Day Five and Six...Fun Times; Reflection

I know...you were probably expecting me to write something really long.  But I'm tired, and have to get up super early tomorrow.  Night world.  I'll type you out tomorrow. :)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Yesterday was GREAT fun!  It was an overall good day at work.  Played a new game with my 5th graders, which the 3 3rd graders in my class yesterday beat them all (it was a vocab game called Blurt! lol).  Went to FireStarters where Marc Treiber preached an awesome message.  My favorite line..."drop the drama and put on the armor of God."  So good! :)  Then after that, Fellowship Night.  Went past midnight. :)  Then a group of us just hung out, talked, laughed, danced...lol  It was great.  Finally got home past 2 this morning. :)  Overall, everything was a success.  I'm seriously looking forward to doing more of the Fellowship Nights.  I loved seeing everyone just enjoy themselves, have fun, fellowship with everyone...what amazing awesomeness. :)  Made my heart ecstatically happy. :)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Today, Saturday....oh my word! lol  Woke up horribly groggy, as I didn't want to get up.  But I did.  Naomi and I met Tim at Eisenhower park and we hiked for about 2 hours.  Lemme tell you...lol  It was seriously TOUGH!! But I did enjoy myself. lol  Afterwards, Naomi and I went to Chick-Fil-A and got us some nuggets (they're under 350 calories, so there!) and water. :)

Now, working on Staycation stuff.  That's right.  For those who know what a Staycation is, one is in the works!!  I'm super excited about all of this!!  I have fun doing things like this....the planning, organizing, running things.  Makes my heart happy.  Although even with this I have to learn balance, and how to manage stress.  But also, one thing I think He's trying to teach me with this...is how to speak out and have my own voice.  That I'm not a wallflower.  He's created me to do good works for Him and His Kingdom, and in those good works, my heart's desire is to praise Him, love Him, glorify Him.  So I have to remember that at times when everything in me just wants to scream 'cause there's so much going on...who am I trying to glorify here?  Myself, or my Jesus?  I hope and pray it's my Jesus. :)

Other than that, it's been, so far, a beautifully gorgeous day.  There may be another workout today, but probably not.  Oh, and you know what?!  On my little calorie counter, cross-country hiking (which is what we did today)...burned 1521 calories for 2 hours. :)  That's a little less than what I'm allowed to eat in one day!!!!!!!  I think I'll be okay if I skip workout #2! lol

Til tonight, my tiny little world! :)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
So, I was sitting here working on stuff (I think that's my favorite phrase right now...I say it at work a lot too! haha), and just going over some conversations I had recently, including last night.  And I realized some things.  1) I get interrupted a lot, and the person I'm talking to kinda forgets that we were in a conversation and walks away, or starts a new one.  And just now realizing that that hurts just a bit sometimes, depending on the conversation.  At one point, I found myself saying, "it's okay; it didn't matter anyway." when it really, really did.  So, I keep quiet a lot, 'cause I think that what I have to say, no one really cares, or that it doesn't matter what I have to say.  And, as I can feel my eyes watering up...yeah, that's not okay.  2) I found this thought popped into my head this afternoon..."I will always put someone else's needs, desires, and wants above my own.  I'm not as important.  I'm okay with doing the work, cleaning, running things if everybody else is happy and fellowshipping.  Besides, no one even notices anyway."  And wow...ummm...I don't know how to take that, or what to think, or make of it.  Except that I think a part of my heart still needs to be healed from some things (not unusual in this season)...but I think it's starting to bother me a lot more...this wallflower thing...because I'm not made to be a wallflower.  I like when people stop and say thanks, or give me a hug, or do something without me asking them to do it.  It's the small things that count, and I think we, in our busyness (as I include myself in this too!) forget that.  Which confuses me...as my love language I think has changed. lol  A meshing of three different worlds: words of affirmation, quality time and acts of service.  I've been one for so long, that though it's not my primary receiving love language, it's become intertwined.  And I know I don't do things for the recognition, as I cringe.  But I do like thank yous.  I feel like a walking contradiction sometimes! haha
So, in my world right now...I don't really know a lot...things have been turned upside down, shaken, stirred, chopped, butchered, massacred...*sigh*  This whole thing is nuts and tough and hard.  And sometimes I find myself really wanting to quit, as this one question keeps popping up, "Who am I?"  Who have You created me to be?  Everything has changed.  EVERYTHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I can't stress that enough.  My world has been torn apart, blasted to pieces, crumbled to the ground, and bull-dozed over.  Now...now...I don't know.  Some things are just...BLEGH!

There...that's a bit better for my heart now that I could just write everything out...
I'm still in this awkward moment season right now.  And I just want to scream and scream and scream.  But that's not a bad thing. :)  It means I'm changing and growing.  I just wish I knew where He was headed in all of this.  It would make my life so much easier. :)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dear random day today,

You had your moments.  I had mine.  I won.  And brought you over to the dark side for some cookies and milk.
I just wanted to let you know...I won.  I beat you, random day.  I got one thing accomplished, well 2 if you count my workout.  And you...you just continued your merry little way.
Now, now I can sit back, watch movies, and possibly stay up WAY later than I'm supposed to.  Why?  Because I can.  And because I'm waiting for my next movie to finish loading.  To which I will probably fall asleep 30 minutes into it after a nice, tall, cool glass of water.
Yes, random day, I enjoyed you.  I even busted out the fan that spins just so that I could continue to enjoy you, rather than wake up drenched in sweat for the, like, 5th night in a row.  Yes, I know God created me warm-blooded...occasionally wish I could not be so...uh...warm.
Yes, random day.  You were good to me.  Thoughts were jotted, people called, facebook stalked...
Thanks, random day, for everything.  You are MUCH appreciated.  Remind me to hug you.

Sincerely,
random day counter

Day Four...Reality as I know it.

It's a sad morning when one wakes up with cramps.  Stupid girl moments. Blegh.

But on a good note, didn't wake up as sore.  My abs/obliques are a little funky still, but for the most part, good.  Although I couldn't sleep last night.  Kept tossing and turning and waking up.  Probably cause I felt miserable with stupid girl moments, and back pain from said girl moments.  BLEGH

Today, I decided that I'm not going to workout.  Unless it's a simple, enjoyable walk for fun, not for exercise.  I decided that I wanted my body to just rest...especially after 3 days of "intense" (for me) workouts.  I'm so okay with this.  Now if I could just get rid of wanting tons of junk food cravings, I'd be great! lol  Right now, McDonald's sounds good.  Mmmmm....maybe I'll go for a grilled chicken sandwich, no mayo, and apple slices for the side instead of fries...wonder if I can do that...oh, and a nice tall ice water drink!!!!!!!  I'm hungry. :) haha

Let's see...what else...Girl Scouts is tonight.  After a season of not being in Girl Scouts, I've realized I've missed it.  A lot.  I love these girls, and being able to try new things with them, and be excited with and for them.  I mean, that's where I learned how to canoe, do archery, climb a rock wall, mountain bike, sell cookies, be in charge of large groups....haha  They were a constant challenge and joy.  So, to help 2 teacher friends of mine, I've gone back to assisting with their troop, but NOT being the leader (which is fun for me, 'cause it's WAY LESS responsibility! haha).  I'm just in charge of putting the activities together for all 3 levels (did I mention it's a multi-level troop, so we have between 20-25 girls coming, from Kinder-5th grade?), and helping where needed. :)  This, I can do! haha  This is my stress reliever from work, when I just need to breathe, set work aside for a few minutes, and then dive right back in.  It's what I did yesterday at work.  And it totally relieved some of the frazzledness of it all. :)

So, today, I'm gonna stop at McDonald's and grab some food, then I'm going to go to the Girl Scout Council and run some errands there, then head to work where my big boss is possibly coming in to our campus and observing/evaluating things.  I'm feeling much better about all of this...possibly with the help of sleep, Midol, and knowing that it's my choice how I react.  And I'm praying for balance.

Oh, and on a somewhat sad note, I just realized I haven't done my Bible Study for the day...Hmmm...I'll probably take it to work with me, get there 30 minutes early, and just sit at my desk and do it.  That sounds like a plan to me! :)

Until later, my tiny world! :)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
:)  It's been a good day.  Grabbed lunch/dinner from Panda Express (thank God for coupons!!  Especially since I had forgotten to pack a dinner as Girl Scouts was tonight, so this is my REALLY long night).  Went to work early, then decided that since I didn't have to clock-in yet, I wasn't going to work on actually work stuff, so I just worked on Girl Scout stuff (which totally made for easier day today!).  It was peaceful at work, very calming (which my boss noted at our end-of-day conversation, whereby he said, "I knew it was a good day.  Your voice was very calm when you said, "I'm getting work done." when I had called you."...maybe I need to take the hint. lol).  Got a lot accomplished today. :)

Had Girl Scouts tonight.  The ladies (girls) had fun.  Was a bit hectic me going from Brownies to Juniors and back again tonight, helping 2 different levels with separate projects...but again, the girls had a blast. Taught them a new song.  The Daisies were/are jealous.  But I will admit.  Don't really like working with 'em...probably 'cause I don't necessarily have the patience for them, which is why the other leader works with 'em. :)

Umm...what else??  Oh yeah.  Came back to the office, and my boss was in.  He complimented me today, which made me happy.  What would make me happier?  Starbucks! lol  Mmmm....white chocolate mocha frap w/ choc chips, soy milk, no whip cream. :)  Oh, the happiness and sheer joy of the thought! :)  Or getting paid to go to the other campus and show/teach how  a traditional meeting is run.  That'd be extremely cool!! haha

Stayed at work til a little after ten, when I walked out with another teacher. (yay!)  Came home, talked with Michelle a bit, laughed a bit...

And didn't workout.  And totally didn't feel bad about it. :)  Yay.  And my body is no longer sore, or throwing me dizzy spells. Double yay!  Think it had to do with the whole girl thing.  Midols, I love you! :)

Anywho...tomorrow, back to morning workout (DVD again, or Pilates?!  Hmmm...shall think about this tomorrow morning), eating breakfast, making my smoothie for lunch.  And then....FIRESTARTERS!!!  Yay! :)  Although I'm just realizing that I forgot to do my Bible Study today (left the book at home).  Which means I'm doing double tomorrow.  Oh well!  Just more time in the Word.  AND...I'm going to try not to go in early tomorrow. :)  Hoping to once again balance it all out, especially as I'll be taking home a work project to get it done before our training Monday evening.

Oh yeah!  AND I'm going hiking on Saturday morning with NC.  Super excited!! :)

K.  Think that's all of it.  Night world!  Time for a movie, a cookie and some sleep! :)

Day Three...Happy happy joy joy!!!!

Ha!  Woke up this morning an hour and a half before my alarm clock, but got in a good 7-8 hours of sleep!  It's been lovely, going to bed before midnight.  I have discovered that now, within 10 minutes of my head hitting the pillow, I am out.  And it's wonderfully lovely! :)  Kiss that, insomnia! :)  (As you can tell, I'm a little bouncy this morning.)

I did wake up to discover that my obliques/sides/whatever you call that area of your body is sore.  And Pilates did that?!?!  I wasn't skeptical for a minute.  Interesting.  And I woke up seriously hungry, and now am getting a hunger headache.  I'm thinking it's time for breakfast!  YAY!!  Not at all excited to eat food.  What a great time to reflect and think and....eh, who am I kidding?!  I'm really really hungry. :)

Anywho, on today's schedule: workout DVD this morning (to Bob today...ugh stupid lunges), get ready for work, lunch meeting with IR & LL, run errands BEFORE lunch meeting, try to shut up the cats outside my window who are howling like mad, work, then hopefully, if all goes well and I don't have to stay late for work...workout #2 with NC today. :)

Adios, morning world!  Til later on today. :)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
No workout this evening.  I laid down...and that was the end of that.  All energy has left this building.  And I ate a crappy dinner.  Do I feel guilty?  Somewhat.  But then I remember that this isn't about denying myself and rules and such, but instead about learning how to balance everything IN MODERATION.  So, what am I gonna do next?

Go enjoy my almond milk cappuccino swirl and a tall glass of ice water and park myself in front of the TV and do no work, and relax, and go to bed by 10:30 midnight.
That, and probably have a good cry.  Stupid girl moments, especially when said moments are late, which causes havoc with the emotions.

So, all in all, a good day.  At least I worked out this morning.  Will possibly consider going walking tomorrow morning only 'cause I already did the DVD today, and Bob and I are good for another day or so (we're better off distant friends where we see each other every other day or so).  Either that or do Pilates again.  Had such fun with that!

And, can I say...I think I'm noticing a difference in the shape of the belly.  But it may just be me. lol  And my hopeful, optimistic, dear-Jesus-I-want-to-be-healthy way. :)

Oh!  And I added 3 accountability partners today with this.  For encouragement, hugs, compliments, pushes gentle nudges of grace, and overall throw me off a cliff and pray I make it cheerleaders. :)

Oh.  And did I mention...I left work early on time, and my boss congratulated me.  Yes, congratulated me.  Maybe my work time needs to become balanced once again...it used to be...oh well!  Readjustment time, I think.

Well, dear hearts!  Much love to you all, and I'ma headin' for the freezer!  YES!!!!!!!

Day Two...Oh the pain!!

Woke up super early today...an hour and 15 minutes early to be exact.  When I looked at the clock, I wasn't happy.  Then I thought...hmmm...I can get my workout in earlier and have more time in my day to go run some errands...and then I was happy again. :)

So, what I forgot to mention last night is that my best friend of the past year and a half...I had to give away.  His name was "the dreaded scale".  I've discovered that I'm horrendously number conscious, and even when I'm doing good, and I know that muscle weighs more than fat, and that I'm doing things right...anytime that scale jumps up, I feel myself berating myself (I know...awkward statement that one), beating myself up, calling myself all kinds of horrific names, and going into a depression of sorts.  So, to stop that, I handed over the scale last night to my workout buddy, NC.  She cheered when I told her I was letting go of the scale for a while.  I went to the bathroom this morning, and looked at the spot where it was located, and felt this sadness that it was gone.  Which tells me what kind of dependency I had on that stupid inanimate object.  So, I guess it's a good thing it's gone.  How I'm going to keep track of this journey, I don't know.  Except to possibly just weigh in at her place, since she has the bff there in her car.

Anywho...woke up today sore in my legs and thighs.  Seriously asking myself if I want to keep pushing (of course I do, I just like being comfortable, that's all, which is what caused this obesity in the first place....gasp, yes, I said, according to my BMI I'm obese).  The funny thing is, is that I know I'm fairly healthy, in regards to cholesterol, blood pressure, etc.  Only thing that's been a niggle in the back of my mind has been blood sugar issues, and making sure I get enough vitamins and minerals to stay consistently healthy (thanks, calorie counter website, for telling me my grade every day, and letting me know if I'm getting enough nutrients).  So, day 2 of this journey...I'm thinking maybe going for a little hike...or just popping in the power sculpt dvd with the evil Jillian Michaels...or I even have a yoga DVD...that sounds better...cause then I can stretch all the soreness, as MC suggested.  And afterwards, I can eat a banana, like DM suggested.  See, I'm listening, people, just on my own terms! lol

So, good morning little tiny world of mine.  Let's get ready to rock and roll! :)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Next time I make fun of a workout, just tell me to shut up.  I finally popped in the Pilates Body Band DVD that I was given, like, a year ago.  I was just thinking...oh, this'll be a great stretching thing to help with my soreness.  It's not REALLY a workout.  I betcha you don't even break out in a sweat.

I have eaten humble pie.  Not only did it stretch out and help the soreness in my legs, but because it was the body band workout, my arms got their own workout while the rest of my body did too.  And now they hurt! lol  AND I got a little "dewy".  And I admit it...I had TONS of fun with this.  Probably 'cause I wasn't jumping around everywhere trying to follow weird crazy calisthenics movements.  Instead, I did a low-key workout that my body still feels. :)

So far, so good.  Fun adventure day 2!  Now to try a plum for the first time (hey, I'm not a fruit person), get ready for work, make my smoothie for lunch, pack dinner and snacks, come home, get my workout on w/ Naomi again (going walking/jogging again), then on to home again for the night. :)  I'ma lookin' forward to it!! :) whoop whoop!

Oh, and I did my First Place 4 Health bible study today again...week 2 day 2.  Lord, thank You for keeping me on track!  Lifestyle change, NOT a diet! :)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I should journal.  Really.  But too tired.  No evening workout. :(  Stayed at work late.  Good thing I got my morning workout in!  Called several people, including MC and DM, for advise on supplements.  Decided no potassium supplements.  Will try fish oil (ewwwwwwwww).  Did research online as well.  Fish oil seems to be the vote.
On to bed.  Tired.  Sore.  Tired.
Night world.  Til tomorrow!

Day One of this journey.

My legs feel like they are going to die and fall off a miserable death.  I smell like a boy I'm sweating so much.  And I'm definitely ready for nap time now.  Did I mention the boy smell?!

All in all, though, I woke up today determined.  I actually woke up BEFORE the alarm! (yay me!)  And I worked on work and lesson plans, made a healthy breakfast (only 227 calories, including my juice!), and got my first workout of the day in.  I've gotta say...I'm feeling mighty productive.  AND I did my Bible Study from the First Place 4 Health series.

And I caught myself praying this morning (always a good thing), and speaking to my body (aka belly) that it will lose weight healthily and steadily, and speaking health into it.  I seem to be doing that a lot lately.  I think I'm finally beginning to figure out that, yes, I really CAN speak health into my body (the Word does say our tongues have the power of life and death), and that includes weight loss and my whole teeth situation (seeing as I can't afford an orthodontist, dentist OR braces).  So, as of right now, I really am excited.  Maybe not about the boy smell, but most certainly that the baby steps process is just that...baby steps.  And that each morning I have to get back up and do this over again, even when I want to quit.

And finally feeling, once again, that glimmer of hope that change really can happen, it's just gonna be a sssssssssllllllllllloooooooooooooowwwwwwwwwww process. :)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Now, it's evening.  Final workout of the day is done.  My calves are burning.  I started a new song, which I will not sing it for you online for fear of forever embarrassing myself (Naomi, you know which one!)...needless to say, I have no problem entertaining myself through song and dance, as well as voice-overs and voice-acting.  It's quite scary, really. :)

On the home front, I was actually excited tonight to workout.  It was weird.  Really weird.  I even surprised my workout buddy! lol  And work was good.  Hectic, but good.  And I ate healthy pretty much all day (okay, my guilty pleasure tonight was spicy blue corn chips and guacamole, but I had the severe munchies, and the bag was calling my name...so I ate some...).  Day one is almost officially complete.  My body feels like it wants to die a slow, miserable death (okay, I'm being drastic; it's more like my legs), and I'm seriously ready for bed.

Day 2 is looming around the corner, and I'm pretty sure I'll be sleeping in tomorrow (yay!).  Well, I think that's it.  As for my parting note:

"I love you so much that I'd let the zombie eat me first." :)  Til next time, cyber world! :)

You've got to be kidding me!

Oh the journey of weight loss.  It sucks (for those of you who hate that term...it inhales deeply, it stinks, it is sincerely despised...feel better?)!  This has been an ongoing battle for years now, and it seems that every year I fail even harder and faster.

This year.  Well, this year I think the Lord is trying to tell me something.  Could it be because 2 different people had either a vision or a dream where they saw me with weight lost, and one where they even saw me jogging (trust me, NOT a pretty picture!).  And if I'm honest with myself, I get kind of freaked out by losing weight.  I know, weird, right?  Most people would be overjoyed!  But looking back at some things, including some past things, I know why I freak out.  Because if I lose the weight, I can no longer hide behind that issue.  I have to show who I really am, my personality, everything.  I wouldn't be able to use my weight as an excuse anymore, as my comfort zone.

So, today, while shopping and talking with a dear sweet friend of mine...I decided to up the ante.  And not just workout 3 times a week.  But going to 5-6 times a week (gulp).  There, I said it.  Does this freak me out?  Um, yes.  Does my heart pound at the thought of me putting on workout clothes and going out there and actually working out freak me out? (can you hear the panic attack wheezing starting?!)  Yes.  Do I really want to do this?  Um, no.  But do I want to discipline my body? (small squeak of yes comes in somewhere over here)

My goal...50 pounds by the end of this year.  Do I think this is possible?  I have not the slightest idea.  I really don't.  As I told my friend, I think I've lost hope with this whole battle of losing weight.  But baby steps is needed, and since I'm so goal-oriented, I tend to look at the big picture and forget that those tiny milestones can see you through to the end.  So milestone goals: 4 pounds per month.  4x9 is 36.  So, let's make it to 40 pounds dropped by the end of the year instead of 50.  Seems a little more reasonable to me.

And if you're reading this, a little cheering on would work wonders too.  I'm just saying... :)