You've got to be kidding me!

Oh the journey of weight loss.  It sucks (for those of you who hate that term...it inhales deeply, it stinks, it is sincerely despised...feel better?)!  This has been an ongoing battle for years now, and it seems that every year I fail even harder and faster.

This year.  Well, this year I think the Lord is trying to tell me something.  Could it be because 2 different people had either a vision or a dream where they saw me with weight lost, and one where they even saw me jogging (trust me, NOT a pretty picture!).  And if I'm honest with myself, I get kind of freaked out by losing weight.  I know, weird, right?  Most people would be overjoyed!  But looking back at some things, including some past things, I know why I freak out.  Because if I lose the weight, I can no longer hide behind that issue.  I have to show who I really am, my personality, everything.  I wouldn't be able to use my weight as an excuse anymore, as my comfort zone.

So, today, while shopping and talking with a dear sweet friend of mine...I decided to up the ante.  And not just workout 3 times a week.  But going to 5-6 times a week (gulp).  There, I said it.  Does this freak me out?  Um, yes.  Does my heart pound at the thought of me putting on workout clothes and going out there and actually working out freak me out? (can you hear the panic attack wheezing starting?!)  Yes.  Do I really want to do this?  Um, no.  But do I want to discipline my body? (small squeak of yes comes in somewhere over here)

My goal...50 pounds by the end of this year.  Do I think this is possible?  I have not the slightest idea.  I really don't.  As I told my friend, I think I've lost hope with this whole battle of losing weight.  But baby steps is needed, and since I'm so goal-oriented, I tend to look at the big picture and forget that those tiny milestones can see you through to the end.  So milestone goals: 4 pounds per month.  4x9 is 36.  So, let's make it to 40 pounds dropped by the end of the year instead of 50.  Seems a little more reasonable to me.

And if you're reading this, a little cheering on would work wonders too.  I'm just saying... :)