Okay, so this week has NOT been a good week in the dept of food. Or exercise. My last day of exercise was on Saturday morning, until tonight.
Not only that, but food...yeah, hasn't been very good either.
So today, of all days, even knowing that I'll be working out tonight...I went to the dark side and had chocolate. Lots and lots of chocolate. And pie. And Chinese food. And more pie. And....well, you get the picture. And I knew that when that weigh-in starts, if I do end up losing weight, it's by the sheer grace of God, as this week as been HORRIFIC with the general, healthy lifestyle.
So, what lesson did I learn today? To not eat 30 minutes before a workout. haha Felt like crap the whole entire workout. My heart was pounding miserably out of my chest. I was ready to die and give up. And was feeling overly nauseous and about ready to toss the cookies, chocolate, pie, and Chinese food out of my tummy. (Luckily that didn't happen.)
And once again I'm trying to attempt to get back on track. Worked out tonight. Working out tomorrow night. And generally praying that the Lord/Holy Spirit will help me to say no to the horrible cravings of constant food intake, to once again going back to what I was doing...especially since I felt so much better than what I do tonight!
So, lesson learned. When I fall, get right back up, and keep going. I may have to take it at a slower pace since I kinda let loose for a bit, but as soon as I know it, I'll be back on track, and ready for more. :)
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
Sunday, April 17, 2011
Last night's Dinner and a Movie Recipes :)
So, I thought I'd share the recipes Naomi, Michelle and I worked on last night. :)
Turkey Bacon & Green Onion Potato Skins
4 Idaho potatoes
1 T EVOO
salt and freshly ground black pepper (we skipped out on the salt in the mixture, due to salt in bacon/cheese)
6 strips turkey bacon
1/2 cup reduced-fat sour cream (we used fat free)
chicken stock, warm, as needed (we didn't have to use any)
2 scallions, thinly sliced, plus more for garnish if you like
1 c. shredded cheddar cheese (we used the fat-free version)
Preheat oven to 425 degrees.
Scrub the potatoes of any excess dirt and prick them each several times w/ a fork. Place them on a baking sheet, drizzle EVOO and season w/ salt and pepper, tossing lightly to coat.
Bake in the oven until tender, about 45-60 min depending on the size of the potato. Remove the baked potatoes from the oven and let cool enough to handle.
While the potatoes are cooling, place a medium-size skillet over medium-high heat with 1 turn of the pan of EVOO, about 1 T. Cook the turkey bacon until crispy golden brown and cooked through, about 3 minutes per side. Transfer the cooked bacon to a paper towel-lined plate to drain off any excess grease and cool. Chop up the cooled bacon and reserve in a medium-size mixing bowl.
Once the potatoes are cool enough to handle, cut each one in half lengthwise and scoop the insides out into the same mixing bowl as the bacon, leaving a thin layer of flesh still intact. Be sure not to pierce the skin of the potato.
Add the reduced-fat sour cream, scallions and about 1/2 cup of cheddar to the bowl and mash everything up (add a little bit of the chicken stock to the mash if it's too dry). Season the filling with salt and freshly ground black pepper and scoop the filling back into the hollowed out potato shells, dividing it evenly between all eight.
Place the potato skins back onto a baking sheet and sprinkle the cheese over each of them. Place them back into the oven to melt the cheese, 1-2 minutes. Sprinkle some more scallions over each one, if you like, and serve them up with your favorite salad alongside.
Sesame Shrimp Stir-Fry
2 cups water
1 cup uncooked white rice (we used brown instead)
1 pound medium shrimp, peeled and deveined (we used extra large, which worked out perfect...they still had their tails on, though. We also used chicken.)
1/4 tsp ground ginger
1/4 tsp cayenne pepper (we used less, as Naomi doesn't do spicy)
1 clove garlic, minced
1 T sesame seeds
1/4 tsp ground black pepper
2 T sesame oil (just a warning...if you've never used it, it's quite...pungent)
1 red bell pepper, sliced into thin strips
3 green onions, sliced
3 T teriyaki sauce
1/2 lb sugar snap peas (didn't use, 'cause couldn't find them, and don't really like them)
1/8 cup cornstarch
3/4 cup chicken stock
1/4 tsp salt
In a medium saucepan, bring salted water to a boil. Add rice, reduce heat, cover and simmer for 20 min. (brown rice--abt. 40 min)
While rice is simmering, combine shrimp, ginger, cayenne pepper, garlic, sesame seeds and black pepper in a large plastic food storage bag (you can add the cooked chicken now, to blend all flavors). Allow to marinate in the refrigerator.
Heat sesame oil in a large wok or skillet (we used a pot). Add red bell pepper and green onions; saute 3-4 minutes to soften slightly. Add teriyaki sauce. Add peas and shrimp with seasoning, saute 4 min or until shrimp are opaque.
Stir cornstarch into chicken broth and add to wok; cook, stirring until mixture boils. Sprinkle w/ salt (we didn't add the extra salt). Spoon shrimp mixture over rice.
Chocolate-Laced Kiwifruit with Orange Sauce
1/2 cup plan or vanilla yogurt (we used vanilla, as it'll be a sweeter taste)
1 T frozen orange juice concentrate, partially thawed (we used regular OJ)
4 large kiwifruit, peeled and cut into 1/4-inch slices
2 T semisweet chocolate chips
1 tsp shortening
(for the chocolate sauce, we cheated and used Hershey's Dark Chocolate syrup as a substitute, rather than creating even more dirty dishes haha)
Mix yogurt and juice concentrate. Spoon 2 T yogurt mixture onto each of 4 dessert plates. Arrange 1 sliced kiwifruit on yogurt mixture on each plate.
Heat chocolate chips and shortening over low heat, stirring constantly, until chocolate is melted. Drizzle chocolate over kiwifruit. (Quick tip: substitute chocolate-flavored syrup for the chocolate chips and shortening)
Turkey Bacon & Green Onion Potato Skins
4 Idaho potatoes
1 T EVOO
salt and freshly ground black pepper (we skipped out on the salt in the mixture, due to salt in bacon/cheese)
6 strips turkey bacon
1/2 cup reduced-fat sour cream (we used fat free)
chicken stock, warm, as needed (we didn't have to use any)
2 scallions, thinly sliced, plus more for garnish if you like
1 c. shredded cheddar cheese (we used the fat-free version)
Preheat oven to 425 degrees.
Scrub the potatoes of any excess dirt and prick them each several times w/ a fork. Place them on a baking sheet, drizzle EVOO and season w/ salt and pepper, tossing lightly to coat.
Bake in the oven until tender, about 45-60 min depending on the size of the potato. Remove the baked potatoes from the oven and let cool enough to handle.
While the potatoes are cooling, place a medium-size skillet over medium-high heat with 1 turn of the pan of EVOO, about 1 T. Cook the turkey bacon until crispy golden brown and cooked through, about 3 minutes per side. Transfer the cooked bacon to a paper towel-lined plate to drain off any excess grease and cool. Chop up the cooled bacon and reserve in a medium-size mixing bowl.
Once the potatoes are cool enough to handle, cut each one in half lengthwise and scoop the insides out into the same mixing bowl as the bacon, leaving a thin layer of flesh still intact. Be sure not to pierce the skin of the potato.
Add the reduced-fat sour cream, scallions and about 1/2 cup of cheddar to the bowl and mash everything up (add a little bit of the chicken stock to the mash if it's too dry). Season the filling with salt and freshly ground black pepper and scoop the filling back into the hollowed out potato shells, dividing it evenly between all eight.
Place the potato skins back onto a baking sheet and sprinkle the cheese over each of them. Place them back into the oven to melt the cheese, 1-2 minutes. Sprinkle some more scallions over each one, if you like, and serve them up with your favorite salad alongside.
Sesame Shrimp Stir-Fry
2 cups water
1 cup uncooked white rice (we used brown instead)
1 pound medium shrimp, peeled and deveined (we used extra large, which worked out perfect...they still had their tails on, though. We also used chicken.)
1/4 tsp ground ginger
1/4 tsp cayenne pepper (we used less, as Naomi doesn't do spicy)
1 clove garlic, minced
1 T sesame seeds
1/4 tsp ground black pepper
2 T sesame oil (just a warning...if you've never used it, it's quite...pungent)
1 red bell pepper, sliced into thin strips
3 green onions, sliced
3 T teriyaki sauce
1/2 lb sugar snap peas (didn't use, 'cause couldn't find them, and don't really like them)
1/8 cup cornstarch
3/4 cup chicken stock
1/4 tsp salt
In a medium saucepan, bring salted water to a boil. Add rice, reduce heat, cover and simmer for 20 min. (brown rice--abt. 40 min)
While rice is simmering, combine shrimp, ginger, cayenne pepper, garlic, sesame seeds and black pepper in a large plastic food storage bag (you can add the cooked chicken now, to blend all flavors). Allow to marinate in the refrigerator.
Heat sesame oil in a large wok or skillet (we used a pot). Add red bell pepper and green onions; saute 3-4 minutes to soften slightly. Add teriyaki sauce. Add peas and shrimp with seasoning, saute 4 min or until shrimp are opaque.
Stir cornstarch into chicken broth and add to wok; cook, stirring until mixture boils. Sprinkle w/ salt (we didn't add the extra salt). Spoon shrimp mixture over rice.
Chocolate-Laced Kiwifruit with Orange Sauce
1/2 cup plan or vanilla yogurt (we used vanilla, as it'll be a sweeter taste)
1 T frozen orange juice concentrate, partially thawed (we used regular OJ)
4 large kiwifruit, peeled and cut into 1/4-inch slices
2 T semisweet chocolate chips
1 tsp shortening
(for the chocolate sauce, we cheated and used Hershey's Dark Chocolate syrup as a substitute, rather than creating even more dirty dishes haha)
Mix yogurt and juice concentrate. Spoon 2 T yogurt mixture onto each of 4 dessert plates. Arrange 1 sliced kiwifruit on yogurt mixture on each plate.
Heat chocolate chips and shortening over low heat, stirring constantly, until chocolate is melted. Drizzle chocolate over kiwifruit. (Quick tip: substitute chocolate-flavored syrup for the chocolate chips and shortening)
Thursday, April 14, 2011
Weight loss journey: Milestone 2, 3 & 4
Today was a good day at work. Got quite a bit accomplished, despite having staff out what seems like left and right this whole entire week. AND, it's a 3 day weekend for me! woohoo Thanks, work, for taking Battle of the Flowers off. You rock! :)
But I must admit...I came home, and SO did not want to workout. I lacked energy and the motivation to do it. So, I texted several of my accountability people, who then encouraged me (some way more than others lol).
And what did I do? Called NC to see if she'd come over and just help motivate/encourage me to workout, though she wasn't able to herself as her leg was hurting her. And thanks, NC, for pushing me!!
Did my workout. And pushed myself pretty hard. Discovered that I can do the modified plank (elbows and knees on floor) for a full 60 seconds, then some. :) hhhheeeeee
I then decided to push myself a little harder and see if I could attempt the medium plank (elbows on floor). Didn't do so well. But was able to do it WITHOUT MY BACK HURTING!!! Last time I tried them, couldn't do it as it was putting a lot of stress/strain in my back. So, that was cool!!!
And finally, I had realized that I really wasn't feeling the wall push-ups affecting the muscles too much (though they still did), so I attempted the girl push-ups. I was able to do them!!!!! I can only do about 5 at a time without resting, but hey, that's a start!!!!
So, all in all, hit 3 milestones today. And I celebrated. :) UBER EXCITED!!! haha
Can't wait to keep pushing myself. I think this was what I needed to help keep me motivated. I love these small, baby step goals. Every time I look at them, and accomplish one of them, it makes my heart happy, and it pushes me to press on for the prize...a life of healthiness. :)
Now, it's time to relax and enjoy my 3 day weekend. Tomorrow (Friday), NO workouts are planned. It is my complete rest day from all things work. :) Saturday morning, it's the evil day workout. I'm gettin' kinda excited about it! haha :)
Til next time! :) Oh, and in one week, I'm down 3 lbs! woohoo! Go God!!! :)
But I must admit...I came home, and SO did not want to workout. I lacked energy and the motivation to do it. So, I texted several of my accountability people, who then encouraged me (some way more than others lol).
And what did I do? Called NC to see if she'd come over and just help motivate/encourage me to workout, though she wasn't able to herself as her leg was hurting her. And thanks, NC, for pushing me!!
Did my workout. And pushed myself pretty hard. Discovered that I can do the modified plank (elbows and knees on floor) for a full 60 seconds, then some. :) hhhheeeeee
I then decided to push myself a little harder and see if I could attempt the medium plank (elbows on floor). Didn't do so well. But was able to do it WITHOUT MY BACK HURTING!!! Last time I tried them, couldn't do it as it was putting a lot of stress/strain in my back. So, that was cool!!!
And finally, I had realized that I really wasn't feeling the wall push-ups affecting the muscles too much (though they still did), so I attempted the girl push-ups. I was able to do them!!!!! I can only do about 5 at a time without resting, but hey, that's a start!!!!
So, all in all, hit 3 milestones today. And I celebrated. :) UBER EXCITED!!! haha
Can't wait to keep pushing myself. I think this was what I needed to help keep me motivated. I love these small, baby step goals. Every time I look at them, and accomplish one of them, it makes my heart happy, and it pushes me to press on for the prize...a life of healthiness. :)
Now, it's time to relax and enjoy my 3 day weekend. Tomorrow (Friday), NO workouts are planned. It is my complete rest day from all things work. :) Saturday morning, it's the evil day workout. I'm gettin' kinda excited about it! haha :)
Til next time! :) Oh, and in one week, I'm down 3 lbs! woohoo! Go God!!! :)
Monday, April 11, 2011
Weight loss journey: Milestone 1
Today, I hit a mile stone in the planks. :) They're still modified (on elbow and knees), but I held it STRAIGHT for 40 seconds WITHOUT FALLING!! woohoo!! Most definitely pushed myself!! And what a great feeling that has been!
Tried to do it on elbows, no knees, but my back started hurting. So, that will eventually be a new milestone to push towards. :) Right now, it's 60 seconds without falling. :)
Also, I did jumping jacks for 40 seconds straight without having to modify. My legs were killing me, but I did it! Yay!
I love that my workout buddies push me, as well as force me to keep going when I want to quit on my sets and not finish. :) Originally, this weight loss journey was started because I wanted to just "look good". Now, it's about showing myself that I can do things I never thought I could. To press through. As Cara said this season on The Biggest Loser, to stay in the fight, until the fight is over and finished, and the fat lady sings (courtesy of Justin haha).
So, I'm happy with my baby steps. I just want to keep reminding myself to press further, push harder, and to NEVER GIVE UP. As Lynn told me, "I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength." Phil 4:13 :)
Let's see what else this body can do!
Oh, and I calculated week 1 exercise:
6 days worked out
295 minutes total
3,737 calories burned. :)
Thursday, April 7, 2011
I've stopped keeping track of days....lol
Stupid soreness. There. MUCH better. So, day before yesterday, did 45 minutes of calisthenics (squats, planks, lunges, push-ups...), and OH DEAR GOD my body is sore. Places I haven't felt, in, like, 2 years.
Anywho....life.
It's been rough. My mood has been crappy. Feel angry quite a bit, actually, and don't quite know how to go about releasing it, so for now I just continue to workout, go walking, dance in my room. But I know that it's affecting me spiritually. Yes, God and I have talked about it. And I know it's okay to allow emotions. I'm just having a tough time remembering to not keep it in, and to release it. Which, some days are better than others. Yes, yes they are. But then days like yesterday just bring it aaaaalllllllll back again. I mean, I almost broke down and sobbed while my boss was on the phone with me. I was trying really, really hard not to cry. Mostly because I was just completely and utterly frustrated with the situation there, and just...yeah.
So, last night, after coming back from walking, I was digging around the tv networks for something to watch. And once again I'm watching the biggest loser. And I've joined The Biggest Loser League. A little scary. Keeping track of everything. It's hard. I hate food journals. With a passion. I just want to throw the notebook away. But then I inputted everything for my BMI...*sigh* Just got pissed off at myself...as I heard on the show last night..."I'm tired of being that fat person." Yes, I've accepted who I am, and how I've gotten this way, and why. But now, now I want healing. Now I want to be healthy, not for cosmetic reasons, but because I know that being healthy makes ME happy, gives me joy, and I love love LOVE when I push my body to the limits knowing that I'm having fun along the way.
So, I have workout buddy number 2 now. :) Little by little we are creating our biggest loser house. :) We are determined, and have agreed to push ourselves to what we can do. And I'm now accountable to these 2 amazingly awesome ladies. And...I'm praying that He surrounds me with encouragement, and with more workout buddies and friends to do this journey alongside me. As I know that for me, this is what I need the most. I'm the chick who likes to run a race with people lined up, who I know, cheering me on.
So...if you wanna join our biggest loser house, come on in. Even if you're not overweight, but just want to tone up, or start getting healthy and doing cardio. Come on in. You're more than welcome. :)
Saturday, March 26, 2011
Day Five and Six...Fun Times; Reflection
I know...you were probably expecting me to write something really long. But I'm tired, and have to get up super early tomorrow. Night world. I'll type you out tomorrow. :)
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Yesterday was GREAT fun! It was an overall good day at work. Played a new game with my 5th graders, which the 3 3rd graders in my class yesterday beat them all (it was a vocab game called Blurt! lol). Went to FireStarters where Marc Treiber preached an awesome message. My favorite line..."drop the drama and put on the armor of God." So good! :) Then after that, Fellowship Night. Went past midnight. :) Then a group of us just hung out, talked, laughed, danced...lol It was great. Finally got home past 2 this morning. :) Overall, everything was a success. I'm seriously looking forward to doing more of the Fellowship Nights. I loved seeing everyone just enjoy themselves, have fun, fellowship with everyone...what amazing awesomeness. :) Made my heart ecstatically happy. :)
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Today, Saturday....oh my word! lol Woke up horribly groggy, as I didn't want to get up. But I did. Naomi and I met Tim at Eisenhower park and we hiked for about 2 hours. Lemme tell you...lol It was seriously TOUGH!! But I did enjoy myself. lol Afterwards, Naomi and I went to Chick-Fil-A and got us some nuggets (they're under 350 calories, so there!) and water. :)
Now, working on Staycation stuff. That's right. For those who know what a Staycation is, one is in the works!! I'm super excited about all of this!! I have fun doing things like this....the planning, organizing, running things. Makes my heart happy. Although even with this I have to learn balance, and how to manage stress. But also, one thing I think He's trying to teach me with this...is how to speak out and have my own voice. That I'm not a wallflower. He's created me to do good works for Him and His Kingdom, and in those good works, my heart's desire is to praise Him, love Him, glorify Him. So I have to remember that at times when everything in me just wants to scream 'cause there's so much going on...who am I trying to glorify here? Myself, or my Jesus? I hope and pray it's my Jesus. :)
Other than that, it's been, so far, a beautifully gorgeous day. There may be another workout today, but probably not. Oh, and you know what?! On my little calorie counter, cross-country hiking (which is what we did today)...burned 1521 calories for 2 hours. :) That's a little less than what I'm allowed to eat in one day!!!!!!! I think I'll be okay if I skip workout #2! lol
Til tonight, my tiny little world! :)
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So, I was sitting here working on stuff (I think that's my favorite phrase right now...I say it at work a lot too! haha), and just going over some conversations I had recently, including last night. And I realized some things. 1) I get interrupted a lot, and the person I'm talking to kinda forgets that we were in a conversation and walks away, or starts a new one. And just now realizing that that hurts just a bit sometimes, depending on the conversation. At one point, I found myself saying, "it's okay; it didn't matter anyway." when it really, really did. So, I keep quiet a lot, 'cause I think that what I have to say, no one really cares, or that it doesn't matter what I have to say. And, as I can feel my eyes watering up...yeah, that's not okay. 2) I found this thought popped into my head this afternoon..."I will always put someone else's needs, desires, and wants above my own. I'm not as important. I'm okay with doing the work, cleaning, running things if everybody else is happy and fellowshipping. Besides, no one even notices anyway." And wow...ummm...I don't know how to take that, or what to think, or make of it. Except that I think a part of my heart still needs to be healed from some things (not unusual in this season)...but I think it's starting to bother me a lot more...this wallflower thing...because I'm not made to be a wallflower. I like when people stop and say thanks, or give me a hug, or do something without me asking them to do it. It's the small things that count, and I think we, in our busyness (as I include myself in this too!) forget that. Which confuses me...as my love language I think has changed. lol A meshing of three different worlds: words of affirmation, quality time and acts of service. I've been one for so long, that though it's not my primary receiving love language, it's become intertwined. And I know I don't do things for the recognition, as I cringe. But I do like thank yous. I feel like a walking contradiction sometimes! haha
So, in my world right now...I don't really know a lot...things have been turned upside down, shaken, stirred, chopped, butchered, massacred...*sigh* This whole thing is nuts and tough and hard. And sometimes I find myself really wanting to quit, as this one question keeps popping up, "Who am I?" Who have You created me to be? Everything has changed. EVERYTHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I can't stress that enough. My world has been torn apart, blasted to pieces, crumbled to the ground, and bull-dozed over. Now...now...I don't know. Some things are just...BLEGH!
There...that's a bit better for my heart now that I could just write everything out...
I'm still in this awkward moment season right now. And I just want to scream and scream and scream. But that's not a bad thing. :) It means I'm changing and growing. I just wish I knew where He was headed in all of this. It would make my life so much easier. :)
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Dear random day today,
You had your moments. I had mine. I won. And brought you over to the dark side for some cookies and milk.
I just wanted to let you know...I won. I beat you, random day. I got one thing accomplished, well 2 if you count my workout. And you...you just continued your merry little way.
Now, now I can sit back, watch movies, and possibly stay up WAY later than I'm supposed to. Why? Because I can. And because I'm waiting for my next movie to finish loading. To which I will probably fall asleep 30 minutes into it after a nice, tall, cool glass of water.
Yes, random day, I enjoyed you. I even busted out the fan that spins just so that I could continue to enjoy you, rather than wake up drenched in sweat for the, like, 5th night in a row. Yes, I know God created me warm-blooded...occasionally wish I could not be so...uh...warm.
Yes, random day. You were good to me. Thoughts were jotted, people called, facebook stalked...
Thanks, random day, for everything. You are MUCH appreciated. Remind me to hug you.
Sincerely,
random day counter
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Yesterday was GREAT fun! It was an overall good day at work. Played a new game with my 5th graders, which the 3 3rd graders in my class yesterday beat them all (it was a vocab game called Blurt! lol). Went to FireStarters where Marc Treiber preached an awesome message. My favorite line..."drop the drama and put on the armor of God." So good! :) Then after that, Fellowship Night. Went past midnight. :) Then a group of us just hung out, talked, laughed, danced...lol It was great. Finally got home past 2 this morning. :) Overall, everything was a success. I'm seriously looking forward to doing more of the Fellowship Nights. I loved seeing everyone just enjoy themselves, have fun, fellowship with everyone...what amazing awesomeness. :) Made my heart ecstatically happy. :)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Today, Saturday....oh my word! lol Woke up horribly groggy, as I didn't want to get up. But I did. Naomi and I met Tim at Eisenhower park and we hiked for about 2 hours. Lemme tell you...lol It was seriously TOUGH!! But I did enjoy myself. lol Afterwards, Naomi and I went to Chick-Fil-A and got us some nuggets (they're under 350 calories, so there!) and water. :)
Now, working on Staycation stuff. That's right. For those who know what a Staycation is, one is in the works!! I'm super excited about all of this!! I have fun doing things like this....the planning, organizing, running things. Makes my heart happy. Although even with this I have to learn balance, and how to manage stress. But also, one thing I think He's trying to teach me with this...is how to speak out and have my own voice. That I'm not a wallflower. He's created me to do good works for Him and His Kingdom, and in those good works, my heart's desire is to praise Him, love Him, glorify Him. So I have to remember that at times when everything in me just wants to scream 'cause there's so much going on...who am I trying to glorify here? Myself, or my Jesus? I hope and pray it's my Jesus. :)
Other than that, it's been, so far, a beautifully gorgeous day. There may be another workout today, but probably not. Oh, and you know what?! On my little calorie counter, cross-country hiking (which is what we did today)...burned 1521 calories for 2 hours. :) That's a little less than what I'm allowed to eat in one day!!!!!!! I think I'll be okay if I skip workout #2! lol
Til tonight, my tiny little world! :)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
So, I was sitting here working on stuff (I think that's my favorite phrase right now...I say it at work a lot too! haha), and just going over some conversations I had recently, including last night. And I realized some things. 1) I get interrupted a lot, and the person I'm talking to kinda forgets that we were in a conversation and walks away, or starts a new one. And just now realizing that that hurts just a bit sometimes, depending on the conversation. At one point, I found myself saying, "it's okay; it didn't matter anyway." when it really, really did. So, I keep quiet a lot, 'cause I think that what I have to say, no one really cares, or that it doesn't matter what I have to say. And, as I can feel my eyes watering up...yeah, that's not okay. 2) I found this thought popped into my head this afternoon..."I will always put someone else's needs, desires, and wants above my own. I'm not as important. I'm okay with doing the work, cleaning, running things if everybody else is happy and fellowshipping. Besides, no one even notices anyway." And wow...ummm...I don't know how to take that, or what to think, or make of it. Except that I think a part of my heart still needs to be healed from some things (not unusual in this season)...but I think it's starting to bother me a lot more...this wallflower thing...because I'm not made to be a wallflower. I like when people stop and say thanks, or give me a hug, or do something without me asking them to do it. It's the small things that count, and I think we, in our busyness (as I include myself in this too!) forget that. Which confuses me...as my love language I think has changed. lol A meshing of three different worlds: words of affirmation, quality time and acts of service. I've been one for so long, that though it's not my primary receiving love language, it's become intertwined. And I know I don't do things for the recognition, as I cringe. But I do like thank yous. I feel like a walking contradiction sometimes! haha
So, in my world right now...I don't really know a lot...things have been turned upside down, shaken, stirred, chopped, butchered, massacred...*sigh* This whole thing is nuts and tough and hard. And sometimes I find myself really wanting to quit, as this one question keeps popping up, "Who am I?" Who have You created me to be? Everything has changed. EVERYTHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I can't stress that enough. My world has been torn apart, blasted to pieces, crumbled to the ground, and bull-dozed over. Now...now...I don't know. Some things are just...BLEGH!
There...that's a bit better for my heart now that I could just write everything out...
I'm still in this awkward moment season right now. And I just want to scream and scream and scream. But that's not a bad thing. :) It means I'm changing and growing. I just wish I knew where He was headed in all of this. It would make my life so much easier. :)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dear random day today,
You had your moments. I had mine. I won. And brought you over to the dark side for some cookies and milk.
I just wanted to let you know...I won. I beat you, random day. I got one thing accomplished, well 2 if you count my workout. And you...you just continued your merry little way.
Now, now I can sit back, watch movies, and possibly stay up WAY later than I'm supposed to. Why? Because I can. And because I'm waiting for my next movie to finish loading. To which I will probably fall asleep 30 minutes into it after a nice, tall, cool glass of water.
Yes, random day, I enjoyed you. I even busted out the fan that spins just so that I could continue to enjoy you, rather than wake up drenched in sweat for the, like, 5th night in a row. Yes, I know God created me warm-blooded...occasionally wish I could not be so...uh...warm.
Yes, random day. You were good to me. Thoughts were jotted, people called, facebook stalked...
Thanks, random day, for everything. You are MUCH appreciated. Remind me to hug you.
Sincerely,
random day counter
Thursday, March 24, 2011
Day Four...Reality as I know it.
It's a sad morning when one wakes up with cramps. Stupid girl moments. Blegh.
But on a good note, didn't wake up as sore. My abs/obliques are a little funky still, but for the most part, good. Although I couldn't sleep last night. Kept tossing and turning and waking up. Probably cause I felt miserable with stupid girl moments, and back pain from said girl moments. BLEGH
Today, I decided that I'm not going to workout. Unless it's a simple, enjoyable walk for fun, not for exercise. I decided that I wanted my body to just rest...especially after 3 days of "intense" (for me) workouts. I'm so okay with this. Now if I could just get rid of wanting tons of junk food cravings, I'd be great! lol Right now, McDonald's sounds good. Mmmmm....maybe I'll go for a grilled chicken sandwich, no mayo, and apple slices for the side instead of fries...wonder if I can do that...oh, and a nice tall ice water drink!!!!!!! I'm hungry. :) haha
Let's see...what else...Girl Scouts is tonight. After a season of not being in Girl Scouts, I've realized I've missed it. A lot. I love these girls, and being able to try new things with them, and be excited with and for them. I mean, that's where I learned how to canoe, do archery, climb a rock wall, mountain bike, sell cookies, be in charge of large groups....haha They were a constant challenge and joy. So, to help 2 teacher friends of mine, I've gone back to assisting with their troop, but NOT being the leader (which is fun for me, 'cause it's WAY LESS responsibility! haha). I'm just in charge of putting the activities together for all 3 levels (did I mention it's a multi-level troop, so we have between 20-25 girls coming, from Kinder-5th grade?), and helping where needed. :) This, I can do! haha This is my stress reliever from work, when I just need to breathe, set work aside for a few minutes, and then dive right back in. It's what I did yesterday at work. And it totally relieved some of the frazzledness of it all. :)
So, today, I'm gonna stop at McDonald's and grab some food, then I'm going to go to the Girl Scout Council and run some errands there, then head to work where my big boss is possibly coming in to our campus and observing/evaluating things. I'm feeling much better about all of this...possibly with the help of sleep, Midol, and knowing that it's my choice how I react. And I'm praying for balance.
Oh, and on a somewhat sad note, I just realized I haven't done my Bible Study for the day...Hmmm...I'll probably take it to work with me, get there 30 minutes early, and just sit at my desk and do it. That sounds like a plan to me! :)
Until later, my tiny world! :)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
:) It's been a good day. Grabbed lunch/dinner from Panda Express (thank God for coupons!! Especially since I had forgotten to pack a dinner as Girl Scouts was tonight, so this is my REALLY long night). Went to work early, then decided that since I didn't have to clock-in yet, I wasn't going to work on actually work stuff, so I just worked on Girl Scout stuff (which totally made for easier day today!). It was peaceful at work, very calming (which my boss noted at our end-of-day conversation, whereby he said, "I knew it was a good day. Your voice was very calm when you said, "I'm getting work done." when I had called you."...maybe I need to take the hint. lol). Got a lot accomplished today. :)
Had Girl Scouts tonight. The ladies (girls) had fun. Was a bit hectic me going from Brownies to Juniors and back again tonight, helping 2 different levels with separate projects...but again, the girls had a blast. Taught them a new song. The Daisies were/are jealous. But I will admit. Don't really like working with 'em...probably 'cause I don't necessarily have the patience for them, which is why the other leader works with 'em. :)
Umm...what else?? Oh yeah. Came back to the office, and my boss was in. He complimented me today, which made me happy. What would make me happier? Starbucks! lol Mmmm....white chocolate mocha frap w/ choc chips, soy milk, no whip cream. :) Oh, the happiness and sheer joy of the thought! :) Or getting paid to go to the other campus and show/teach how a traditional meeting is run. That'd be extremely cool!! haha
Stayed at work til a little after ten, when I walked out with another teacher. (yay!) Came home, talked with Michelle a bit, laughed a bit...
And didn't workout. And totally didn't feel bad about it. :) Yay. And my body is no longer sore, or throwing me dizzy spells. Double yay! Think it had to do with the whole girl thing. Midols, I love you! :)
Anywho...tomorrow, back to morning workout (DVD again, or Pilates?! Hmmm...shall think about this tomorrow morning), eating breakfast, making my smoothie for lunch. And then....FIRESTARTERS!!! Yay! :) Although I'm just realizing that I forgot to do my Bible Study today (left the book at home). Which means I'm doing double tomorrow. Oh well! Just more time in the Word. AND...I'm going to try not to go in early tomorrow. :) Hoping to once again balance it all out, especially as I'll be taking home a work project to get it done before our training Monday evening.
Oh yeah! AND I'm going hiking on Saturday morning with NC. Super excited!! :)
K. Think that's all of it. Night world! Time for a movie,a cookie and some sleep! :)
But on a good note, didn't wake up as sore. My abs/obliques are a little funky still, but for the most part, good. Although I couldn't sleep last night. Kept tossing and turning and waking up. Probably cause I felt miserable with stupid girl moments, and back pain from said girl moments. BLEGH
Today, I decided that I'm not going to workout. Unless it's a simple, enjoyable walk for fun, not for exercise. I decided that I wanted my body to just rest...especially after 3 days of "intense" (for me) workouts. I'm so okay with this. Now if I could just get rid of wanting tons of junk food cravings, I'd be great! lol Right now, McDonald's sounds good. Mmmmm....maybe I'll go for a grilled chicken sandwich, no mayo, and apple slices for the side instead of fries...wonder if I can do that...oh, and a nice tall ice water drink!!!!!!! I'm hungry. :) haha
Let's see...what else...Girl Scouts is tonight. After a season of not being in Girl Scouts, I've realized I've missed it. A lot. I love these girls, and being able to try new things with them, and be excited with and for them. I mean, that's where I learned how to canoe, do archery, climb a rock wall, mountain bike, sell cookies, be in charge of large groups....haha They were a constant challenge and joy. So, to help 2 teacher friends of mine, I've gone back to assisting with their troop, but NOT being the leader (which is fun for me, 'cause it's WAY LESS responsibility! haha). I'm just in charge of putting the activities together for all 3 levels (did I mention it's a multi-level troop, so we have between 20-25 girls coming, from Kinder-5th grade?), and helping where needed. :) This, I can do! haha This is my stress reliever from work, when I just need to breathe, set work aside for a few minutes, and then dive right back in. It's what I did yesterday at work. And it totally relieved some of the frazzledness of it all. :)
So, today, I'm gonna stop at McDonald's and grab some food, then I'm going to go to the Girl Scout Council and run some errands there, then head to work where my big boss is possibly coming in to our campus and observing/evaluating things. I'm feeling much better about all of this...possibly with the help of sleep, Midol, and knowing that it's my choice how I react. And I'm praying for balance.
Oh, and on a somewhat sad note, I just realized I haven't done my Bible Study for the day...Hmmm...I'll probably take it to work with me, get there 30 minutes early, and just sit at my desk and do it. That sounds like a plan to me! :)
Until later, my tiny world! :)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
:) It's been a good day. Grabbed lunch/dinner from Panda Express (thank God for coupons!! Especially since I had forgotten to pack a dinner as Girl Scouts was tonight, so this is my REALLY long night). Went to work early, then decided that since I didn't have to clock-in yet, I wasn't going to work on actually work stuff, so I just worked on Girl Scout stuff (which totally made for easier day today!). It was peaceful at work, very calming (which my boss noted at our end-of-day conversation, whereby he said, "I knew it was a good day. Your voice was very calm when you said, "I'm getting work done." when I had called you."...maybe I need to take the hint. lol). Got a lot accomplished today. :)
Had Girl Scouts tonight. The ladies (girls) had fun. Was a bit hectic me going from Brownies to Juniors and back again tonight, helping 2 different levels with separate projects...but again, the girls had a blast. Taught them a new song. The Daisies were/are jealous. But I will admit. Don't really like working with 'em...probably 'cause I don't necessarily have the patience for them, which is why the other leader works with 'em. :)
Umm...what else?? Oh yeah. Came back to the office, and my boss was in. He complimented me today, which made me happy. What would make me happier? Starbucks! lol Mmmm....white chocolate mocha frap w/ choc chips, soy milk, no whip cream. :) Oh, the happiness and sheer joy of the thought! :) Or getting paid to go to the other campus and show/teach how a traditional meeting is run. That'd be extremely cool!! haha
Stayed at work til a little after ten, when I walked out with another teacher. (yay!) Came home, talked with Michelle a bit, laughed a bit...
And didn't workout. And totally didn't feel bad about it. :) Yay. And my body is no longer sore, or throwing me dizzy spells. Double yay! Think it had to do with the whole girl thing. Midols, I love you! :)
Anywho...tomorrow, back to morning workout (DVD again, or Pilates?! Hmmm...shall think about this tomorrow morning), eating breakfast, making my smoothie for lunch. And then....FIRESTARTERS!!! Yay! :) Although I'm just realizing that I forgot to do my Bible Study today (left the book at home). Which means I'm doing double tomorrow. Oh well! Just more time in the Word. AND...I'm going to try not to go in early tomorrow. :) Hoping to once again balance it all out, especially as I'll be taking home a work project to get it done before our training Monday evening.
Oh yeah! AND I'm going hiking on Saturday morning with NC. Super excited!! :)
K. Think that's all of it. Night world! Time for a movie,
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