Oh my beautiful, wonderful stars!! :)

So, today was an incredibly amazing day.  Why?  Not because something spectacular happened (because it didn't).  Not because of a special occasion (other than Papa T's bday, which of course is special!).  But because I got to just...do fun stuff. :)  I mean, I do fun stuff frequently.  But today, I went DRESS shopping.  Yes, that's right.  Dress shopping.

If you know me well, you kinda know what a big deal this is for me.  I maybe buy one dress.  Once a year.  Usually around my birthday so I can have an excuse to dress up.  (Probably one of the only, rarest of times, I dress up completely, make-up, hair and all.)  Not only did I buy a dress, but it was in a lower size (yippee for workouts!) than previously owned/bought dresses. :)  And it has a belt. (which are my least favorite things in the world)

That being said, I even BOUGHT JEWELRY.  Yes.  That's right.  AND my little earrings (clip-on since I can't actually wear earrings...)

AND I busted out the 4 inch heels.  (I know...everyone should be gasping by now. haha)

That being said...I paraded around the house in my heels.  Why?  Uh, 'cause those things are miserably uncomfortable, and I hate wearing heels, and I wanted to practice on 'em.  (I know...I'm such a nerd.  But you all love me anyway!)

Anywho...I just felt like dressing up for tomorrow evening.  So, I'm gonna do it.  I am even going to try out a new hairdo.

Which got me to thinking.  'Cause I had forgotten about this...

Now, officially, 1 more day before June 12th.  It's a little weird, thinking about it.  Was talking to the roomie...it's just...weird.  I mean, that means that I'm free to have romance in the life, if He brings it that way.

Just...weird! haha  Not in a bad way, but more like...that hasn't really been what I've been dwelling on for the past year.  I've been focused on healing, freedom, deliverance...sitting before Him, learning His heart, His likes, dislikes...understanding Him as a lover, a friend, my husband, my all in all.

And dressing up, well, playing practice dress-up, reminded me of how much I want to please Him so.  As I was walking, practicing the hairdo, etc., all I kept hearing was that He said I'm beautiful. :)  Which made me giddy like a school girl! haha  And that the outward is showing what's going on in the inward parts.  Freedom.  Healing.  Deliverance.

Little by little, the pieces of the things that have tied me down, burdened, placed so much heaviness and strife...are falling away.  It doesn't mean life is easier.  It just means that I'm understanding how to walk in freedom.

Some days are better than others.  But I'm learning how to battle.  How to fight.  How to become the woman who He has created, and loved on.  I'm learning that what others see in me, isn't just them being nice, but is the truth.  The lies are falling away, and the truth is becoming unveiled, piece by piece.

And the great thing is...all I want to do now is dance, and jump, and laugh, and play, and rejoice, and run free.

Which is probably why I've been dancing so much lately. Even in the car.  (I get the most oddest looks sometimes...even had a guy staring at me from his rearview mirror...which I just waved to him, actually.)  It's been SOOOOO amazing to be free.  Truly free.  The puzzle pieces have been coming together.  There's no confusion.  So strife.

There's just a learning how, step by step, to walk out this freedom.  And a daily reminder to not pick up what was left behind, flung off, and thrown aside.

With that being said, 1 more day.  But a lifetime of loving my Abba, my Lord, my Husband, the Lover of me. :)  Can't wait!!!!!! :)

8 days and counting...

...til what, you might ask.  Glad you asked, by the way! :)

8 days until the exact date (June 12, 2010) that I committed a year to sit before the Lord.  8 days (well, technically now 7, but I don't count it that way since I've yet to go to bed).  It's been a very bittersweet journey this past year.
This year saw me through counseling, familial separation, friendship separation/parting, deliverance, healings, new friendships, healing of old friendships, new ministerial settings, and so much more.  This year also brought me to new heights and depths spiritually, emotionally, mentally and physically.
To think...where I was last year at this time, to where He has placed me/taken me to this year.  What a journey! Like I said, bittersweet.

Truth be told...

I can't believe it's been almost a year.  I was writing my letter to my darling future man (yeah, call me a sap, so what?!), and reflecting on this journey.  And how much has taken place.  And that in just two months, I'll be 28. And not only that, but just how much life can happen in one year.

One of the things, though, on a more serious note regarding heart matters, is that the verse, "Do not awaken love before its time." keeps marching through my head.  So, I've been sitting, reflecting, reading, praying, on what that means.  What that looks like.  And at times, I can be quite impatient to want to awaken that love, in my own timing, my own way.  Wondering who's out there, who He has for me.  But this year has been setting that aside, laying that desire at the cross and at His feet, in order to see past all of that, to the heart of the matter: His love for me.

And oh my what a love!  Today, I actually did a bit of girlie shopping and browsing.  (If you know me, you know I'm not a shopper by heart or nature.)  I tried on clothes.  And even bought a piece of jewelry (*gasp*).  Then, I came back home, and got SOOOO excited! haha  I was praying as I was trying to figure out what to wear tomorrow to church, and I was telling Him that I just wanted to look pretty and feminine and beautiful while I worshiped Him.  Why?  Not to attract a man.  But because that's how He sees me.  Tonight, as I sat looking in my closet and battling those ugly voices saying things against the Word, tonight, I instead heard the One voice that mattered, and told me how beautiful and amazing I am.  How much He enjoys me.  And how much He's been enjoying our time together.  Ending, today, a 3 day fast, by celebrating His absolute love for me.

I guess what I'm trying to say is...that tonight, I FELT beautiful.  I FELT His smile, and caress, and love for me.  And what's inside my heart.  And tonight, we talked like lovers...what I was going to wear tomorrow, what my day was like, what I longed for, what I missed out on, and just listening to Him talk back to me, telling me the things He's done, like give me extra sweet sleep, allowing me to relax and rest in Him, just listening Him whisper His wonders as I read the Word, sit in prayer, meditate in His gloriousness. :)

Looking back...this year as been a year of growing intimacy.  More of Him.  Less of me.  A year that I can't believe as been, at times, furiously fast-paced, and unbearingly slow.

8 days and counting, and the year of "no romance" is up.  8 days.  And the one thing most that I've realized...I like not dwelling on guys, or marriage, or romance, or dating.  I like that my heart/mind/time haven't been divided in that way.  But instead, I was able to sit more before His throne.  But it also showed me that I want to continue in that.  I want to continue walking in Him, being that close to Him.  And that having a relationship won't change that, when/if the time comes for that. But instead, it will enhance it, grow my relationship with the Lord, as we seek Him together.

And in that, I'm learning not to be afraid of marriage, or romance, or relationships.  But instead to embrace whatever He may bring my way, be it singleness, a relationship/courtship, or marriage.  Either way, I'm looking forward to another journey.  And to seeing words fulfilled. :)

8 days and counting, my friends! :)

My heart...and all that's coming out of it....

This weekend, I've been writing a letter.  It's taken me a few days to write it.  To most, it probably seems weird, even insignificant, that I'm writing out this letter.
It's a letter to a man I've yet to meet.

I guess I should backtrack a bit.  Back to November 2005.  A time in my life that was hard, but I was learning who I was becoming in Him.  Not many months after that I went through my first deliverance session.  I was praying one night, aching, being a girl, longing for something I thought was missing.  When I heard the Lord whisper to me to start writing letters.  Letters to my future husband.  I must admit, I thought He was a little...ummm...nuts, shall we say. :)  But the more I thought about it, the more my heart grew excited.

So, November 12, 2005 I wrote my first letter.  I have no idea what I wrote, as I sealed it in an envelope.  Later on, I created a box to place all of my handwritten notes.  The box is kinda overflowing now, but that's okay.

This weekend, I finished yet another letter to the dear man I've yet to meet.  Then, as I do every time I put a letter in my box, I started going through them.

Only this time was different.  I had finished my letter just sitting in worship to Him, praying, crying out to Him, seeking His peace, pouring my heart out into this letter.

When I started looking at the letters, I began to realize...

...that these letters was a testimony to my relationship with my Abba Father.  The Lover of my Soul.  The One who loves me most, best, forever.  And I couldn't stop crying and laughing at the same time.  And hugging the letters to my heart.  And crying some more.  Even now, tears are pouring out.

As I realize that the letter writing was a balm to my heart.  A testimony to myself of how far I have come.  Of how far He has taken me, and is taking me.  Of how much He loves me.  As I see the notes that are written on the envelopes, I see a love song to my Savior, my Lover, my friend.  These letters no longer are just about a man who may or may not be in my distant future, or even current future.  But instead, these letters have become a relationship of love, gratitude, honor and praise to my King, my Lover.

And I have finally begun to understand...

I've made Him my Lover.  My all.  My everything.  I can't see anything but Him, and His utter absolute love for me.  Every time my eyes try to stray, all I see is Him, and He bring me back to Him, time and time again. I look at Him now, not just as a Savior, or even not just as a Friend, but instead, as my Lover.  My true Lover.  As in my heart, the desire for something else has been replaced with a desire for Him.

Will I ever meet the number two (aka husband)?  I don't know.  I don't even know if I have met this man.  But my heart doesn't care anymore right now.  One phrase keeps coming up, that I'm pretty sure I'll need to look up...the balm of Gilead.

All this to say...day by day, hour by hour...He is healing my heart.  This journey has not been easy.  Heck, it's been tough year after year, day after day.  And there have been times where I've given up, let go, turned my back, walked away.  But always, always, always, has He been there, holding me, cherishing me.  Like a lover waiting, beckoning, longing for the one whose heart they hold...so He's been waiting, longing, holding, and cherishing me.

And this time, this time, I'm listening.  Truly listening.
And my heart whispers to Him,
"I want to dance with You."

Weight loss journey: Lesson learned

Okay, so this week has NOT been a good week in the dept of food.  Or exercise.  My last day of exercise was on Saturday morning, until tonight.

Not only that, but food...yeah, hasn't been very good either.

So today, of all days, even knowing that I'll be working out tonight...I went to the dark side and had chocolate.  Lots and lots of chocolate.  And pie.  And Chinese food.  And more pie.  And....well, you get the picture.  And I knew that when that weigh-in starts, if I do end up losing weight, it's by the sheer grace of God, as this week as been HORRIFIC with the general, healthy lifestyle.

So, what lesson did I learn today?  To not eat 30 minutes before a workout. haha  Felt like crap the whole entire workout.  My heart was pounding miserably out of my chest.  I was ready to die and give up.  And was feeling overly nauseous and about ready to toss the cookies, chocolate, pie, and Chinese food out of my tummy.  (Luckily that didn't happen.)

And once again I'm trying to attempt to get back on track.  Worked out tonight.  Working out tomorrow night.  And generally praying that the Lord/Holy Spirit will help me to say no to the horrible cravings of constant food intake, to once again going back to what I was doing...especially since I felt so much better than what I do tonight!

So, lesson learned.  When I fall, get right back up, and keep going.  I may have to take it at a slower pace since I kinda let loose for a bit, but as soon as I know it, I'll be back on track, and ready for more. :)

Last night's Dinner and a Movie Recipes :)

So, I thought I'd share the recipes Naomi, Michelle and I worked on last night. :)

Turkey Bacon & Green Onion Potato Skins
4 Idaho potatoes
1 T EVOO
salt and freshly ground black pepper (we skipped out on the salt in the mixture, due to salt in bacon/cheese)
6 strips turkey bacon
1/2 cup reduced-fat sour cream (we used fat free)
chicken stock, warm, as needed (we didn't have to use any)
2 scallions, thinly sliced, plus more for garnish if you like
1 c. shredded cheddar cheese (we used the fat-free version)

Preheat oven to 425 degrees.

Scrub the potatoes of any excess dirt and prick them each several times w/ a fork.  Place them on a baking sheet, drizzle EVOO and season w/ salt and pepper, tossing lightly to coat.

Bake in the oven until tender, about 45-60 min depending on the size of the potato.  Remove the baked potatoes from the oven and let cool enough to handle.

While the potatoes are cooling, place a medium-size skillet over medium-high heat with 1 turn of the pan of EVOO, about 1 T.  Cook the turkey bacon until crispy golden brown and cooked through, about 3 minutes per side.  Transfer the cooked bacon to a paper towel-lined plate to drain off any excess grease and cool.  Chop up the cooled bacon and reserve in a medium-size mixing bowl.

Once the potatoes are cool enough to handle, cut each one in half lengthwise and scoop the insides out into the same mixing bowl as the bacon, leaving a thin layer of flesh still intact.  Be sure not to pierce the skin of the potato.

Add the reduced-fat sour cream, scallions and about 1/2 cup of cheddar to the bowl and mash everything up (add a little bit of the chicken stock to the mash if it's too dry).  Season the filling with salt and freshly ground black pepper and scoop the filling back into the hollowed out potato shells, dividing it evenly between all eight.

Place the potato skins back onto a baking sheet and sprinkle the cheese over each of them.  Place them back into the oven to melt the cheese, 1-2 minutes.  Sprinkle some more scallions over each one, if you like, and serve them up with your favorite salad alongside.


Sesame Shrimp Stir-Fry
2 cups water
1 cup uncooked white rice (we used brown instead)
1 pound medium shrimp, peeled and deveined (we used extra large, which worked out perfect...they still had their tails on, though.  We also used chicken.)
1/4 tsp ground ginger
1/4 tsp cayenne pepper (we used less, as Naomi doesn't do spicy)
1 clove garlic, minced
1 T sesame seeds
1/4 tsp ground black pepper
2 T sesame oil (just a warning...if you've never used it, it's quite...pungent)
1 red bell pepper, sliced into thin strips
3 green onions, sliced
3 T teriyaki sauce
1/2 lb sugar snap peas (didn't use, 'cause couldn't find them, and don't really like them)
1/8 cup cornstarch
3/4 cup chicken stock
1/4 tsp salt

In a medium saucepan, bring salted water to a boil.  Add rice, reduce heat, cover and simmer for 20 min. (brown rice--abt. 40 min)

While rice is simmering, combine shrimp, ginger, cayenne pepper, garlic, sesame seeds and black pepper in a large plastic food storage bag (you can add the cooked chicken now, to blend all flavors).  Allow to marinate in the refrigerator.

Heat sesame oil in a large wok or skillet (we used a pot).  Add red bell pepper and green onions; saute 3-4 minutes to soften slightly.  Add teriyaki sauce.  Add peas and shrimp with seasoning, saute 4 min or until shrimp are opaque.

Stir cornstarch into chicken broth and add to wok; cook, stirring until mixture boils.  Sprinkle w/ salt (we didn't add the extra salt).  Spoon shrimp mixture over rice.


Chocolate-Laced Kiwifruit with Orange Sauce
1/2 cup plan or vanilla yogurt (we used vanilla, as it'll be a sweeter taste)
1 T frozen orange juice concentrate, partially thawed (we used regular OJ)
4 large kiwifruit, peeled and cut into 1/4-inch slices
2 T semisweet chocolate chips
1 tsp shortening
(for the chocolate sauce, we cheated and used Hershey's Dark Chocolate syrup as a substitute, rather than creating even more dirty dishes haha)

Mix yogurt and juice concentrate.  Spoon 2 T yogurt mixture onto each of 4 dessert plates.  Arrange 1 sliced kiwifruit on yogurt mixture on each plate.

Heat chocolate chips and shortening over low heat, stirring constantly, until chocolate is melted.  Drizzle chocolate over kiwifruit.  (Quick tip: substitute chocolate-flavored syrup for the chocolate chips and shortening)

Weight loss journey: Milestone 2, 3 & 4

Today was a good day at work.  Got quite a bit accomplished, despite having staff out what seems like left and right this whole entire week.  AND, it's a 3 day weekend for me!  woohoo  Thanks, work, for taking Battle of the Flowers off.  You rock! :)

But I must admit...I came home, and SO did not want to workout.  I lacked energy and the motivation to do it.  So, I texted several of my accountability people, who then encouraged me (some way more than others lol).

And what did I do?  Called NC to see if she'd come over and just help motivate/encourage me to workout, though she wasn't able to herself as her leg was hurting her.  And thanks, NC, for pushing me!!

Did my workout.  And pushed myself pretty hard.  Discovered that I can do the modified plank (elbows and knees on floor) for a full 60 seconds, then some. :) hhhheeeeee
I then decided to push myself a little harder and see if I could attempt the medium plank (elbows on floor).  Didn't do so well.  But was able to do it WITHOUT MY BACK HURTING!!!  Last time I tried them, couldn't do it as it was putting a lot of stress/strain in my back.  So, that was cool!!!
And finally, I had realized that I really wasn't feeling the wall push-ups affecting the muscles too much (though they still did), so I attempted the girl push-ups.  I was able to do them!!!!!  I can only do about 5 at a time without resting, but hey, that's a start!!!!

So, all in all, hit 3 milestones today.  And I celebrated. :)  UBER EXCITED!!! haha

Can't wait to keep pushing myself.  I think this was what I needed to help keep me motivated.  I love these small, baby step goals.  Every time I look at them, and accomplish one of them, it makes my heart happy, and it pushes me to press on for the prize...a life of healthiness. :)

Now, it's time to relax and enjoy my 3 day weekend.  Tomorrow (Friday), NO workouts are planned.  It is my complete rest day from all things work. :)  Saturday morning, it's the evil day workout.  I'm gettin' kinda excited about it! haha :)

Til next time! :)  Oh, and in one week, I'm down 3 lbs! woohoo!  Go God!!! :)

Weight loss journey: Milestone 1

Today, I hit a mile stone in the planks. :) They're still modified (on elbow and knees), but I held it STRAIGHT for 40 seconds WITHOUT FALLING!! woohoo!!  Most definitely pushed myself!!  And what a great feeling that has been!

Tried to do it on elbows, no knees, but my back started hurting.  So, that will eventually be a new milestone to push towards. :)  Right now, it's 60 seconds without falling. :)

Also, I did jumping jacks for 40 seconds straight without having to modify.  My legs were killing me, but I did it!  Yay!

I love that my workout buddies push me, as well as force me to keep going when I want to quit on my sets and not finish. :)  Originally, this weight loss journey was started because I wanted to just "look good".  Now, it's about showing myself that I can do things I never thought I could.  To press through.  As Cara said this season on The Biggest Loser, to stay in the fight, until the fight is over and finished, and the fat lady sings (courtesy of Justin haha).

So, I'm happy with my baby steps.  I just want to keep reminding myself to press further, push harder, and to NEVER GIVE UP.  As Lynn told me, "I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength." Phil 4:13 :)

Let's see what else this body can do!

Oh, and I calculated week 1 exercise:

6 days worked out

295 minutes total

3,737 calories burned. :)