If someone would have told me when I first started this, that I'd actually still be sticking w/ it 2 months later, I would've smiled politely and in my head thought, "you don't know me very well". Usually a few weeks into something this massive, I have the tendency to throw my hands in the air and give up. Which almost happened earlier this month.
Recent picture of me as of 1/13/13:
What I looked like before I started, October 2012:
Needless to say, I don't miss how heavy I was. I don't miss feeling like crap. I can finally see that I have a waist, and I don't mind wearing button-down shirts (I used to not wear them because I was too self-conscious about the way I looked in them, especially as I gained weight back). I can even see my arms/wrists are a tad smaller (which measurements have proved!).
This month was a rough month for me. It saw some great highs, and some serious lows. Went out of town, and didn't gain any weight...as a matter of fact, proved to myself that I didn't need the gym to find a good workout, also watched what I ate much more carefully. Then it saw the holiday seasons, which are always rough for me. BUT I only gained a pound during that time. (that in itself is a huge praise!)
And then January hit, and the depression started coming back up. And it didn't help that my TOM was late. So, here I was, a miserable sobbing mess, isolating myself, hiding out in my room, and just saying to myself, I give up. The scale hasn't moved, I've gained weight back, measurements are out of whack. SCREW IT ALL.
BUT, I didn't give up. I finally went to my roommate and broke down, and she prayed over me and my body. I also prayed over my hormones and emotions, and have been slowly re-reading the Battlefield of the Mind by Joyce Meyer (because that's where the biggest battle is for me in all of this). I've chosen to not give up. Especially as the day that I finally went back to the gym after a few days hiatus, and I met a woman who lost 150 pounds, w/ no products, diet plans, etc. Just watching what she ate and exercising. Which is how I want to do it.
I've come to the realization that my nature to be addicted to certain "things" does not make in conducive to allowing me to take products, supplements, etc. to help along this journey. I'd just abuse them, and my body. So, I'm choosing to do this in what most people call the hard way, but the way that I know will give HIM all the glory, and not products, diets, etc. (not that some of those are bad or wrong, but they're not right for me)
This round, I won the mental battle by getting back up again. It took me awhile, but I did it. I got back up, got back on that damn cross trainer, and beat my time. :) AND it just so happened that on that exact same day, my TOM started as my body began to realign itself to where it needs to be.
All that to say, the progress is slow. The scale can be discouraging, especially as I saw the numbers jump up, but then I see my measurements go down. I don't understand it, but hey. I'm learning to listen to my body, figure out what's best and right for me, as well as listen to the Holy Spirit tell me which direction I should go in this.
So, month 3 starts w/ less calories to eat, more determination, and a willingness to listen to where I'm supposed to be and go. I've been asking Him to give me a picture of what He wants me to look like after this, and what I'd like to look like, and mesh the two visions together. Probably because the vision of myself is skewed. I've decided that I'll be doing BOTM as my devotions for this month, to help realign and refocus where I need to be and where I want to go.
This next month (month 3) will also see a new session w/ my trainer. :) And some new victories that I can't wait to share at my 3 month progress report! :)
Recent picture of me as of 1/13/13:
What I looked like before I started, October 2012:
This month was a rough month for me. It saw some great highs, and some serious lows. Went out of town, and didn't gain any weight...as a matter of fact, proved to myself that I didn't need the gym to find a good workout, also watched what I ate much more carefully. Then it saw the holiday seasons, which are always rough for me. BUT I only gained a pound during that time. (that in itself is a huge praise!)
And then January hit, and the depression started coming back up. And it didn't help that my TOM was late. So, here I was, a miserable sobbing mess, isolating myself, hiding out in my room, and just saying to myself, I give up. The scale hasn't moved, I've gained weight back, measurements are out of whack. SCREW IT ALL.
BUT, I didn't give up. I finally went to my roommate and broke down, and she prayed over me and my body. I also prayed over my hormones and emotions, and have been slowly re-reading the Battlefield of the Mind by Joyce Meyer (because that's where the biggest battle is for me in all of this). I've chosen to not give up. Especially as the day that I finally went back to the gym after a few days hiatus, and I met a woman who lost 150 pounds, w/ no products, diet plans, etc. Just watching what she ate and exercising. Which is how I want to do it.
I've come to the realization that my nature to be addicted to certain "things" does not make in conducive to allowing me to take products, supplements, etc. to help along this journey. I'd just abuse them, and my body. So, I'm choosing to do this in what most people call the hard way, but the way that I know will give HIM all the glory, and not products, diets, etc. (not that some of those are bad or wrong, but they're not right for me)
This round, I won the mental battle by getting back up again. It took me awhile, but I did it. I got back up, got back on that damn cross trainer, and beat my time. :) AND it just so happened that on that exact same day, my TOM started as my body began to realign itself to where it needs to be.
All that to say, the progress is slow. The scale can be discouraging, especially as I saw the numbers jump up, but then I see my measurements go down. I don't understand it, but hey. I'm learning to listen to my body, figure out what's best and right for me, as well as listen to the Holy Spirit tell me which direction I should go in this.
So, month 3 starts w/ less calories to eat, more determination, and a willingness to listen to where I'm supposed to be and go. I've been asking Him to give me a picture of what He wants me to look like after this, and what I'd like to look like, and mesh the two visions together. Probably because the vision of myself is skewed. I've decided that I'll be doing BOTM as my devotions for this month, to help realign and refocus where I need to be and where I want to go.
This next month (month 3) will also see a new session w/ my trainer. :) And some new victories that I can't wait to share at my 3 month progress report! :)
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