spray a large microwave-safe mug lightly with nonstick spray. Add bread cubes, egg substitute, ham, and cheese wedge, breaking cheese into pieces as you add it. Mix gently. Microwave 1 minute.
Lightly stir, and then top w/ shredded cheese. Microwave for another 45-60 seconds, until scramble is just set. (I did the full 60)
Stir and enjoy!
Per serving (entire mug): 174 calories (add the extra calories in if you're going to put the whole slice of bread rather than the half slice), 3.25g fat, 1,081mg sodium (you can change this by choice of meat, just remember to stay w/in the 3 slices = 60 calories range), 9g carbs, 1g fiber (more depending on type of bread...I wonder how it would be like w/ ground flaxseed?), 2.5g sugars, 25g protein
Taken from: Hungry Girl 1-2-3: The Easiest, Most Delicious, Guilt-Free Recipes on the Planet, by Lisa Lillien
1/2 cup fat-free liquid egg substitute
1 1/4 ounces (abt 3 slices) 97-98% fat-free ham, chopped
1 wedge The Laughing Cow Light Original Swiss cheese (I have fallen in love w/ the Laughing Cow)
1 tbsp shredded fat-free cheddar cheese
Toast bread, and then cut into cubes.
Spray a large microwave-safe mug lightly with nonstick spray. Add bread cubes, egg substitute, ham, and cheese wedge, breaking cheese into pieces as you add it. Mix gently. Microwave 1 minute.
Lightly stir, and then top w/ shredded cheese. Microwave for another 45-60 seconds, until scramble is just set. (I did the full 60)
Stir and enjoy!
Per serving (entire mug): 174 calories (add the extra calories in if you're going to put the whole slice of bread rather than the half slice), 3.25g fat, 1,081mg sodium (you can change this by choice of meat, just remember to stay w/in the 3 slices = 60 calories range), 9g carbs, 1g fiber (more depending on type of bread...I wonder how it would be like w/ ground flaxseed?), 2.5g sugars, 25g protein
Taken from: Hungry Girl 1-2-3: The Easiest, Most Delicious, Guilt-Free Recipes on the Planet, by Lisa Lillien
Tuesday, October 25, 2011
Hope Now
Today was the first day that I have taken a day off for me. A personal day. Not 'cause I have to do something or go somewhere. But because I needed to take a day, to step back, to pray, to think, to worship, to listen. But also to celebrate. To slam my banner into the ground, declaring that this is a new season, a new beginning.
I went to go see Lisa Lillien at her book signing tonight. She's the lady who does Hungry Girl. I know, you're probably wondering why that's such a monumental thing for me.
Probably 'cause she was the first cookbook that made me REALLY start to think that there was a way to eat healthy...and like it.
Not only that, but I just absolutely LOVE her.
And add to that, as I was praying today, just really felt that it was time to lay a new foundation. A foundation of healthiness. I wanted to meet someone who was striving in this area, and doing well, and ENJOYING it. I think I've met very few people who really ENJOY every aspect of healthiness, and who really walk in it. (They talk AND walk, something I'm still struggling w/ when I wear flip flops.)
Anywho, it got me to thinking.
That, and the talk w/ Bethany last night.
How much do I value being healthy?
How much am I willing to change and forsake...all because I hear in His still, small voice, that it really is time to grow-up and make some changes in my life?
And the biggest one being in the health department.
(Oh, how I will mourn my chocolate binges.)
Anywho...
Just realizing that the journey of weight loss, of being, eating, feeling, acting, healthy...for me, is a direct link to the healing in my heart.
The more I struggle w/ the issue of weight, the more I realize that my heart is still struggling in the areas of forgiveness, bitterness, anger...and doubt.
And the one thing He has promised me: supernatural weight loss.
I actually was questioning Him on that one last night. Going, "Ummmmm....??!?!?!?!?!?!"
Probably because I had my doubting Thomas moment, that moment when I kinda look up and go, "well, good luck with that one, Jesus."
But I really and truly began to hear Him yesterday during my quiet time: that my weight loss journey is like an onion layer. Portions keep getting peeled back. The more peeling, the more tears that will come through. Why? Because I've allowed the weight to be on for a reason. To hide. I didn't want to be seen, to be known, to be touched....if at all possible, I would have chosen to be invisible. Why? So I'd never have to be hurt again. So I'd never have to be abused again. (yeah, I'm sharing my testimony here, and feeling a little faint at the fact) My whole thought process went something like this: if I'm fat and ugly, no one will see me. No man will see me. And therefore I can't be hurt. I'm no longer desirable. I'm no longer an object for someone's want or desire. So the one thing I can control in this crazy world is food, and what I eat, and because I feel that I have no control in any area, I'm CHOOSING to give up control in what I eat.
God, that took a lot for me to type. I think because some of this I'm still slowly discovering for myself, not just in head knowledge, but heart knowledge too.
So I just chose to let life slip past in some sense. And I had great moments of winning the small battles, but as soon as I hit a certain point where someone/others began to notice me, I immediately slid back into that same pattern of food intake.
So, publically, I'm going to share my goal, the one thing that I want to learn to overcome in this journey: that it's okay to look and feel beautiful. It's okay to be noticed...for the right things. I want to choose not to hide, but to, instead, allow the light of my Jesus to shine through me, in me, around me, and show others the beauty He's placed in me.
Is it going to be easy? No.
In fact, it will probably be the 2nd hardest thing I've done in my life.
But I believe that it's going to be well worth it.
I have to believe.
Because He's told me it's true.
I'm beautiful.
Now, what will you choose to believe?
Will you choose to believe the lies, that food will fill the void, will satisfy the hunger, the craving, that you have?
Or will you choose to believe that the only One who can satisfy, is the Lord Jesus? The One who loves you eternally, no matter what you've done, you're doing, or will do? No matter what you eat, what you look like, what you feel like....His love never goes away, never leaves you.
If you choose to believe...
then begin to walk the path of a holy temple.
A path of healthiness.
A path that leads to building up your body,
so you can run the race He has set before you.
And run it, not tired, exhausted, crabby, grumpy, pissy, bitter, or overweight (hey, I can say it 'cause I'm there right now).
But instead, run it feeling whole, healed, beautiful, loved and FREE from the sin of gluttony, control (witchcraft) and rebellion.
Submit EVERY aspect and area of food/exercise to Him, and watch what He'll do with it.
Will it be easy?
No.
Will it be worth it?
I have to believe that, in the end, it will ALL be worth it. :)
I went to go see Lisa Lillien at her book signing tonight. She's the lady who does Hungry Girl. I know, you're probably wondering why that's such a monumental thing for me.
Probably 'cause she was the first cookbook that made me REALLY start to think that there was a way to eat healthy...and like it.
Not only that, but I just absolutely LOVE her.
And add to that, as I was praying today, just really felt that it was time to lay a new foundation. A foundation of healthiness. I wanted to meet someone who was striving in this area, and doing well, and ENJOYING it. I think I've met very few people who really ENJOY every aspect of healthiness, and who really walk in it. (They talk AND walk, something I'm still struggling w/ when I wear flip flops.)
Anywho, it got me to thinking.
That, and the talk w/ Bethany last night.
How much do I value being healthy?
How much am I willing to change and forsake...all because I hear in His still, small voice, that it really is time to grow-up and make some changes in my life?
And the biggest one being in the health department.
(Oh, how I will mourn my chocolate binges.)
Anywho...
Just realizing that the journey of weight loss, of being, eating, feeling, acting, healthy...for me, is a direct link to the healing in my heart.
The more I struggle w/ the issue of weight, the more I realize that my heart is still struggling in the areas of forgiveness, bitterness, anger...and doubt.
And the one thing He has promised me: supernatural weight loss.
I actually was questioning Him on that one last night. Going, "Ummmmm....??!?!?!?!?!?!"
Probably because I had my doubting Thomas moment, that moment when I kinda look up and go, "well, good luck with that one, Jesus."
But I really and truly began to hear Him yesterday during my quiet time: that my weight loss journey is like an onion layer. Portions keep getting peeled back. The more peeling, the more tears that will come through. Why? Because I've allowed the weight to be on for a reason. To hide. I didn't want to be seen, to be known, to be touched....if at all possible, I would have chosen to be invisible. Why? So I'd never have to be hurt again. So I'd never have to be abused again. (yeah, I'm sharing my testimony here, and feeling a little faint at the fact) My whole thought process went something like this: if I'm fat and ugly, no one will see me. No man will see me. And therefore I can't be hurt. I'm no longer desirable. I'm no longer an object for someone's want or desire. So the one thing I can control in this crazy world is food, and what I eat, and because I feel that I have no control in any area, I'm CHOOSING to give up control in what I eat.
God, that took a lot for me to type. I think because some of this I'm still slowly discovering for myself, not just in head knowledge, but heart knowledge too.
So I just chose to let life slip past in some sense. And I had great moments of winning the small battles, but as soon as I hit a certain point where someone/others began to notice me, I immediately slid back into that same pattern of food intake.
So, publically, I'm going to share my goal, the one thing that I want to learn to overcome in this journey: that it's okay to look and feel beautiful. It's okay to be noticed...for the right things. I want to choose not to hide, but to, instead, allow the light of my Jesus to shine through me, in me, around me, and show others the beauty He's placed in me.
Is it going to be easy? No.
In fact, it will probably be the 2nd hardest thing I've done in my life.
But I believe that it's going to be well worth it.
I have to believe.
Because He's told me it's true.
I'm beautiful.
Now, what will you choose to believe?
Will you choose to believe the lies, that food will fill the void, will satisfy the hunger, the craving, that you have?
Or will you choose to believe that the only One who can satisfy, is the Lord Jesus? The One who loves you eternally, no matter what you've done, you're doing, or will do? No matter what you eat, what you look like, what you feel like....His love never goes away, never leaves you.
If you choose to believe...
then begin to walk the path of a holy temple.
A path of healthiness.
A path that leads to building up your body,
so you can run the race He has set before you.
And run it, not tired, exhausted, crabby, grumpy, pissy, bitter, or overweight (hey, I can say it 'cause I'm there right now).
But instead, run it feeling whole, healed, beautiful, loved and FREE from the sin of gluttony, control (witchcraft) and rebellion.
Submit EVERY aspect and area of food/exercise to Him, and watch what He'll do with it.
Will it be easy?
No.
Will it be worth it?
I have to believe that, in the end, it will ALL be worth it. :)
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
Recipe: Crustless Spinach Quiche
1 tblsp vegetable oil (I prefer EVOO)
1 onion, chopped
1 10-oz pkg frozen chopped spinach, thawed and drained, or 8 cups fresh spinach
5 eggs beaten (I used 10 to make it in a cake pan)
3 c. shredded cheese
1/4 tsp salt
1/8 tsp pepper
1. Preheat oven 350 degrees. Lightly grease 9" pie pan (or a regular rectangular size cake pan).
2. Heat oil in skillet over med-hi heat. Add onions and cook, til onions are soft. Stir in spinach and continue cooking til excess moisture evaporated. (add-on veggies go in the saute pan as well, I just tossed them in w/ the onions)
3. in a large bowl, combine eggs, cheese, salt and pepper. Add spinach mix and stir to blend. Scoop into pie pan.
4. Bake til eggs set, abt 30 min. Let cool 10 minutes before serving.
Makes 6 servings in pie pan, 309 cal/serving
add-on: chopped scallions, top w/ tomato slices, minced garlic, diced ham, only 2 c. cheese, fresh basil/dill, green peppers
note: greased muffin tins can be used. 2 of these = under 100 calories. (2 pts weight watchers) if use low fat feta and egg beaters substitute.
1 onion, chopped
1 10-oz pkg frozen chopped spinach, thawed and drained, or 8 cups fresh spinach
5 eggs beaten (I used 10 to make it in a cake pan)
3 c. shredded cheese
1/4 tsp salt
1/8 tsp pepper
1. Preheat oven 350 degrees. Lightly grease 9" pie pan (or a regular rectangular size cake pan).
2. Heat oil in skillet over med-hi heat. Add onions and cook, til onions are soft. Stir in spinach and continue cooking til excess moisture evaporated. (add-on veggies go in the saute pan as well, I just tossed them in w/ the onions)
3. in a large bowl, combine eggs, cheese, salt and pepper. Add spinach mix and stir to blend. Scoop into pie pan.
4. Bake til eggs set, abt 30 min. Let cool 10 minutes before serving.
Makes 6 servings in pie pan, 309 cal/serving
add-on: chopped scallions, top w/ tomato slices, minced garlic, diced ham, only 2 c. cheese, fresh basil/dill, green peppers
note: greased muffin tins can be used. 2 of these = under 100 calories. (2 pts weight watchers) if use low fat feta and egg beaters substitute.
Monday, October 17, 2011
Recipe: Pasta with Sun-Dried Tomatoes
2 tbsp. (or more) olive oil
2 garlic cloves, minced
1 tsp. basil
2 tbsp. diced sun-dried tomatoes (if dry, reconstitute)
1/4 c. chopped yellow onion
Freshly ground pepper
Pasta, freshly cooked (linguine, angel hair, etc.)
2 garlic cloves, minced
1 tsp. basil
2 tbsp. diced sun-dried tomatoes (if dry, reconstitute)
1/4 c. chopped yellow onion
Freshly ground pepper
Pasta, freshly cooked (linguine, angel hair, etc.)
Heat oil in saucepan, add onion and saute until translucent. Add garlic, basil, tomato. Add more olive oil, if desired. Add pepper. Toss with cooked pasta. Salt to taste.
NOTE: Here's where I differed from this basic recipe. I sauted the onions, garlic, basil and tomato, then added the spinach (1-2 cups) on med-lo heat. I did a quick toss, then covered the pan for 1 minute. After the minute, stirred the mix, and re-covered for another minute. After that, added the pasta directly into the pan, drizzled a quick coating of EVOO, then did yet another toss (MINUS the heat) and served. :) At this point, you could also add chili pepper flakes to your taste. :) Enjoy!! (oh, and I put WAY more garlic than that and added Italian Seasoning while sauting the veggies)
Depending on your type of Daniel Fast, if needed, take out the pasta and add abt 1 lb of spinach to your mix with another garlic clove or 2. And of course, increase your veggie amount. :)
Recipe: Strawberry Oatmeal Smoothie
1 c. unsweetened soy milk (I prefer almond milk)
1/2 cup rolled oats
1 banana, broken into chunks
14 strawberries, fresh or frozen
1/2 tsp pure vanilla
-2 tblsp apple/pineapple juice (this can be left out as well depending on preference)
1. In blender, combine milk, oats, banana, strawberries.
2. Add vanilla and enough juice for desired consistency; blend until smooth. (I use ice instead of juice.)
3. Pour into glasses and serve cold.
(Makes 2 servings)
1/2 cup rolled oats
1 banana, broken into chunks
14 strawberries, fresh or frozen
1/2 tsp pure vanilla
-2 tblsp apple/pineapple juice (this can be left out as well depending on preference)
1. In blender, combine milk, oats, banana, strawberries.
2. Add vanilla and enough juice for desired consistency; blend until smooth. (I use ice instead of juice.)
3. Pour into glasses and serve cold.
(Makes 2 servings)
Getting back up
Ha! I love my title. :) (Just thought I'd mention that, especially seeing as how that's exactly what I'll be talking about tonight here in my random musings.)
Getting back up on the word that has now been given to me FOUR times. That's right. 4.
Last night at Spirit and Life, God began to give back the joy that I had allowed the enemy to take. Through various trials, stress, etc. An older couple in the church (who I was sitting behind) named Tony and Elaine seriously poured into me for 40 minutes. Talk about a prophetic word!!! And so what I needed to hear! (Mind you, I had just met them that night.)
Anywho, one of their words was that they could see me even more beautiful and healthy than what I was; they could see me minus the weight. AKA supernatural weight loss.
I heard this, and my heart just soared. Why? Because I had chosen to give up.
This whole weight thing...I hate it. I hate having to deal with it. I hate having to battle it. I just plain hate having to even try to take it off. And when it gets too difficult, or I get too lazy, I just up and quit. Yeah, not so much the determined person now. (Yes, I admitted that online!)
So, today, I was talking with the Lord (aka prayer) and just began to tell Him all the frustrations that go along w/ this whole weight loss thing. The time to invest, the money, the issues, the upside, the downside, the insecurities...everything. (okay, let me back track...while talking w/ Tony & Elaine, I admitted to them something that I had never told anyone about in why I struggle and sabatoge myself when I do lose weight) Everything was brought out into the light when I prayed.
And then, I realized that with the word given last night, it was a reminder from Him to me that I needed to get back up again. That He wouldn't let me forget the words given, but instead, He wanted to begin to show me the way to the mountain top. It's time to get out of the valley.
So, with that being said...
I started looking up all of the old stuff He had given me awhile back, going back to YEARS of things.
Recipes
exercise routines
dieting (aka eating) does and don'ts
and the plan He had given me to succeed
I dusted it off and picked it back up, CHOOSING to get back up again
Admittedly, even now, I gulp and go, "uh, wouldn't it just be easier if I, like, didn't do it?" and "um, well, You're God...couldn't You just miraculously take the weight off?" To which I see/hear Him shake His head in amusement at me, reminding me that this is a journey that I WILL be taking, and I choose when I get off the mountain to go into the promised land. I choose when I get out of the desert to go into the land of milk and honey.
So, once again, I am choosing to get back up.
Several things come to mind at what I want in this journey:
1. people to encourage and support me, whether it be through prayer, through working out with me, or even through sending me workouts
2. to not be noticed during this season (this one is a hard one to explain, but I'm gonna try). I'd rather hear a, "I'm proud that you're getting back up" or a "I'm proud! Keep on going girl!" rather than a, "I've noticed you've lost weight." or "You're looking good" or, well, you get the picture. I think it's because in the first part, I hear support and encouragement, and I'm reminded to give Him all the glory. Whereas in my head (notice IN MY HEAD part) when I hear the 2nd part, all I keep hearing is a focus on the weight issue, a focus on all the crap (does that make any sense). So, it's much easier for cheerleaders than noticers (am I making any sense on this one?!?!).
3. prayer partners--in the times when I just want to give up and quit, to fight the demons in my head regarding weight and the seemingly large obstacles, I want people to call to remind me not to give up the fight and to keep on battling
4. healthy recipes that I'm willing to try that are inexpensive yet absolutely, utterly delicious (which He and I are working on in regards to all my old stuff)
So, yeah.
I know, random musings tonight (well, sorta).
But that's what's been on my mind. :)
Getting back up on the word that has now been given to me FOUR times. That's right. 4.
Last night at Spirit and Life, God began to give back the joy that I had allowed the enemy to take. Through various trials, stress, etc. An older couple in the church (who I was sitting behind) named Tony and Elaine seriously poured into me for 40 minutes. Talk about a prophetic word!!! And so what I needed to hear! (Mind you, I had just met them that night.)
Anywho, one of their words was that they could see me even more beautiful and healthy than what I was; they could see me minus the weight. AKA supernatural weight loss.
I heard this, and my heart just soared. Why? Because I had chosen to give up.
This whole weight thing...I hate it. I hate having to deal with it. I hate having to battle it. I just plain hate having to even try to take it off. And when it gets too difficult, or I get too lazy, I just up and quit. Yeah, not so much the determined person now. (Yes, I admitted that online!)
So, today, I was talking with the Lord (aka prayer) and just began to tell Him all the frustrations that go along w/ this whole weight loss thing. The time to invest, the money, the issues, the upside, the downside, the insecurities...everything. (okay, let me back track...while talking w/ Tony & Elaine, I admitted to them something that I had never told anyone about in why I struggle and sabatoge myself when I do lose weight) Everything was brought out into the light when I prayed.
And then, I realized that with the word given last night, it was a reminder from Him to me that I needed to get back up again. That He wouldn't let me forget the words given, but instead, He wanted to begin to show me the way to the mountain top. It's time to get out of the valley.
So, with that being said...
I started looking up all of the old stuff He had given me awhile back, going back to YEARS of things.
Recipes
exercise routines
dieting (aka eating) does and don'ts
and the plan He had given me to succeed
I dusted it off and picked it back up, CHOOSING to get back up again
Admittedly, even now, I gulp and go, "uh, wouldn't it just be easier if I, like, didn't do it?" and "um, well, You're God...couldn't You just miraculously take the weight off?" To which I see/hear Him shake His head in amusement at me, reminding me that this is a journey that I WILL be taking, and I choose when I get off the mountain to go into the promised land. I choose when I get out of the desert to go into the land of milk and honey.
So, once again, I am choosing to get back up.
Several things come to mind at what I want in this journey:
1. people to encourage and support me, whether it be through prayer, through working out with me, or even through sending me workouts
2. to not be noticed during this season (this one is a hard one to explain, but I'm gonna try). I'd rather hear a, "I'm proud that you're getting back up" or a "I'm proud! Keep on going girl!" rather than a, "I've noticed you've lost weight." or "You're looking good" or, well, you get the picture. I think it's because in the first part, I hear support and encouragement, and I'm reminded to give Him all the glory. Whereas in my head (notice IN MY HEAD part) when I hear the 2nd part, all I keep hearing is a focus on the weight issue, a focus on all the crap (does that make any sense). So, it's much easier for cheerleaders than noticers (am I making any sense on this one?!?!).
3. prayer partners--in the times when I just want to give up and quit, to fight the demons in my head regarding weight and the seemingly large obstacles, I want people to call to remind me not to give up the fight and to keep on battling
4. healthy recipes that I'm willing to try that are inexpensive yet absolutely, utterly delicious (which He and I are working on in regards to all my old stuff)
So, yeah.
I know, random musings tonight (well, sorta).
But that's what's been on my mind. :)
Friday, October 7, 2011
The meaning of rest as defined by house-sitting and other things. :)
Ha! The title cracked me up for a minute there. :)
Today was the official start-date for the house-sitting job I have over the weekend. It happens to be at a place I absolute love and adore, with 4 of the coolest dogs I've met (probably 'cause they crack me up with their antics...and they're weiner dogs...always makes me laugh). Did I mention that there's a pool here? :) Which is how this blog came to be, well, sort of. :)
Mostly started last weekend at the retreat for Fuel. It was an amazing place to stay, where we were at...filled w/ cubbie holes, crawl spaces, a fireman's pole you can slide down from, plus chocolates on our pillow as well as packs of gum. And did I mention the what seems like gazillion books scattered throughout the place. PLUS a working jukebox, foozeball table, air hockey table...yeah, this place was amazing...and I loved it there.
But I realized that last weekend was only partial rest. Pretty much my fault on that one. I got so caught in trying to make sure everything was done BEFORE leaving, that when I finally got there, I pretty much just crashed out. Now, don't get me wrong here...it was excellent and amazing and MUCH needed. I just forgot how to sit for a moment without moving. haha
Which brings us to this passing week. It's been hectic and busy. Filled w/ drama, things going on at work, more drama, parental conversations, good compliments, constructive criticism, late nights working, with even later nights working from home, to early mornings at the office, to, well, you get the picture. I've never drank as much caffeine in 1 month as I did this week. My poor body lived off caffeine...and will continue to do so until tomorrow after ER day...But anywho...
This whole week has been filled w/ craziness. No rest, no relaxation. Pretty much, work, come home, eat the one meal (maybe 2 if I remembered to eat breakfast...which consisted of the leftover casserole I had from this weekend to maximize time and not cook), sleep, get up, work, come home, eat, repeat cycle... With bouts of tears thrown in just at how hectic and busy and stressful it's been having to deal w/ certain...uh..."situations" thrown my way.
So, when I get the text asking me to housesit at one of my favorite places, I was like YES PRAISE THE BABY JESUS! (haha Always reminds me of Rita for some reason...)
And tonight, I was all ready to snuggle in bed a bit early, so excited at the thought of relaxing, that in my excitedness to relax, I couldn't even fall asleep! (I know, sad, right?!)
So, decided to head for a "midnight swim" so to speak (yeah, I know it's not midnigt, but that's okay!). With my cup of pumpkin spice coffee (oh, how I love this family!! :)...they have a Keurig machine w/ pumpkin spice coffee cups...can we say, FREE coffee that's my favorite drink!?!). And, in the cold water, I just floated in the pool, looking at the clouds moving, the stars twinkling, talking to the giant dog named Cocoa, who I love and adore and could hug and squeeze and...well, you get the picture. Talk about gentle giant of a dog! haha
Anywho, I was just floating along, praying, talking to God...when He reminded me that even I, yes, IIIIII (stretch this out in a long sort of voice), need rest. I'm known at work as the one who's willing to do what it takes to get the job done, who puts in those extra hours for the kids, who goes above and beyond. Not only that, but just...well...yeah.
So, listening to Him, He reminded me of my desire during the retreat...which was to not just be a vessel of His love, but to rest in Him, knowing that every time I look up at that night sky, I just laugh with joy at what my Abba has created for me. :) The beauty around me, just...well...WOWZERS.
So, I floated along, and this happiness began to bubble up in me. I even started talking to the dog (yes, I know...Jesus loves me. :) ).
Which is when I realized what He wanted me to learn all along this summer, the summer where I was told to rest...
I feel safest when I rest.
In His arms, in a pool, in a chair...
When I'm at rest, no matter how hectic my day is, no matter what's been going on in life,
When I take the time to rest, I feel SAFE.
Nothing can harm me
Nothing can come against me (though it may try)
But feeling that perfect peace which comes from Him.
Now, some of you may think that's silly,
But I am starting to realize just how important rest is.
Even resting from all the "religious" things we do...
reading praying journaling meditating
I know...some of you are probably gasping right now at the last 2 sentences there
But hold on, let me finish!
Resting from those things...
meaning, taking the time to put those aside,
And just basking in Him
Listening to Him
singing to Him off key in the dark where no one can here you but the dog...and the howling cat next door
Setting aside my agenda of reading a good book by Dutch Sheets,
or setting aside the journal that reminds me to pray,
or setting asie the phone w/ the portable Bible on it...
And just sitting down somewhere,
quietting the mind,
and CHOOSING to listen to Him
with my giant cup of Pumpkin Spice coffee
and my ears turned to heaven
the dog lying across my legs
and the phone on some pretty cool jammin' worship
All that to say...
Remember that you were once slaves in Egypt, but the Lord your God brought you out with his strong hand and powerful arm. That is why the Lord your God has commanded you to rest on the Sabbath day.
Deut 5:15
And the Lord gave them rest on every side, just as he had solemnly promised their ancestors. None of their enemies could stand against them, for the Lord helped them conquer all their enemies.
Josh 21:44
This is what the Sovereign Lord, the Holy One of Israel, says: “Only in returning to me and resting in me will you be saved. In quietness and confidence is your strength.
Isaiah 30:15
Blessed are those who honor my Sabbath days of rest and keep themselves from doing wrong.
Isaiah 56:2
For I have given rest to the weary and joy to the sorrowing.”
Jeremiah 31:25
All who found them devoured them. Their enemies said, ‘We did nothing wrong in attacking them, for they sinned against the Lord, their true place of rest, and the hope of their ancestors.’
Jeremiah 50:7 (The Lord is our TRUE place of rest...nothing else will satisfy us as a long soak with the Lord)
Then Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest.
Matthew 11:28
King David said this about him:
‘I see that the Lord is always with me.
I will not be shaken, for he is right beside me.
26 No wonder my heart is glad,
and my tongue shouts his praises!
My body rests in hope.
Acts 2:25-26
Hebrews 3:19
So we see that because of their unbelief they were not able to enter his rest.
[ Promised Rest for God’s People ] God’s promise of entering his rest still stands, so we ought to tremble with fear that some of you might fail to experience it.
For this good news—that God has prepared this rest—has been announced to us just as it was to them. But it did them no good because they didn’t share the faith of those who listened to God.
For only we who believe can enter his rest. As for the others, God said, “In my anger I took an oath: ‘They will never enter my place of rest,’” even though this rest has been ready since he made the world.
We know it is ready because of the place in the Scriptures where it mentions the seventh day: “On the seventh day God rested from all his work.”
But in the other passage God said, “They will never enter my place of rest.”
So God’s rest is there for people to enter, but those who first heard this good news failed to enter because they disobeyed God.
So God set another time for entering his rest, and that time is today. God announced this through David much later in the words already quoted: “Today when you hear his voice, don’t harden your hearts.”
Now if Joshua had succeeded in giving them this rest, God would not have spoken about another day of rest still to come.
So there is a special rest still waiting for the people of God.
For all who have entered into God’s rest have rested from their labors, just as God did after creating the world.
So let us do our best to enter that rest. But if we disobey God, as the people of Israel did, we will fall.
Hebrews 4:1-11
So, take your favorite cup of coffee, plop yourself on a chair outside, enjoy the cool breeze, and rest. :)
Today was the official start-date for the house-sitting job I have over the weekend. It happens to be at a place I absolute love and adore, with 4 of the coolest dogs I've met (probably 'cause they crack me up with their antics...and they're weiner dogs...always makes me laugh). Did I mention that there's a pool here? :) Which is how this blog came to be, well, sort of. :)
Mostly started last weekend at the retreat for Fuel. It was an amazing place to stay, where we were at...filled w/ cubbie holes, crawl spaces, a fireman's pole you can slide down from, plus chocolates on our pillow as well as packs of gum. And did I mention the what seems like gazillion books scattered throughout the place. PLUS a working jukebox, foozeball table, air hockey table...yeah, this place was amazing...and I loved it there.
But I realized that last weekend was only partial rest. Pretty much my fault on that one. I got so caught in trying to make sure everything was done BEFORE leaving, that when I finally got there, I pretty much just crashed out. Now, don't get me wrong here...it was excellent and amazing and MUCH needed. I just forgot how to sit for a moment without moving. haha
Which brings us to this passing week. It's been hectic and busy. Filled w/ drama, things going on at work, more drama, parental conversations, good compliments, constructive criticism, late nights working, with even later nights working from home, to early mornings at the office, to, well, you get the picture. I've never drank as much caffeine in 1 month as I did this week. My poor body lived off caffeine...and will continue to do so until tomorrow after ER day...But anywho...
This whole week has been filled w/ craziness. No rest, no relaxation. Pretty much, work, come home, eat the one meal (maybe 2 if I remembered to eat breakfast...which consisted of the leftover casserole I had from this weekend to maximize time and not cook), sleep, get up, work, come home, eat, repeat cycle... With bouts of tears thrown in just at how hectic and busy and stressful it's been having to deal w/ certain...uh..."situations" thrown my way.
So, when I get the text asking me to housesit at one of my favorite places, I was like YES PRAISE THE BABY JESUS! (haha Always reminds me of Rita for some reason...)
And tonight, I was all ready to snuggle in bed a bit early, so excited at the thought of relaxing, that in my excitedness to relax, I couldn't even fall asleep! (I know, sad, right?!)
So, decided to head for a "midnight swim" so to speak (yeah, I know it's not midnigt, but that's okay!). With my cup of pumpkin spice coffee (oh, how I love this family!! :)...they have a Keurig machine w/ pumpkin spice coffee cups...can we say, FREE coffee that's my favorite drink!?!). And, in the cold water, I just floated in the pool, looking at the clouds moving, the stars twinkling, talking to the giant dog named Cocoa, who I love and adore and could hug and squeeze and...well, you get the picture. Talk about gentle giant of a dog! haha
Anywho, I was just floating along, praying, talking to God...when He reminded me that even I, yes, IIIIII (stretch this out in a long sort of voice), need rest. I'm known at work as the one who's willing to do what it takes to get the job done, who puts in those extra hours for the kids, who goes above and beyond. Not only that, but just...well...yeah.
So, listening to Him, He reminded me of my desire during the retreat...which was to not just be a vessel of His love, but to rest in Him, knowing that every time I look up at that night sky, I just laugh with joy at what my Abba has created for me. :) The beauty around me, just...well...WOWZERS.
So, I floated along, and this happiness began to bubble up in me. I even started talking to the dog (yes, I know...Jesus loves me. :) ).
Which is when I realized what He wanted me to learn all along this summer, the summer where I was told to rest...
I feel safest when I rest.
In His arms, in a pool, in a chair...
When I'm at rest, no matter how hectic my day is, no matter what's been going on in life,
When I take the time to rest, I feel SAFE.
Nothing can harm me
Nothing can come against me (though it may try)
But feeling that perfect peace which comes from Him.
Now, some of you may think that's silly,
But I am starting to realize just how important rest is.
Even resting from all the "religious" things we do...
reading praying journaling meditating
I know...some of you are probably gasping right now at the last 2 sentences there
But hold on, let me finish!
Resting from those things...
meaning, taking the time to put those aside,
And just basking in Him
Listening to Him
singing to Him off key in the dark where no one can here you but the dog...and the howling cat next door
Setting aside my agenda of reading a good book by Dutch Sheets,
or setting aside the journal that reminds me to pray,
or setting asie the phone w/ the portable Bible on it...
And just sitting down somewhere,
quietting the mind,
and CHOOSING to listen to Him
with my giant cup of Pumpkin Spice coffee
and my ears turned to heaven
the dog lying across my legs
and the phone on some pretty cool jammin' worship
All that to say...
Remember that you were once slaves in Egypt, but the Lord your God brought you out with his strong hand and powerful arm. That is why the Lord your God has commanded you to rest on the Sabbath day.
Deut 5:15
And the Lord gave them rest on every side, just as he had solemnly promised their ancestors. None of their enemies could stand against them, for the Lord helped them conquer all their enemies.
Josh 21:44
This is what the Sovereign Lord, the Holy One of Israel, says: “Only in returning to me and resting in me will you be saved. In quietness and confidence is your strength.
Isaiah 30:15
Blessed are those who honor my Sabbath days of rest and keep themselves from doing wrong.
Isaiah 56:2
For I have given rest to the weary and joy to the sorrowing.”
Jeremiah 31:25
All who found them devoured them. Their enemies said, ‘We did nothing wrong in attacking them, for they sinned against the Lord, their true place of rest, and the hope of their ancestors.’
Jeremiah 50:7 (The Lord is our TRUE place of rest...nothing else will satisfy us as a long soak with the Lord)
Then Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest.
Matthew 11:28
King David said this about him:
‘I see that the Lord is always with me.
I will not be shaken, for he is right beside me.
26 No wonder my heart is glad,
and my tongue shouts his praises!
My body rests in hope.
Acts 2:25-26
Hebrews 3:19
So we see that because of their unbelief they were not able to enter his rest.
[ Promised Rest for God’s People ] God’s promise of entering his rest still stands, so we ought to tremble with fear that some of you might fail to experience it.
For this good news—that God has prepared this rest—has been announced to us just as it was to them. But it did them no good because they didn’t share the faith of those who listened to God.
For only we who believe can enter his rest. As for the others, God said, “In my anger I took an oath: ‘They will never enter my place of rest,’” even though this rest has been ready since he made the world.
We know it is ready because of the place in the Scriptures where it mentions the seventh day: “On the seventh day God rested from all his work.”
But in the other passage God said, “They will never enter my place of rest.”
So God’s rest is there for people to enter, but those who first heard this good news failed to enter because they disobeyed God.
So God set another time for entering his rest, and that time is today. God announced this through David much later in the words already quoted: “Today when you hear his voice, don’t harden your hearts.”
Now if Joshua had succeeded in giving them this rest, God would not have spoken about another day of rest still to come.
So there is a special rest still waiting for the people of God.
For all who have entered into God’s rest have rested from their labors, just as God did after creating the world.
So let us do our best to enter that rest. But if we disobey God, as the people of Israel did, we will fall.
Hebrews 4:1-11
So, take your favorite cup of coffee, plop yourself on a chair outside, enjoy the cool breeze, and rest. :)
Tuesday, October 4, 2011
Beautiful
I know. This song has been on K-Love for awhile now. And I can't help it...I've fallen in love with it. I think it's because every time I hear it, I start tearing up and crying, just listening to my Abba's heart and His love.
Wow. I was thinking about today, and just these past few weeks. And how hectically busy they've been. With so much to do, so much to get done, and so much yet to be completed, on occasion, I've just sat down and cried. Just...sat and cried. That overwhelming feeling where there's so much pressure and it's not going away...
And at those times, I'm reminded how He has made me beautiful, is making me beautiful, out of the simple dust. The dust of my past, my present and my future.
Not only that, but how, every time my heart tries to get overwhelmed, I stop and listen to the heartbeat of, "I love Jesus", that my heart pitter-patters to the sound of.
Realizing that no matter how busy I may get, my love for Him never changes.
And how, at times like these, in the night season, up working late, getting things done, taking a breather from the work...
I'm reminded how much He loves me. And my heart just turns mushy inside.
"You make beautiful things out of us"
Make me new, Jesus
Transform my heart
Thank You for making this beautiful thing out of the dust
And now, even despite the busyness, the frustration,
I look, and I see His amazing beauty.
I see Him all around me.
And my heart grows lighter.
I start laughing.
I receive His joy and grace
And above all else, I'm reminded that He loves ME.
So, this weekend, when I COULD have been spending working, getting stuff needed...
I went on a retreat,
and rested.
And rested in Him.
And rested in the truth of His love for me.
And knew that there was so much more He wanted to give.
All of this to say...
that I understand how busy life can be, how insane it can all get, and how hectic it can become
feeling like you're being battered and tossed
thrown aside by winds and waves
And I'm here to tell you...
don't give up
He's making you beautiful
He's taking the dust, the things that you so desperately are asking Him WHY?,
and making those things beautiful
For His glory
For His cause
Knowing that He loves you beyond measure
Beyond what you can think or imagine
My God is bigger than all of that
And at those times...
when you want to cry
to give in
to get so frustrated you quit
you give up
you stand in hatred, bitterness, anger and forgiveness
Just remember...
He makes beautiful things out of the dust
He makes you beautiful
He can turn your bitterness, anger, hatred, rage and unforgiveness
Into a flower that blooms
It blooms with...
love
peace
forgiveness
joy
gentleness
repentance
love
He's making you new.
He's making me new.
So, with that being said...
I'm praying for you
Whoever you are
I know you want to give up
But I say
Don't quit
Don't stop
Keep going
Keep standing
Even when all you want
Is to crawl along
Take my hand
Take His hand
And just know...
I'm praying for you
I'm believing for you
I'm standing for you
I have faith in you
Even when you don't have faith in yourself
Why, you ask?
Because I love you with His love
I see Jesus in you
And I call you by name
Beloved
Beautiful
Healed
Whole
Wise
Forgiven
Clean
Unashamed
Daughter
Son
I call you free
By the blood of the Lamb
and the Word of His/Your testimony
You
are
beautiful
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[verse 1:]
All this pain..
I wonder if I'll ever find my way.
I wonder if my life could really change, at all.
All this earth..
Could all that is lost ever be found?
Could a garden come up from this ground, at all?
[chorus:]
You make beautiful things,
You make beautiful things out of dust.
You make beautiful things,
You make beautiful things out of us.
[verse 2:]
All around,
Hope is springin up from this old ground.
Out of chaos, life is being found in You.
[chorus:] 2x
[bridge:]
You make me new,
You are making me new.
You make me new,
You are making me new. (making me new.)
[bridge & chorus together]3x
[chorus]
[bridge]2x
Wow. I was thinking about today, and just these past few weeks. And how hectically busy they've been. With so much to do, so much to get done, and so much yet to be completed, on occasion, I've just sat down and cried. Just...sat and cried. That overwhelming feeling where there's so much pressure and it's not going away...
And at those times, I'm reminded how He has made me beautiful, is making me beautiful, out of the simple dust. The dust of my past, my present and my future.
Not only that, but how, every time my heart tries to get overwhelmed, I stop and listen to the heartbeat of, "I love Jesus", that my heart pitter-patters to the sound of.
Realizing that no matter how busy I may get, my love for Him never changes.
And how, at times like these, in the night season, up working late, getting things done, taking a breather from the work...
I'm reminded how much He loves me. And my heart just turns mushy inside.
"You make beautiful things out of us"
Make me new, Jesus
Transform my heart
Thank You for making this beautiful thing out of the dust
And now, even despite the busyness, the frustration,
I look, and I see His amazing beauty.
I see Him all around me.
And my heart grows lighter.
I start laughing.
I receive His joy and grace
And above all else, I'm reminded that He loves ME.
So, this weekend, when I COULD have been spending working, getting stuff needed...
I went on a retreat,
and rested.
And rested in Him.
And rested in the truth of His love for me.
And knew that there was so much more He wanted to give.
All of this to say...
that I understand how busy life can be, how insane it can all get, and how hectic it can become
feeling like you're being battered and tossed
thrown aside by winds and waves
And I'm here to tell you...
don't give up
He's making you beautiful
He's taking the dust, the things that you so desperately are asking Him WHY?,
and making those things beautiful
For His glory
For His cause
Knowing that He loves you beyond measure
Beyond what you can think or imagine
My God is bigger than all of that
And at those times...
when you want to cry
to give in
to get so frustrated you quit
you give up
you stand in hatred, bitterness, anger and forgiveness
Just remember...
He makes beautiful things out of the dust
He makes you beautiful
He can turn your bitterness, anger, hatred, rage and unforgiveness
Into a flower that blooms
It blooms with...
love
peace
forgiveness
joy
gentleness
repentance
love
He's making you new.
He's making me new.
So, with that being said...
I'm praying for you
Whoever you are
I know you want to give up
But I say
Don't quit
Don't stop
Keep going
Keep standing
Even when all you want
Is to crawl along
Take my hand
Take His hand
And just know...
I'm praying for you
I'm believing for you
I'm standing for you
I have faith in you
Even when you don't have faith in yourself
Why, you ask?
Because I love you with His love
I see Jesus in you
And I call you by name
Beloved
Beautiful
Healed
Whole
Wise
Forgiven
Clean
Unashamed
Daughter
Son
I call you free
By the blood of the Lamb
and the Word of His/Your testimony
You
are
beautiful
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[verse 1:]
All this pain..
I wonder if I'll ever find my way.
I wonder if my life could really change, at all.
All this earth..
Could all that is lost ever be found?
Could a garden come up from this ground, at all?
[chorus:]
You make beautiful things,
You make beautiful things out of dust.
You make beautiful things,
You make beautiful things out of us.
[verse 2:]
All around,
Hope is springin up from this old ground.
Out of chaos, life is being found in You.
[chorus:] 2x
[bridge:]
You make me new,
You are making me new.
You make me new,
You are making me new. (making me new.)
[bridge & chorus together]3x
[chorus]
[bridge]2x
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