Stupid soreness. There. MUCH better. So, day before yesterday, did 45 minutes of calisthenics (squats, planks, lunges, push-ups...), and OH DEAR GOD my body is sore. Places I haven't felt, in, like, 2 years.
Anywho....life.
It's been rough. My mood has been crappy. Feel angry quite a bit, actually, and don't quite know how to go about releasing it, so for now I just continue to workout, go walking, dance in my room. But I know that it's affecting me spiritually. Yes, God and I have talked about it. And I know it's okay to allow emotions. I'm just having a tough time remembering to not keep it in, and to release it. Which, some days are better than others. Yes, yes they are. But then days like yesterday just bring it aaaaalllllllll back again. I mean, I almost broke down and sobbed while my boss was on the phone with me. I was trying really, really hard not to cry. Mostly because I was just completely and utterly frustrated with the situation there, and just...yeah.
So, last night, after coming back from walking, I was digging around the tv networks for something to watch. And once again I'm watching the biggest loser. And I've joined The Biggest Loser League. A little scary. Keeping track of everything. It's hard. I hate food journals. With a passion. I just want to throw the notebook away. But then I inputted everything for my BMI...*sigh* Just got pissed off at myself...as I heard on the show last night..."I'm tired of being that fat person." Yes, I've accepted who I am, and how I've gotten this way, and why. But now, now I want healing. Now I want to be healthy, not for cosmetic reasons, but because I know that being healthy makes ME happy, gives me joy, and I love love LOVE when I push my body to the limits knowing that I'm having fun along the way.
So, I have workout buddy number 2 now. :) Little by little we are creating our biggest loser house. :) We are determined, and have agreed to push ourselves to what we can do. And I'm now accountable to these 2 amazingly awesome ladies. And...I'm praying that He surrounds me with encouragement, and with more workout buddies and friends to do this journey alongside me. As I know that for me, this is what I need the most. I'm the chick who likes to run a race with people lined up, who I know, cheering me on.
So...if you wanna join our biggest loser house, come on in. Even if you're not overweight, but just want to tone up, or start getting healthy and doing cardio. Come on in. You're more than welcome. :)
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