Getting back up....again...2/21/14

Sometimes, life takes you on a crazy journey.

And then tosses you out of the car.

That's kind of how I've been feeling lately.  A little lost, a little crazy and way too busy.

So, let's play catch up on where I'm at right now:

Work
After having 4 staff leave in January, leaving me 2 staff, plus myself, to work w/ around 100 kiddos...let's just say the stress of that time left me in tears almost every night.  My poor hubby...God bless him for learning to deal w/ the stress and love me that much more.  It meant late nights at work, and early mornings too.  It meant lots of chocolate, coffee and goodies for my staff because we were just trying to hang on, with no help on the way.

Now, almost 2 1/3 months later, we can honestly say we have survived it.  And I'm only down 1 staff now, instead of 4.  And I, overall, love each of them for their unique ways.  (One of them has a shoe collection...yes...we tease HIM a lot...lol...him and his Nike's...)  They've had to put up with a lot, but learn that much more quickly.  They've had to deal w/ so much, and I am thankful for each of them, and how they've ALL been willing to help take the load off of me when I finally opened up to just how stressed I was, and what it had been doing to me internally.

Health
Not so good, to be honest.  It's been...a very long ride.  Due to some complications w/ the meds I was first put on, and their side effects, we've had to once again get off the meds and try to control the issues homeopathically.  This has led to a lot of research, study, etc.  And frantically trying to find items the cheapest yet best possible (it's expensive!!!).  My weight has ballooned, and I am now heavier than when I first started this journey.  And it's been frustrating...  It doesn't help that I've pretty much been swollen for over a week now, and can't seem to get the swelling to leave...thus, the FB post on anti-inflammatory herbs and such.  Once again trying to find a homeopathic remedy that will fit and work with my body.

Yesterday, there was a meltdown on the way to drop Eric off to work.  I...couldn't deal w/ everything going on anymore.  I was just so frustrated, so broken, and so heartsick at feeling like everything was crashing down and all of the hard work was seemingly for nothing.

So, we had a heart talk last night, and came up with a game plan that involves the both of us.  I'm going back to the Daniel Fast/mostly vegetarian way I ate.  Partly for spiritual reasons, but also because my body does so much better on a vegetarian lifestyle than it does w/ the meats I've been incorporating due to the much-needed protein I was told I needed.  (Unfortunately, this is why I think the swollen hasn't gone down, and has only gotten worse...)  I'm excited, though I know my body is going to go under a serious detox that is going to leave me cranky and feeling like crap for awhile.  But I know in the long-run that it's what's needed to hopefully realign my body into where I need it to be.  Especially as I need to schedule another blood lab work to be done...which will determine if I need to be placed on insulin...

Eric and I also came up with a workout that we can do together at home.  Neither of us have money for a gym right now, and the idea of walking in the dark, in places I don't really know, makes both of us feel quite uncomfortable with that idea.  So, home workouts it is until God provides another way.  I'm praying for some weights right now, since we don't have any.  : D

Spiritual

BSF...lots of homework...so little time sometimes! lol  But it's been good, and I've been learning a lot.  That's probably all I'll say right now.

Anywho...this is a bit where I am right now.  On the journey, refusing to give up, even though everything in me is crying to throw in the towel.

I can't.  I won't.  He has shown me that I'm stronger than even what I think I am.  So, it's time to lean on His strength, His wisdom, and get through this, one footstep at a time.

Until next time...

6 Months Progress Report: 4-17-13 to 5-17-13

SIX MONTHS BABY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Oh my golly!!  I can't believe it's been six months since this journey has started.  Half a year.  Almost to my birthday soon.  Half a year.  And man, has it been a battle!! Been I have made it this far, and for the most part, have kept it off!!  Hall-le-freakin-lujah!!

It's been six months of ups, downs, inside outs, and so much more.  This month has been the hardest of it all, I think.  So much has been going on, both physically, mentally and emotionally.  Needless to say, that means spiritually too.

From work schedule, to school schedule, to more work schedule, and then personal life happens, and so does the crap from it all.  All of that, and still able to lose 4.8 lbs this month.  And that's with inconsistent workouts due to all of the scheduling issues.

Man, is my God good!! :)

NSVs:

1. When I tried on jeans last month from my "new to me" side of the closet, they fit perfectly.  Now, they fit loose. :)

2.  My hips no longer touch the sides of the arc trainer.  AT ALL.  Period.  Nada.  No rub off!!  I've waited 6 long freakin' months to stop having friction burns on my hips! lol

3.  When I go grocery shopping, I now constantly look at the nutrition facts, and base my eating habits of buying stuff from reading labels, figuring out what foods are good for me, etc.  I plan my meals the same way.  That's been a HUGE change from even just a few months ago.  It has become 2nd nature to look at the label, and if it's not good for me, put it back.  I've even stopped buying sweets for the most part (minus the frozen yogurt from healthy choice! haha).  Actually, my sweet tooth has lessened considerably.  I tend to only have dessert if I go out w/ someone, and even then don't eat most of it.  I haven't been eating as much chocolate (except for yesterday....yesterday was a bad day and I needed my cocoa people!), and haven't been craving it as much either. :)  Ah, the changing of the taste buds!

4.  19.25" down since November 17, 2012. :)

5.  I'm lasting about 1.25 miles in my walk/jog intervals.  Last month was maybe a mile.  Maybe.  Usually between .8-.9 miles. :)

6.  My ankles look cute in my running shoes.  Yes, this is important to me. :) lol

7.  My head has shrunk.  Yay! :)  So has the fat around my neck.  Double yay!  Soon, no more double chin!!  Sa-weet!!!

8.  I'm learning to control my emotions through exercise, rather than through food.  This is a HUGE victory for me.  Some days are better than others, of course, but still.  To long for a run and not a burger or a giant candy bar....that is a complete 180 from where I was at.

And now, pictures I can be proud of, the further you go down! lol

Oct/Nov 2012:

Dec 2012:

January 2013:

February 2013:

March 2013:

April 2013:

May 2013:

I'll post a few more from the past month later. :)

And tomorrow, the big Biggest Loser RunWalk Off-Road Challenge.  Mud, running,obstacles.  Dude, I'm excited!!! :)

Until next month!

Oh...and I OFFICIALLY made it to my 20 lb mark, and have kept it off. :)  Now to my 30 lb mark baby!! :)

5 month progress....3-17 to 4-17 2013

Otherwise known as...the discouragement stage.

I know, I know.  Even the trainer says I'm too hard on myself.  But man.  This. month. SUCKED.

So many medical things happening.  Not being able to workout for  3 WEEKS.  Yes.  THREE WEEKS.  That was so hard.

And then trying to get back into it, after so long.  And to top it off, that's when the crazy busyness started at both jobs.  And school.  Did I forget to mention I now have to play catch-up with school work?!  Which means I don't really sleep right now.  Because I'm 3 weeks behind schedule on everything.  Well, make that 2 weeks behind schedule.  Maybe.

And I'm tired.  And some stupid man made a horribly rude comment to me this past weekend, which discouraged me even more.

So, I'm trying to find that place again.  And also trying to find my ankles under all the swelling...

Yeah.  Month 5 has been the roughest month yet.  I lost less than an inch in a month, and I gained 1.8 lbs this month.  So yeah.  I'm not happy.  And all I want to do is quit.  And complain.  And throw things.  And hide in my bed.  And actually sleep...

I want to quit, give up, throw my hands in the air, and just say screw it all!!!!!  I'M DONE WITH THIS CRAP!!

But I'm trying not to.  Trying to take one day at a time.  Heck, more like taking 15 minutes at a time.  No, if I'm truthful to myself, it's having to take one minute at a time.  Because I'm not doing well mentally, spiritually, emotionally and physically.  So, if you're a prayer warrior, prayers are so much appreciated right now.  Even as the tears fall, I know that I'm at the pivotal moment that can change my course.  And I'm trying to stay on course so badly. *sigh*

So, I'll try and look at some of the positives.  Notice the word try.

NSVs:

1. This past week, I ran 0.86 miles on the treadmill.  The farthest I've run on the treadmill!  And that was at a 5.0 pace.  I feel like I'll eventually get to my mile...hopefully by August.  That'd be nice.  But again...swollen ankles due to how much standing on my feet I've done...

2. This morning, I put on a pair of pants that didn't fit me last time I tried them.  Last month, I couldn't fully pull them up past my thighs.  Today, not only were they up all the way, I could get them zipped.  And buttoned.  Though I still have a muffin top in them.  But not enough to stop me from wearing them.  Only because all my other pants were dirty....due to work situations...

3.  I'm slowly finding new recipes that I've been enjoying eating.  As well as introducing more fruits into my eating habits.  YAAAAY.  I still don't like fruit, though...

4.  Though I haven't given up my chocolate, I'm finding that I don't really crave it all that much anymore.  I instead crave matzo w/ peanut butter and honey, or matzo w/ pb alternative....made from cookies...that is addicting...and yummy...and only 86 calories... :)

5.  I haven't given up.  Despite the intense desire to quit, I haven't given up.

6.  I can now wear a Large in shirts from Old Navy.  NOT an XXL.  :)  This.  This made me happy!!!

7.  When I did my run/walk intervals at the park, I went 2.12 miles in 36 minutes.  I've never gone that far before!!  Or that fast, that far! :)

8.  I signed up for the Biggest Loser Obstacle Course Challenge.  And whether anyone else goes w/ me or not, I'm going.  I don't care if it's by myself.  Some days, I kind of hope it is.  Why?  So I can prove to myself just how far I've come.  I need this motivation so badly right now.

9.  I no longer keep sweets in the house.  As a matter of fact, I've stopped buying them, period.  So my chocolate stash stays at work.  And I now log EVERY PIECE OF CHOCOLATE that enters my mouth.

10.  I've stopped shopping in the inner aisles of the grocery store for most of my things.  I now try and stick to the outside aisles unless absolutely necessary.  It's taken me almost a year to get to this point!  AND I stuck to my budget!! :)

With all of that being said, that does make me feel a bit better to see and read all of that.

No pictures this month.  I took them, but I really don't want to post them this time.  They're just sad...so maybe next month.

Peace out.

3 Month Progress: 1-17-13 to 2-17-13

3 MONTHS BABY!!!!  Dude & dudettes, I still can't quite believe I've made it to 3 months (okay, technically I'm shy of it by 2 days, but I'm gonna be busy this weekend, so needed to get this outta the way!).  Not only that, but this past month has seen some of my biggest & greatest victories so far.

Oh, lemme list 'em for ya!  I LOVE lists.  They make me happy.  And organized.  And happy!

1. Ran 1/2 a mile in 7 min and some-odd seconds.

2. Ran laps around the school gym...for fun...during recess.  Yes, for fun.  Who the hell am I?!? lol  This fat girl is learning to like to...jog.  I'm not ready for the "r" word yet. :)

3. Hit my TEN POUNDS LOST goal @ 268.8. :)

4. Started Interval training on all cardio machines (except treadmill), and am FINALLY on Level 2 on Arc Trainer (AT) and Cross Trainer (CT).

5.  My weight routine is getting so much better!!

8. Ab Coaster: went from no weights added, to 20 lbs added, to now 25 lbs added.

9. Back Extension (NOT the machine): went from using body weight, to now adding a 10 lb weight. :)

10. Ab X: went from doing 45 crunches/sit-ups/whatever you call 'em to 70...and adding extra just for fun. :)

11.  On the Assisted Dip, went from 20 Assisted Pounds, to 18 Assisted Pounds. :)

12. Went from an XL/XXL to a L/XL, depending on the shirt.  And, on some occasions, a M. :)

13.  Started pants size 24 to now a size 20, comfortably. :)

14. My belt used to be notched at the 11th hole, sometimes the 12th....now at 15-16. :)

15.  Down 5.4375 inches since 11-17-12.  (It would've been more, but I only measured waist, hips, thigh and arms then.  My bad...)

16.  From the previous month, down a total of 3.1875 inches (measuring neck, arm, chest, forearm, wrist, waist, hips, thigh, knee, calf, ankle).

17.  The biggest one of all: I THREW AWAY CHOCOLATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Yes, you read me right, my friends.  Me, the chocoholic....I threw away almost all of the chocolate that was given to me.  :)  Or I gave it away to skinny people. :)

As of today, I am now weighing in at 266.6, which is a 12.2 pound weight loss so far.  I WILL TAKE IT!! :)

Now, for the battles:

1. Struggling w/ emotional eating, and losing.

2.  Fighting the desire to quit...daily...but this is also a MAJOR victory.  Because I'm fighting it, rather than giving in!!

3.  Fighting the voices in my mind that bring on fear.

And since I haven't taken recent pictures of me, you all will have to suffer with these:

January 17, 2013.  My size 22 wk pants on me

February 15, 2013.  My size 22 wk pants on me

And my waist is slowly turning into an hour-glass figure. :)

Jan 2013

Feb 2013

And lastly, the ULTIMATE in knowing you are on the right track to lookin' hot on the southside: when all the cholos go, "DAMN!!  You can lift that much?!"

Yeah, this fat girl can lift that much.  Get over it.  I'm eventually gonna lift more than you one day.  Now pick up your baggy a** pants! :)

See you all in one month! :)

P.S.  If anyone wants to do a 5K race w/ me in April, lemme know, and I'll send you over the info!!  $15/person until March 28th!!! :)

2 month progress: 12-17 to 1-17

If someone would have told me when I first started this, that I'd actually still be sticking w/ it 2 months later, I would've smiled politely and in my head thought, "you don't know me very well".  Usually a few weeks into something this massive, I have the tendency to throw my hands in the air and give up.  Which almost happened earlier this month.

Recent picture of me as of 1/13/13:

What I looked like before I started, October 2012:

Needless to say, I don't miss how heavy I was.  I don't miss feeling like crap.  I can finally see that I have a waist, and I don't mind wearing button-down shirts (I used to not wear them because I was too self-conscious about the way I looked in them, especially as I gained weight back).  I can even see my arms/wrists are a tad smaller (which measurements have proved!).

This month was a rough month for me.  It saw some great highs, and some serious lows.  Went out of town, and didn't gain any weight...as a matter of fact, proved to myself that I didn't need the gym to find a good workout, also watched what I ate much more carefully.  Then it saw the holiday seasons, which are always rough for me.  BUT I only gained a pound during that time. (that in itself is a huge praise!)

And then January hit, and the depression started coming back up.  And it didn't help that my TOM was late. So, here I was, a miserable sobbing mess, isolating myself, hiding out in my room, and just saying to myself, I give up.  The scale hasn't moved, I've gained weight back, measurements are out of whack.  SCREW IT ALL.

BUT, I didn't give up.  I finally went to my roommate and broke down, and she prayed over me and my body.  I also prayed over my hormones and emotions, and have been slowly re-reading the Battlefield of the Mind by Joyce Meyer (because that's where the biggest battle is for me in all of this).  I've chosen to not give up.  Especially as the day that I finally went back to the gym after a few days hiatus, and I met a woman who lost 150 pounds, w/ no products, diet plans, etc.  Just watching what she ate and exercising.  Which is how I want to do it.

I've come to the realization that my nature to be addicted to certain "things" does not make in conducive to allowing me to take products, supplements, etc. to help along this journey.  I'd just abuse them, and my body.  So, I'm choosing to do this in what most people call the hard way, but the way that I know will give HIM all the glory, and not products, diets, etc. (not that some of those are bad or wrong, but they're not right for me)

This round, I won the mental battle by getting back up again.  It took me awhile, but I did it.  I got back up, got back on that damn cross trainer, and beat my time. :)  AND it just so happened that on that exact same day, my TOM started as my body began to realign itself to where it needs to be.

All that to say, the progress is slow.  The scale can be discouraging, especially as I saw the numbers jump up, but then I see my measurements go down.  I don't understand it, but hey.  I'm learning to listen to my body, figure out what's best and right for me, as well as listen to the Holy Spirit tell me which direction I should go in this.

So, month 3 starts w/ less calories to eat, more determination, and a willingness to listen to where I'm supposed to be and go.  I've been asking Him to give me a picture of what He wants me to look like after this, and what I'd like to look like, and mesh the two visions together. Probably because the vision of myself is skewed.  I've decided that I'll be doing BOTM as my devotions for this month, to help realign and refocus where I need to be and where I want to go.

This next month (month 3) will also see a new session w/ my trainer. :)  And some new victories that I can't wait to share at my 3 month progress report! :)

Non-Scale Victories (NSVs)--1/6/13

1. a pair of pants that were starting to fit a bit snug fit just right now. :)

2. my hips no longer touch the cross trainer outer grips

3. I've discovered that I have some pretty awesome bicep action going on...noticed it during the arm curls yesterday, and was kinda impressed! lol

4. My desire/craving for sugar is lessening as it slowly works its way outside my system once again.

5. I'm more intentional about what I eat, yet still allow myself freedom to eat stuff like wings, chocolate, cookies, etc. on occasion.  I'm learning to not just control what goes in my mouth, but to have a HEALTHY balance and have fun with it.

6. I can see my hour glass figure slowly being defined once again.  And I'm starting to be okay w/ the fact that I have a huge badonkadonk, always will, and huge boobs, which has seen a slight marginal decrease (which I'm fine w/...I'd be sad if I lost the girls...)

7. I'm slowly liking the way I look w/ clothes on, and learning that I don't need to hide who I am underneath.

8. I'm starting to slowly examine myself in the mirror, nekkid.  And learning to be happy with who I am, fat and all.  Why?  Because though I want to lose the weight, I know it's a process and a body.  And if I'm not happy w/ myself now, I'm never going to learn to be happy with myself later, which can easily lead to another type of addiction.  So...basically, learning to take one step at a time.

My ugly

Now, before you get upset at me about the title, to understand today's blog, you need to read the following blog that inspired it:

http://sammyadebiyi.com/blogs/sammy-adebiyi/ugly-people

After reading this, and sobbing my eyes out for over an hour before reading this...some things hit home.  All my little "uglies" that like to rear themselves up when I'm not looking, or thinking, or have my armor on.

Lemme give you a few examples:

1. The comparison game.  All my life I've always compared myself to, well, somebody.  If you were better at it, I compared and tried to figure out how to be better than you.  (which will lead to example 2 in a minute)  Or even more detrimental, I think, is comparing myself to other women.  What they have, what they look like, sound like, act like...all in the hopes of trying to be someone I'm not.  Insane, I know.  And you'd think by now I would have this "under control" *insert snort*, but quite frankly, this is one battle that gets gruesome as much as tiresome.

2. Pride.  Ahhh...that ugly word that most people deny they have.  Well, I'm not denying it.  As a matter of fact, even in my thought life this comes out...not always out loud, but it's there.  That damn sneaky little thing.

3. The "I'm-never-going-to (insert word/phrase here) because I'm not (good enough, pretty enough, special enough, lovely enough, beautiful enough, you get the gist).  Yeah, I said it.  What woman doesn't play this game in her head at some point in her life?  But how in the world does one get out of it, at times?

All of this to say, I'm struggling.  With seeing so many friends in relationships, starting families, having amazing lives...and feeling like I'm just...here...trying to keep my head above water without drowning.  Sometimes forgotten, a lot of times lonely, and a few bits miserable.  At times.

And today, sobbing everything out, all that could keep coming out of my mouth was, "I'm sorry Jesus.  I'm so so sorry."  Over and over and overandoverandoverandover again.  Even now, just thinking about it, still causes me to sniffle and cry.  I'm sorry that I've drifted away.  I'm sorry that I pushed You away at times, because I was angry...at You...at this...at my impatience.  I'm sorry that I allowed so much to happen that was kept in the dark, that, in some cases, is still in the darkness, because I've been so afraid to take it out.  But today, this morning, I took it out.  And saw it clearly.  And sobbed my heart out and snotted everywhere.  (disgusting, I know, but get over it)

I allowed things that I never should have.  And piece by piece I had been feeling this distancing from Him.  So, I have to do the hard thing and let some things go.  Because if I don't, I'll drown under them.  And allow them to overwhelm me and separate me.  So today was my cry out, my prayer, my last finger grip on the rope.  My repentance, my salvation, my hope restored.  That despite everything, all of the mistakes, the things I've allowed in, the things I've allowed done and in, He loves me despite it all, and it makes me cling to Him even more.

No, this journey isn't over yet.  And I know I'll still have tears rolling down today.  But I also know that His voice is becoming a bit more clearer as I open up my heart to Him, issues and sins and all.  And as I sit at the foot of the Cross, I know that by the end of today I'll be sitting in His throne room rejoicing and laughing.  Because He loves me.  And I know, that despite everything, I love Him.

Whew...

"Perfect love casts out all fear"  And I'm gonna go farther...all failure, all shame, all sins, all uglies...once you nail them to the cross, let go, open up your arms wide, and fall into the arms of an amazing Abba Father who's running towards you.

So today, today, I'm the prodigal daughter returning.  Prodigal: wastefully or recklessly extravagant
I've been wastefully extravagant of the grace given, of the love shown, and with tears streaming down, I tell my Lord I'm sorry, and I run to Him because I don't know what else to do but run into the arms of the One who loves me beyond measure, beyond seas, beyond all imagination.  And once again, I hide myself under the shadow of His wings as He calls to me, "Come, Beloved, let us sit awhile."


And I once again am reminded of just what it feels like to be pursued.

The MyFitnessPal Ticker...to help w/ the whole motivation thing :)

<a href="http://www.myfitnesspal.com/weight-loss-ticker"><img border="0" src="http://tickers.myfitnesspal.com/ticker/show/2419/6922/24196922.png" /></a><p style="text-align:center;width:420px;"><small>Created by MyFitnessPal - <a href="http://www.myfitnesspal.com">Nutrition Facts</a> For Foods</small></p>

Contemplations

You know, sometimes I really hate late nights.  Like tonight.  When I have too much time to think.  And then I think about my day, the things I've done, the actions I did or did not take.  And then I start to over think.  I know, I know.

Like this morning, for instance.  When I weighed-in on the scale.  And then I immediately wanted to hurl the scale, or maybe just myself, off in a fit of temper.  Because the number was seriously high.  And I know numbers don't matter, especially when clothes are fitting loose.  But lemme tell you...I'm a numbers girl...and I like numbers.  So, to me, numbers DO MATTER.  Why?  Because it's something I can see visibly.  Which stinks...because then I get hung up on these numbers...and, well, now you know what a semi-conversation looks like inside my head in this paragraph here.

All that to say...

I had to breathe. And NOT let the numbers get me down.  Because I know I've been working out.  For the most part, I've been REALLY good on my meals/eating habits/lifestyle changes.  And that all this interval training has made me get some serious muscles on my body (yaaaaaaaaaay).

But I have received that I need to just bury the scale somewhere in the boonies in hopes that it never find me anytime soon.

Because numbers and visuals do a whack-job to my brain.  And start getting me in a tizzy.

So today, I had to learn to lean on Him for my identity.  To choose to not listen to the lies inside my head saying all kinds of crappy things.  Was it easy?  No.  Am I still battling?  Yes.

But PTL His mercies are new EVERY morning.  And so are my choices. :)

So, all that to say....

If you're in a strangle, struggling place...it's okay.  Keep going.  Keep holding on.  Don't quit.  Don't give up.  You'll get through it...push through....keep up the good work...even when it's not so good, keep going...because your new day is coming! :)

Short, sweet, to the point.  It's just something I needed to write out to get out of my head and on to the journal.

night, my small world. :)

Workout #3: Strength Training Intervals

Once again, thanks to Debbie G for putting this all together!  :)

Burpees, 10 each.  On a step.  Challenge: w/out step
Squats w/ Shoulder Press.  20 each, 10 w/ press 10 w/out press.  Barely touch bottom of chair.

Everything else is timed; start w/ 30 seconds and work the way up to 1 minute each:

-side to side (w/ a step or w/out).  Challenge, for me, will be with a step...working on my coordination here! lol
-push ups (on knees right now)
-on the ball w/ a band:
   back pull (lying on hips/abs area and then pulling band back to work my back upper back region)
   abs on ball w/ band (in crunch position, hold band w/ each hand, and use band as added resistance)
   1-arm bicep w/ band (tie around something, and do from side position)
   tricep dips on ball--place ball against the wall (challenge: ball off the wall)
-1-arm shoulder press (10 lbs e/ arm)
-bottom to upright row, go up on toes (10 lbs each arm)
-reverse lunges w/ a punch out
-Russian twist w/ 5-8 lbs (arms to floor to work abs more)
-plank, on knees, elbows aligned w/ shoulders (start w/ 30 sec, challenge is a full minute)
-toe touches (crunches w/ arms out)

As of March 2nd, here are my original numbers for each.  I'll need to put an updated total when I move on to the next workout round! :)


30 seconds each:

-side to side 17/forgot to do 2nd set of this...whoopsie!
-push ups 11/18
-on the ball w/ a band:
   back pull 12/13
   abs on ball w/ band 11/11
   1-arm bicep w/ band 13/13
   tricep dips on ball--place ball against the wall 18/16
-1-arm shoulder press 18/19
-bottom to upright row, go up on toes 11/13
-reverse lunges w/ a punch out 11/12
-Russian twist w/ 8 lb kettlebell 10/12
-plank, on knees, elbows aligned w/ shoulders 2 30-sec planks
-toe touches 18/19

Workout #2-January 10, 2012

Today's measurements (in inches):
Abs: 51
Waist: 45
Chest: 45 3/4
Hips: 54
Thigh: 31.5
Arm: 13.75

Weigh-in: 270.0  (woohoo I maintained and dropped .6lbs of the holiday fat! lol)

Cardio
remains the same
5-6x per week
Step up the walk...get my 1 mile under 20 minutes
Continue interval walk/jog

Strength Training in this order (per the amazing Debbie G.):
1. Ball squats w/ shoulder press, 5lb weights in each hand, 12-15 reps
2. Inch worms, 10-15 reps
3. Side lunge crossover with a knee lift, 12-15 reps
4. Push-ups on ball, 10-15 reps
5. Abs on ball (crunches), 15-20 reps
6. 1-legged 1-arm row w/ 10lbs in each hand, 10-15 reps
7. table top curls w/ band, 12-15 reps
8. Tricep dips, sit halfway on hands then start, 12-15 reps

Do every other day, 3 sets of each

Ab Days:
-Plank on ball (1 minute goal)
-Ball crunches
-Bridges
-Russian twist w/ 5lb weight in hand

3 sets of 15-20 reps

Challenges:
-Push-ups on ball: walk out on knees (move ball downwards on legs)
-Row: from 1 hand gripping the chair, to finger tips touching the chair frame, to no hands on the chair
-Russian twist: feet elevated

Once again, thanks to the AMAZING Debbie G! :)  Can't wait til she kicks my butt the next time!  And I miss it...this is getting way too easy to do now! haha

Losing it...and Loving it! :)

It's been a really long time since I've sat and wrote on this thing...almost a month to be exact.  And I can say...it's definitely been a journey.

Some days have been better than others.  Some days have been longer.  And yes, lots of tears and sweat and occasional pricks of blood drops due to paper cuts have been shed. (hehehe)

But today, I really just wanted to share what was on my heart at the moment.

Today was my weigh-in.  Dropped 2.2 lbs this week.  I was SOOOOOOOOO excited (and still am!).  I did my happy dance around the scale.  That's right.  I actually did a happy dance AROUND THE SCALE.  Those of you who have seen my happy dance...rejoice! lol

Part of me was excited about the weight loss.  But the biggest part of me was more excited that this process has been a beginning for me to choose to overcome.  It's a daily decision...will I choose to overcome old eating habits, old ways of thinking, old ways of a sedentary life...

Today is Day 20 since I made the commitment to learn to deal w/ the issues inside my body (from the physical aspect of it all).  So, I've been very careful on what I eat, how much I eat as well as daily activity of my body.
Here are several conclusions I've come up with:

1. When I want to quit, that's the best time to scream out loud, "I CAN DO ALL THINGS THROUGH CHRIST WHO GIVES ME STRENGTH".  And yes, I've screamed it out loud.

2. My body does not rule over me.  My emotions do not rule over me.  I make the choice to conquer my body and bring it into submission to the Word.  The Word that says I am healthy, whole and healed.

3. As I'm still learning, I cannot do this journey alone.  I was not made to be an island, but instead was made to lift up others and be lifted up myself.  Why?  Because we are all one body in Christ.  If my story can encourage others, then let that happen.  If I can be encouraged by someone else's story, then let me hear it!  We are here to encourage and build each other up, and I'm believing that my story will encourage others to do the same in a NATURAL and HEALTHY way rather than the rapid weight loss systems or surgeries (no condemnation people!).

4. I'm learning to love working out.  I wake up with workout brain.  Workout brain is when my first thought of waking up isn't just, "Morning Jesus!"  But it now includes, "Morning Jesus LET'S DO THIS! RAAAAWWWWRRRR" lol  And yes, I know Jesus laughs at me....you do too...admit it, I'm funny. :)

5. Above everything, my focus during this process isn't a sexy body, a hot body, or being "hot" or anything to that degree.  My focus is presence-driven...When I do this, I am honoring Him with my body, my heart, my time and my life.  I'm honoring Him when I choose to help Him keep me healthy by allowing my body to become healthy in a natural process that will not just take away the impurities in my body, but will take away the sickness and disease in it as well.

6. Seeing the results of scales and measurements no longer intimidates me.  Why?  Because I know that even if the numbers aren't that great, I can still choose to get back up and try it again.  I'm learning the definition of "determination", "hard work" (thanks Dolvett) and "persistence with passion".  Even on days where it feels horrible, I feel horrible and discouraged...I'm choosing to remember to cast it aside, lay it at the foot of the Cross, and get back up to listen to my Abba Father's voice above all else.


With all of that being said, I've come to the realization and reality of one thing:

I'm doing this for me.
I'm doing this for Jesus.
I'm doing this for my Abba Father.

No one else.
Nothing else.

I know my goal.  I know my focus.  I know the Truth.

And the Truth says I can do this.  Even when I stumble a bit, the Light shows me the path.  And I can choose which way I go: to stay down, stay discouraged, and quit and give up because it's too hard or it's too painful.  Or path #2, get back up, put the scale away, put my blinders on so I don't get distracted by anything but what's in front of me and what is up, dust myself off, and try again, and again, and even again if necessary.

hard work
determination
never give up

Isn't God good?! :)

With that being said, my prayer for you is this:

You realize who you are in Him, so you can get the strength needed and the understanding that YOU matter to Him, and so does the way you live and worship Him with your body.  Not only that, but that you would allow others to encourage you.  That He would give you the boldness to share your struggles, your victories and the times when you stumble around for just a bit...not so people can condemn or laugh at you, but so that He can begin to use others around you to encourage and motivate you.
That you would begin to realize just how much you are loved in ALL aspects of your life, no matter what you look like, what you sound like, what you weigh, or anything else.
That you would see weight-loss from His perspective: not for selfish or worldly ways and reasons of doing it, but instead, it is so you can learn to honor Him with your body, ALL of your body, not just portions or pieces.

With that, dear beloveds, have a wonderful and fantastic day.  It's time for me to get back to my schedule and go workout! :)

New goals--I can do ALL things through Christ! :0)

So, God has an awesome sense of humor.  As well as some seriously divine connections w/ people and places.  Through a friend, I was connected w/ a personal trainer.  Her name is Debbie.  And I had my first (impromptu) session w/ her...I went to see her in jeans and a t-shirt, not realizing she'd be working me out that same day! lol Needless to say, I was "glistening" (her word, not mine!...I just call it plain dripping sweat! lol).

I loved her on sight and felt immediately comfortable and encouraged.  She's also a believer.  And one thing she said to me that made me super excited, was that she'll be praying for me daily.  And I'm SOOOOOO excited about that!!  She stated this as she warmed me up and made me almost pant on the treadmill. haha

So, tonight w/ the encouragement of meeting a new goal, as well as reading a friend's post on Facebook on her making new goals for the new year regarding fitness, I sat down in front of the Hallmark Channel (hey, I did my workout already!  Can you say the same?!) and watched a sappy movie (I love the Hallmark Channel during Christmas!).  And wrote down my goals through April 30, 2012.  And I shall write them out here.

And I'm going to be as brutally honest as possible.  Ugh.  I hate numbers!

So, I'm starting this journey at 272 lbs.  I know, I know...most people say I don't look that big, but I am.  The scale says so, and so do the pant sizes.  But hey!!  I started this journey at a whopping 285 lbs, so that's a VAST improvement!!!!  Hard work DETERMINATION!!!!!!

My goals are broken down into these categories: jogging, walking, fellowship w/ exercise, cardio, meals/nutrition & weigh-in. (I won't be putting the weigh-in goals online)

By end of 1/31/12:
Jogging: 4 minutes total (doesn't have to be altogether, can be divied out throughout the walk--1 min walk, 1 min jog, 1 min walk, etc.)

Walking: 2 miles total (judged by Spectrum track)

Fellowship w/ exercise: 1 time a week w/ Naomi

Cardio: at least 20 minutes 5 times a week (the number of days is per Debbie)

Meals/Nutrition: 2 balanced meals/day; 1 protein shake/day; all vitamins/herbs taken; 2 T coconut oil/day; 1 serving of apple cider vinegar per day; 1 cup of green tea per day; 1 sweet per day; veggies w/ all meals


By end of 2/29/12:
Jogging: 4 1/2 min total

Walking: 2 1/2 miles total

Fellowship w/ Exercise: 1 time/week w/ Naomi; find someone to share the excitement w/

Cardio: at least 25 min 5x/week

Meals/Nutrition: 2 balanced meals per day, 1 snack a day; 1 protein shake per day and a handful of nuts; all vitamins/herbs taken; 2 1/2 T coconut oil/day; 2 servings of ACV/day; 1 cup of tea/day plus 1 cup of green tea in the a.m.; 1/2 sweet per day (3 oz dark choc); veggies w/ all meals, snack=veggie snack

By end of 3/31/12:
Jogging: 5 min total

Walking: 3 miles total

Fellowship w/ Exercise: 1 time/week w/ Naomi; pass on old clothes except 1 pair of jeans and 1 shirt

Cardio: at least 30 min 5x/week

Meals/Nutrition: 2 balanced meals/day, 2 snacks/day; 1 protein shake plus a handful of nuts; all vitamins/herbs taken; 3 T coconut oil taken; 2 servings of ACV plus some in protein shake; 1 cup of tea plus 1 cup green tea in a.m.; veggies=2 meals, both snacks veggie snacks

By end of 4/30/12:
Jogging: 5 1/2 min total

Walking: 3 1/2 mi total

Fellowship w/ Exercise: 2 times/week w/ Naomi (if she agrees)

Cardio: at least 20 min 6x/week

Meals/Nutrition: 3 balanced meals; 1 protein shake; 3 1/2 T coconut oil/day; 3 servings of ACV; 2 servings green tea; cup of fruit/day; veggies w/ all meals



So there you have it, in plain and simple writing!  Now it's time to finish watching my Hallmark movie, go to bed, and get up to workout!! :)

Accountability Contract Update :)

Accountability for Weight Loss

Weekly Exercise Goals

·         30 mins of moving/work out 3 times a week.  NO EXCUSES!!!

·         At least 1 time a week meet for exercise/fellowship

Monthly Nutritional Goals

·         Eat balanced meal (incorporate veggies and fruit) (AP#2: eat 1 balanced meal/day)

·         Strive for  3 meals and 2 snacks a day

·         Food Journal – application/journal

·         Daily vitamins

·         Limit sweets once a day (Alex & AP#2)

·         Limit soda to twice a week (AP#1)

·         Limit juice to once a day (AP#2)

Weigh Loss Goal

Starting Weight:

If I told you, I'd have to kill you. ;)

                Short Term Goal

·         Weigh only once weekly – notify each other!

·         .5-2.0 lbs per week

1^st Goal 4lbs by Dec 1

2^nd Goal 4lbs by Jan 1

3^rd Goal 6lbs by Feb 1

                Total loss: 14 lbs in 3 mths

Long Term – Final End Result

·         Alex: 135 lbs

·         AP#1: 150 lbs

·         AP#2: 140 lbs

Rules for breaking agreement

·         Extra workout- other person chooses weekly

·         $1.00 in jar for Nutritional portion weekly

·         If short term weight loss goal is not met, must pay difference of goals minus actual weight loss

Celebration for Weight Loss Goals

·         1^st goal- Starbucks/coffee (AP#2: go to the movies)

·         2^nd goal- Shopping trip

·         3^rd goal-Cook a new recipe 

Accountability

So, tonight I worked out with a friend...and we braved the wonders of...ACCOUNTABILITY (dun0dun-dun...I love the dramatic music in my head haha).

Our discussion lead to an accountability contract which I wanted to share with, well, whoever reads this.  And also to have it documented here for me to look back on as I journey throughout the years.

If anyone wants to join in, lemme know! :)  The more the merrier! :)

Accountability for Weight Loss

Weekly Exercise Goals

·         30 mins of moving/work out 3 times a week.  NO EXCUSES!!!

·         At least 1 time a week meet for exercise/fellowship

Monthly Nutritional Goals

·         Eat balanced meal (incorporate veggies and fruit)

·         Strive 3 meals and 2 snacks a day

·         Food Journal – application/journal

·         Daily vitamins

·         Limit sweets once a day (Alex)

·         Limit soda to twice a week 

Weigh Loss Goal

Starting Weight:

AG: you so know I'm not putting it out there. lol

                Short Term Goal

·         Weigh only once weekly – notify each other!

·         .5-2.0 lbs per week

1^st Goal 4lbs by Dec 1

2^nd Goal 4lbs by Jan 1

3^rd Goal 6lbs by Feb 1

                Total loss: 14 lbs in 3 mths

Long Term – Final End Result

·         Alex: 135 lbs

·         AP: 150 lbs

Rules for breaking agreement

·         Extra workout- other person chooses weekly

·         $1.00 in jar for Nutritional portion weekly

·         If short term weight loss goal is not met, must pay difference of goals minus actual weight loss

Celebration for Weight Loss Goals

·         1^st goal- Starbucks/coffee

·         2^nd goal- Shopping trip

·         3^rd goal-Cook a new recipe 

Visuals...

Before I started the journey-October 17, 2011

Where I'm at now-October 28, 2011 I can see slight differences...in the waist/tummy area, face...:)  So glad He made me visual and that I found the program to help me set up the visual.  Now just need to tape the print out on the cupboard for visual aid and help. :)

At my goal weight, estimated January 2013

Day Three...Happy happy joy joy!!!!

Ha!  Woke up this morning an hour and a half before my alarm clock, but got in a good 7-8 hours of sleep!  It's been lovely, going to bed before midnight.  I have discovered that now, within 10 minutes of my head hitting the pillow, I am out.  And it's wonderfully lovely! :)  Kiss that, insomnia! :)  (As you can tell, I'm a little bouncy this morning.)

I did wake up to discover that my obliques/sides/whatever you call that area of your body is sore.  And Pilates did that?!?!  I wasn't skeptical for a minute.  Interesting.  And I woke up seriously hungry, and now am getting a hunger headache.  I'm thinking it's time for breakfast!  YAY!!  Not at all excited to eat food.  What a great time to reflect and think and....eh, who am I kidding?!  I'm really really hungry. :)

Anywho, on today's schedule: workout DVD this morning (to Bob today...ugh stupid lunges), get ready for work, lunch meeting with IR & LL, run errands BEFORE lunch meeting, try to shut up the cats outside my window who are howling like mad, work, then hopefully, if all goes well and I don't have to stay late for work...workout #2 with NC today. :)

Adios, morning world!  Til later on today. :)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
No workout this evening.  I laid down...and that was the end of that.  All energy has left this building.  And I ate a crappy dinner.  Do I feel guilty?  Somewhat.  But then I remember that this isn't about denying myself and rules and such, but instead about learning how to balance everything IN MODERATION.  So, what am I gonna do next?

Go enjoy my almond milk cappuccino swirl and a tall glass of ice water and park myself in front of the TV and do no work, and relax, and go to bed by 10:30 midnight.
That, and probably have a good cry.  Stupid girl moments, especially when said moments are late, which causes havoc with the emotions.

So, all in all, a good day.  At least I worked out this morning.  Will possibly consider going walking tomorrow morning only 'cause I already did the DVD today, and Bob and I are good for another day or so (we're better off distant friends where we see each other every other day or so).  Either that or do Pilates again.  Had such fun with that!

And, can I say...I think I'm noticing a difference in the shape of the belly.  But it may just be me. lol  And my hopeful, optimistic, dear-Jesus-I-want-to-be-healthy way. :)

Oh!  And I added 3 accountability partners today with this.  For encouragement, hugs, compliments, pushes gentle nudges of grace, and overall throw me off a cliff and pray I make it cheerleaders. :)

Oh.  And did I mention...I left work early on time, and my boss congratulated me.  Yes, congratulated me.  Maybe my work time needs to become balanced once again...it used to be...oh well!  Readjustment time, I think.

Well, dear hearts!  Much love to you all, and I'ma headin' for the freezer!  YES!!!!!!!