7th Month Progress Report: 5-17-13 to 6-17-13

Ohmygolly can it get any crazier?!?!  Yes?  Please don't tell me how, thanks.  It's been crazy enough!

Okay...how to even recap this past month...

Honestly, I don't even know if I can.  So much has been going on in my life that it seems not only did this month fly by, but my sanity went with it. *waves good-bye to sanity*

Okay...trying to stay on the positive side:

NSVs

1. I am OFFICIALLY 25 lbs down!!!!!!  Less than 100 to go! WOOHOO!!

2. I went clothes shopping in my closet again. :)  It was lovely.  The pile of jeans that don't fit, or were given to me, is getting smaller.  My goodwill pile is getting larger. I have no complaints over this.  Except...I might need more closet space. lol  But this also means that I will be working on sewing projects almost all weekend, trying to turn my somewhat big jeans on me into capris to wear and get dirty in at all our field trips.

3. I once again went shopping at Old Navy...and can fit into an XL in workout pants.  Just the fact that I can now go shopping at Old Navy!!!!!!!!!!  (Remember, peeps, my bday is coming up! lol <---shameless hint)

4. I tried cardio bag (aka krav maga boxing lol) for the first time!  I actually went to a class!!!!  And I thoroughly enjoyed it.  I kicked my butt within 15 minutes, but I did ALL OF IT!!!  And it felt soooo good!!!

5. I actually have stuck with the trainer's plan...even though I wanted to increase the weights, because I like weights.  That's a huge victory.  But she also threatened to take the weights away if I didn't listen....so.....I listened. lol  (She increased my cardio, and decreased my weights...I was sad.  Very, very, VERY sad.)

6.  Speaking of trainer, I actually worked out alongside her.  And. she. killed. me. LOL  But I did the ab routine!!!  And now I'm gettin' pretty darn good at it, despite the pain soreness.

7.  Still eating healthy!  And have come to hate the way my body feels after eating unhealthy/junk food.  No bueno for me.  No bueno. (Thanks for letting me steal your phrase, Christine! lol)

8.  This has nothing to do w/ weight loss, but kinda does:  I am experiencing some amazing freedom in my life.  Confronting things.  Just...amazing.  And God is doing amazing things.

It's a short list this month, but I've gotta get ready to head back to work!
Here are some pics! :)

Oct 2012

June 2013...will add later...

Freedom, Determination & Strength

I love this picture a friend of mine took while I obviously wasn't looking.  While we talked,  the one thing he kept mentioning was the look of freedom on my face. And how I seem so different from the last time we saw each other.

Yesterday was a big milestone for me. My first ever obstacle race.  By myself.  With no one to rely on. Just my faith & I out on that 4.25-4.5mi stretch of sheer torture.  Having to push myself to keep going, but in turn having others encourage me along the way. Complete strangers mind you. That last mile stretch,  my tears were hidden in the mud as I realized something.  I started this journey with the need to cling to others,  needing so much.  But now, as my fitness partners are no more, I've learned to rely on the strength & faith He has given me. Feeling so alone these past 2 months, knowing that so many changes were coming...I took yesterday as a way...a way to prove to myself just how strong I am. Just how tough I am. But also to show myself that I don't need to rely on anyone but Him. HE is my strength.

And throughout every part yesterday,  as much as I wanted to quit & give up mile after mile, I told myself to keep going, keep pushing.  And with each mile that passed,  the more tired my body got, the more determined my spirit became. The more determined I was to finish this through.

And I did it. Injuries and all, I did it. And@ 1 point,  with no one around to cheer me on, I pushed myself even more. No other voices in my head except 1: "Beautiful Beloved".

At about mile 2 was when I began to hear all of the crap that was spoken over me, said & unsaid. The labels placed on me. And that's when I began to get angry. I began to speak out against those things,  & I will say part of what fueled me was my anger. Because I'm none of those things.  I. Am. Me.

Even now as tears stream down my face, I can hear that beloved voice so much more clearly.  And I can feel the weights of my past, my present and my future fall away.  Step by step.  Mile after mile. I knew I was never going back. It's too late for me.

So, what do I see in the mirror today? Someone who is absolutely beautiful.  She is tough,  strong & determined.  Her identity is found in her Beloved & not in others.  Her spirit was once broken,  but now free. She knows who she is & makes no apologies for it. She knows what she wants & is no longer afraid to go for it. She is smart,  a fighter, & walks with conviction & purpose.  She is passionate & loves to love.

Her name is Alex.
Welcome to the new me.

6 Months Progress Report: 4-17-13 to 5-17-13

SIX MONTHS BABY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Oh my golly!!  I can't believe it's been six months since this journey has started.  Half a year.  Almost to my birthday soon.  Half a year.  And man, has it been a battle!! Been I have made it this far, and for the most part, have kept it off!!  Hall-le-freakin-lujah!!

It's been six months of ups, downs, inside outs, and so much more.  This month has been the hardest of it all, I think.  So much has been going on, both physically, mentally and emotionally.  Needless to say, that means spiritually too.

From work schedule, to school schedule, to more work schedule, and then personal life happens, and so does the crap from it all.  All of that, and still able to lose 4.8 lbs this month.  And that's with inconsistent workouts due to all of the scheduling issues.

Man, is my God good!! :)

NSVs:

1. When I tried on jeans last month from my "new to me" side of the closet, they fit perfectly.  Now, they fit loose. :)

2.  My hips no longer touch the sides of the arc trainer.  AT ALL.  Period.  Nada.  No rub off!!  I've waited 6 long freakin' months to stop having friction burns on my hips! lol

3.  When I go grocery shopping, I now constantly look at the nutrition facts, and base my eating habits of buying stuff from reading labels, figuring out what foods are good for me, etc.  I plan my meals the same way.  That's been a HUGE change from even just a few months ago.  It has become 2nd nature to look at the label, and if it's not good for me, put it back.  I've even stopped buying sweets for the most part (minus the frozen yogurt from healthy choice! haha).  Actually, my sweet tooth has lessened considerably.  I tend to only have dessert if I go out w/ someone, and even then don't eat most of it.  I haven't been eating as much chocolate (except for yesterday....yesterday was a bad day and I needed my cocoa people!), and haven't been craving it as much either. :)  Ah, the changing of the taste buds!

4.  19.25" down since November 17, 2012. :)

5.  I'm lasting about 1.25 miles in my walk/jog intervals.  Last month was maybe a mile.  Maybe.  Usually between .8-.9 miles. :)

6.  My ankles look cute in my running shoes.  Yes, this is important to me. :) lol

7.  My head has shrunk.  Yay! :)  So has the fat around my neck.  Double yay!  Soon, no more double chin!!  Sa-weet!!!

8.  I'm learning to control my emotions through exercise, rather than through food.  This is a HUGE victory for me.  Some days are better than others, of course, but still.  To long for a run and not a burger or a giant candy bar....that is a complete 180 from where I was at.

And now, pictures I can be proud of, the further you go down! lol

Oct/Nov 2012:

Dec 2012:

January 2013:

February 2013:

March 2013:

April 2013:

May 2013:

I'll post a few more from the past month later. :)

And tomorrow, the big Biggest Loser RunWalk Off-Road Challenge.  Mud, running,obstacles.  Dude, I'm excited!!! :)

Until next month!

Oh...and I OFFICIALLY made it to my 20 lb mark, and have kept it off. :)  Now to my 30 lb mark baby!! :)

5 month progress....3-17 to 4-17 2013

Otherwise known as...the discouragement stage.

I know, I know.  Even the trainer says I'm too hard on myself.  But man.  This. month. SUCKED.

So many medical things happening.  Not being able to workout for  3 WEEKS.  Yes.  THREE WEEKS.  That was so hard.

And then trying to get back into it, after so long.  And to top it off, that's when the crazy busyness started at both jobs.  And school.  Did I forget to mention I now have to play catch-up with school work?!  Which means I don't really sleep right now.  Because I'm 3 weeks behind schedule on everything.  Well, make that 2 weeks behind schedule.  Maybe.

And I'm tired.  And some stupid man made a horribly rude comment to me this past weekend, which discouraged me even more.

So, I'm trying to find that place again.  And also trying to find my ankles under all the swelling...

Yeah.  Month 5 has been the roughest month yet.  I lost less than an inch in a month, and I gained 1.8 lbs this month.  So yeah.  I'm not happy.  And all I want to do is quit.  And complain.  And throw things.  And hide in my bed.  And actually sleep...

I want to quit, give up, throw my hands in the air, and just say screw it all!!!!!  I'M DONE WITH THIS CRAP!!

But I'm trying not to.  Trying to take one day at a time.  Heck, more like taking 15 minutes at a time.  No, if I'm truthful to myself, it's having to take one minute at a time.  Because I'm not doing well mentally, spiritually, emotionally and physically.  So, if you're a prayer warrior, prayers are so much appreciated right now.  Even as the tears fall, I know that I'm at the pivotal moment that can change my course.  And I'm trying to stay on course so badly. *sigh*

So, I'll try and look at some of the positives.  Notice the word try.

NSVs:

1. This past week, I ran 0.86 miles on the treadmill.  The farthest I've run on the treadmill!  And that was at a 5.0 pace.  I feel like I'll eventually get to my mile...hopefully by August.  That'd be nice.  But again...swollen ankles due to how much standing on my feet I've done...

2. This morning, I put on a pair of pants that didn't fit me last time I tried them.  Last month, I couldn't fully pull them up past my thighs.  Today, not only were they up all the way, I could get them zipped.  And buttoned.  Though I still have a muffin top in them.  But not enough to stop me from wearing them.  Only because all my other pants were dirty....due to work situations...

3.  I'm slowly finding new recipes that I've been enjoying eating.  As well as introducing more fruits into my eating habits.  YAAAAY.  I still don't like fruit, though...

4.  Though I haven't given up my chocolate, I'm finding that I don't really crave it all that much anymore.  I instead crave matzo w/ peanut butter and honey, or matzo w/ pb alternative....made from cookies...that is addicting...and yummy...and only 86 calories... :)

5.  I haven't given up.  Despite the intense desire to quit, I haven't given up.

6.  I can now wear a Large in shirts from Old Navy.  NOT an XXL.  :)  This.  This made me happy!!!

7.  When I did my run/walk intervals at the park, I went 2.12 miles in 36 minutes.  I've never gone that far before!!  Or that fast, that far! :)

8.  I signed up for the Biggest Loser Obstacle Course Challenge.  And whether anyone else goes w/ me or not, I'm going.  I don't care if it's by myself.  Some days, I kind of hope it is.  Why?  So I can prove to myself just how far I've come.  I need this motivation so badly right now.

9.  I no longer keep sweets in the house.  As a matter of fact, I've stopped buying them, period.  So my chocolate stash stays at work.  And I now log EVERY PIECE OF CHOCOLATE that enters my mouth.

10.  I've stopped shopping in the inner aisles of the grocery store for most of my things.  I now try and stick to the outside aisles unless absolutely necessary.  It's taken me almost a year to get to this point!  AND I stuck to my budget!! :)

With all of that being said, that does make me feel a bit better to see and read all of that.

No pictures this month.  I took them, but I really don't want to post them this time.  They're just sad...so maybe next month.

Peace out.

4 month progress...2-17 to 3-17-13

4 months people!!  I can't believe it's been 4 MONTHS!!!!  OMGollygeewhiz!!  And what a battle those months have been.  But I wouldn't change it or have it any other way.  These have been hard earned, and I will display every battle scar with pride!

I have lost a total of 17.6 lbs.  And as of 3/10/13, a total of 12.75+ inches.  :)

Here's a few pics of the progress:
                                                                            October 2012

                                                                      January 2013

                                                                      February 2013

                                                                      March 2013

It's proof I'm gettin' some AWESOME curves! lol  There are pics for Nov/Dec 2012, but, uh, you don't wanna see 'em.  I promise. :)

And today, today is the day I see how far/how long I can run.  I'm sticking with my half mile, as I still haven't hit a mile on the treadmill yet.  But I am excited to see if my endurance has changed. :)  This is my personal challenge to myself.  To become a runner.  Not because I like it, but because I want to prove to myself that I have the determination, dedication and desire to finish and pursue this journey to a new, healthier me.

And because I wanna have amazing legs like Desirree H. and Debbie G.  Hell, I'd just like thinner legs! lol  Oh hell.  Just gimme smaller thighs and I'll be happy! :)  I don't care about the thigh gap.  I'd just like not so many dimples! lol

NSVs:

1. Running on the treadmill...and looking good while doing it. I meant form, people, FORM!!! haha

2. Running .17 mi dist above where I was at last month. :)  Our (meaning trainer & I) goal is to get me to run 1 mile straight on the treadmill before I try to take it to the park.  And die.  A miserable, slow death.  And continue to work from there.  I enjoy running.  I'm getting to like running.  It's getting easier to run.  No, those are all lies.  I still don't like running.  And it's not getting easier.  It just gets harder.  Because I keep pushing myself.  So, I still don't like it.  But it's becoming therapeutic.  Running has allowed me to empty my mind of all the distractions and focus on one issue at a time.  As I pound the hell out of my fat.  You should totally see my fat jiggle. ;)

3. Doing the Run/Walk...and trying not to get freaked out and saying, SCREW IT ALL!  May is coming oh so close!!

4. Even on my worst weeks, I get up, dig in, and continue this journey.  Doesn't matter how much I work out, or how little.  What matters right now is that I'm choosing to get up, rather than staying down!!

5. Gaining confidence in who I am.  And slowly liking the way my body is now.  THIS...this is HUGE!!  I'm not where I need to be, or where I want to be, but it's lovely to FINALLY look in the mirror, and begin to say to myself, "I'm looking pretty good!", as I notice my brand new curves. :)

6. Clothing. sizes.  OMGollygeewhizz!!  It's so lovely to be able to see and note differences...and have others notice it as well.  More notice, people, more notice!! haha

7.  Spiritual differences.  I'm more focused on my faith, on Him, on how He's transforming my heart, soul, mind and spirit, than I am focused on a specific "program of weight loss". Which I have none.  Here's my program, calories in, calories out.  Eat healthy, in moderation and MOVE!!

A Note to Myself...3-3-13

Um, holy crud Fatwoman!!  It's becoming a reality.  You. are. losing. weight.

You don't know how.  Especially on week's when you don't work out, your eating has been crappy, and you feel like you put on all the weight you lost...  But it's happening.

So much, that you still step on the scale another 3 4 5 times just to verify that the number you saw was correct.  And you've been doing this for the past almost month.  So much so that you keep dancing for joy in the restroom every time you see your scale, rather than run and hide from it.

You're changing, Fatwoman!!  You no longer see the number on the scale as a disappointment, even when it may go up. You see it as a personal challenge to kick the scale in the ass, and shove it up lost fat's sun-no-shine area.

Matter of fact, Fatwoman, you're kicking ass.  You're own.  And I for one cannot be more proud of the changes that I've seen in you.  From letting more people in to your life, to being more open and honest on this journey.

You're no longer ashamed of who you are, but you are becoming proud of who He's creating you to be.  You can look in your kiddos eyes and see just how much they are proud of you, as you continue on this journey.  And this is where some of your strength comes in...showing them how to pursue a healthy life, so they in turn can live it to its fullest.

Fatwoman, you are slowly having to change your name to something else...like KickAssWoman, or SkinnyMini or....I don't know yet, but I promise I'll come up with something good.

I'm proud of you, woman!  I'm proud of how much you've accomplished, how far you've gone, and the willingness to continue this journey AND NOT GIVE UP.

You're doing it, woman!  And you're going strong, after 4 months, and continue on the lifestyle changes, EVEN WHEN YOU MESS UP.  What a difference this season is seeing.

And all I can say is,

Welcome back, fighter.
Welcome back, victor.
It's lovely to see you again.
You're slowly being healed from the inside out.
You're looking your abusers in the face in your mind's eye and telling them they no longer have power over you.
You're no longer walking in fear, but are slowly turning that fear into the faith to walk into the unseen realms He has for you, in EVERY area of your life.
You're no longer allowing your body to dictate who you are.  You're allowing Him, and your heart, to dictate who you will be.

I'm proud of you, woman!  I'm so, so, so proud of you.

And finally, I can say, what an honor it is to have you as part of my life.

Love,

Yourself :)

3 Month Progress: 1-17-13 to 2-17-13

3 MONTHS BABY!!!!  Dude & dudettes, I still can't quite believe I've made it to 3 months (okay, technically I'm shy of it by 2 days, but I'm gonna be busy this weekend, so needed to get this outta the way!).  Not only that, but this past month has seen some of my biggest & greatest victories so far.

Oh, lemme list 'em for ya!  I LOVE lists.  They make me happy.  And organized.  And happy!

1. Ran 1/2 a mile in 7 min and some-odd seconds.

2. Ran laps around the school gym...for fun...during recess.  Yes, for fun.  Who the hell am I?!? lol  This fat girl is learning to like to...jog.  I'm not ready for the "r" word yet. :)

3. Hit my TEN POUNDS LOST goal @ 268.8. :)

4. Started Interval training on all cardio machines (except treadmill), and am FINALLY on Level 2 on Arc Trainer (AT) and Cross Trainer (CT).

5.  My weight routine is getting so much better!!

8. Ab Coaster: went from no weights added, to 20 lbs added, to now 25 lbs added.

9. Back Extension (NOT the machine): went from using body weight, to now adding a 10 lb weight. :)

10. Ab X: went from doing 45 crunches/sit-ups/whatever you call 'em to 70...and adding extra just for fun. :)

11.  On the Assisted Dip, went from 20 Assisted Pounds, to 18 Assisted Pounds. :)

12. Went from an XL/XXL to a L/XL, depending on the shirt.  And, on some occasions, a M. :)

13.  Started pants size 24 to now a size 20, comfortably. :)

14. My belt used to be notched at the 11th hole, sometimes the 12th....now at 15-16. :)

15.  Down 5.4375 inches since 11-17-12.  (It would've been more, but I only measured waist, hips, thigh and arms then.  My bad...)

16.  From the previous month, down a total of 3.1875 inches (measuring neck, arm, chest, forearm, wrist, waist, hips, thigh, knee, calf, ankle).

17.  The biggest one of all: I THREW AWAY CHOCOLATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Yes, you read me right, my friends.  Me, the chocoholic....I threw away almost all of the chocolate that was given to me.  :)  Or I gave it away to skinny people. :)

As of today, I am now weighing in at 266.6, which is a 12.2 pound weight loss so far.  I WILL TAKE IT!! :)

Now, for the battles:

1. Struggling w/ emotional eating, and losing.

2.  Fighting the desire to quit...daily...but this is also a MAJOR victory.  Because I'm fighting it, rather than giving in!!

3.  Fighting the voices in my mind that bring on fear.

And since I haven't taken recent pictures of me, you all will have to suffer with these:

January 17, 2013.  My size 22 wk pants on me

February 15, 2013.  My size 22 wk pants on me

And my waist is slowly turning into an hour-glass figure. :)

Jan 2013

Feb 2013

And lastly, the ULTIMATE in knowing you are on the right track to lookin' hot on the southside: when all the cholos go, "DAMN!!  You can lift that much?!"

Yeah, this fat girl can lift that much.  Get over it.  I'm eventually gonna lift more than you one day.  Now pick up your baggy a** pants! :)

See you all in one month! :)

P.S.  If anyone wants to do a 5K race w/ me in April, lemme know, and I'll send you over the info!!  $15/person until March 28th!!! :)