Today I pushed myself to get up, get out and move. I don't regret it.
But I will say, I had some seriously hilarious moments today that were linked to something that happened on Friday.
You see, what had happened was...(in honor of the bestie, had to use that one! haha)
Was heading into Wal-Mart to pick up some supplies for my classes, and this guy is walking towards us. There's this other lady coming up behind me in the parking lot, and I kinda notice he's checking one of us out. (My thought process immediately goes to the other lady, though I hadn't seen her yet. Still working on that image thing!) So, I keep walking, thinking nothing of it, when the lady catches up with me, the man passes by, and 5 seconds later she busts out with, "Ohh girl he was checking you out!! He turned back around!!" I about died laughing. At the Wal-Mart parking lot. Anywho, I just dismissed it, texted my bestie, and laughed about it some more as I continued my day.
And then it so happened again today. At the gym. The one place I wouldn't think to be checked out, 'cause, well, I'm the "fat girl", and all these beautiful skinny gals are surrounding me at the treadmills. (Now don't yell at me for that one...)
The guy in front and to the right of me keeps turning around and looking at me as I'm doing my cardio stuff. Finally, he leaves just as I start my intervals. Well, 20 minutes later, HE'S RIGHT BEHIND ME, hanging on and just looking my way. When he realizes I've noticed, he looks away and kinda sneaks off somewhere...
I could've been seriously creeped out by this (okay, I admit, I kinda was). I could've had a "moment" (due to the past), but I didn't. Instead, I just smiled and laughed inside. And kept on going with my workout. :)
For me, that's a victory. I should probably explain why. One of the reasons...the biggest reason...why I've put on so much weight has been as a protection. To my old way of thinking, if I am fat and big and ugly, no man would ever look at me, thus no man would ever sexually abuse me ever again. And the biggest trigger to going back to old, unhealthy habits is when guys, any guy, starts noticing me. The nightmares come back, the food binges come back, and overall I'm right back where I used to be. Tonight, I shrugged it off, told myself, "Man, I'm looking good tonight! Let's do this and keep on going!! Let's push it!" and without a backward thought (except to laugh and move on) I kept on going and didn't let it affect me.
That, that right there, is a victory in some serious heart healing. :) And a great mental victory as well! Woohoo!!
Looking forward to continuing this journey... :)
