Seriously?!?....6-26-13

Okay...so this is all verbal vomit.  I apologize now.  I sincerely do.  But if you don't want to read on, don't.  Fair warning...words won't be nearly as pretty this time 'round.

Sooo....

Getting a contact text message, and other contact stuff, from a previous person from my past...Yeah, not so much.  Yeah.  You know.  The same person who attempted marriage proposal through text.  The same person who...okay...I really really really need to just leave it at that.

Guy, what in the world were you thinking?!  I've moved on.  It doesn't include you.  I'd apologize for that, but frankly, I don't feel the necessity to.

I dealt with the fall-out from you.  And my gosh was there fall-out from you.  And I didn't even realize it til AFTER I dealt with it.  The emotional manipulation.  The...wanting to control, to trying to make you the center of my universe.  Yeah.  No.  Oh hell no.  Sooooo not happening.  Sorry.  I already had one man in my life try and do that.  I'm not about to willingly enter into another one.  I refuse to allow myself to be abused once again.  NOT HAPPENING.

And yes.  I am royally pissed.  Pissed at the enemy.  Pissed at this man who thinks it's okay, after months, to just waltz back into my life and pick up as if nothing ever happened.

No. freakin'. way.

I refuse.

Just...AAAARRRRGGGGGHHHHHH.  So, my response to this:  (copied directly from my text message, minus a few details like names, etc.)

"Alex!??"

"Hello..."

"Ru alex???"

"Yes...I'm sorry.  Who is this?"  (okay...in my defense...stupid now I realize...since all of my parents from work have my number, I never know when I'll be contacted for my primary job...it's happened this late before, especially if there are...special circumstances...with my kiddos)

" (insert man's name here)"

"Ohhh.  Okay."  (I may be wordy, but what the heck do you expect me to say, when I had no clue and you freakin' came out of the woodworks like a cockroach.  SERIOUSLY?!?!?!)

"Wow not the response I hoped for..."  (Again, WHAT DO YOU EXPECT?!?!??!?!??!?!  I take back my original statement from fb.  Boys are weird.  Now, I know there are exceptions, like EF, and DM, and BT, and...okay, you get the point.  But still.  Did you expect me to jump for joy and be yippee!! ?!?!  Um, no thank you.)

"...I don't know how to respond.  Except to be as truthful as possible.  It's been a really long time since I've heard from you.  And during that time, I met an amazing man...."

And I promise, there's a reason why I'm typing all of this out, even if most of it first began in anger.  (I've calmed down as I've typed.)

That last statement from me...

...was all true.  I have met an amazing man.  He is a man who is pursuing God with all he knows how.  He is a man who makes me dig in the word daily when he sends me scriptures in the morning and makes me have to think and ponder those things.  He is a man who understands boundaries, and has been so very careful with my heart.  He is a man who is...in a nutshell...absolutely amazing.

I know.  I sound...sappy.  Yes, I realize this.  And I'm okay with this.  This is probably the only time you'll ever hear me announce to the world, at this point, how amazingly sappy I am.  So, get over it.  You'll be okay.

I've not only moved on.  I've realized just how wrong that person was.  That, if I had allowed myself to choose him, I would have settled for something that was so not God's best.  And I thank those friends who put up so many red flags in front of my face.  I thank them for seeing those things which I couldn't, because of my own woundings.

And now that He has been healing me and setting me free, allowing my wings to expand, my petals to bloom into something amazing and beautiful...

It's at this time how clearly I can see just how amazing my Abba is.  To answer such a call of my heart.  To know...that I'm being pursued...by an AMAZING man.  And that this journey has not only been one of discovering, but of growing.  Of learning to release my fears and allowing Him to capture my heart even more to His.

And I can't help but get this amazingly goofy grin on my face.  Why?  Because I'm not only happy.  I'm not only joyful.

I realize...I'm finally being set free.

And that in order to get to that point, I had to go through all of this.  Every.  Single.  Bit.

And I wouldn't change a thing.

I'm learning to be grateful for the junk, the crap, the heartache, the tears, and yeah, even the anger.  Each of those...has made me who I am, in some form, fashion and shape.  And I can't help but rejoice at just how amazing He is making me to be.

And I have to admit...having this amazing man speaking amazing things over me...has helped.  More than I could probably tell him to his face.  (surprise!!! lol)  Because I take those things, and ponder them, and allow that part of my heart to go, "oh.  wow.  He...likes me...  He...really...likes...me."

And not for what I could do for him, what I could give him, or because I could fulfill some need in him.

But he likes me...for me.  For who I am.  He sees my heart, my character, and...is amazed.

And I've gotta admit, I'm amazed back.

So, welcome to the new journey I'm on.  It's one that's been coming for a long while.

The journey of discovering...the pursuit. :)

(And for my nosey rosey friends, that's about the only update you're gonna get on this, so soak it in real good.)